In case you weren’t clear on what this week’s episode is about, this photo is a helpful primer. There are also single earrings, sparkly shoes, and a lot of dumpy, dumpy outfits. I mean, how come none of these people have asked “Rich Twin” if she got a head injury? Until now, she hadn’t put on anything metallic in weeks. (How many weeks? Two, apparently, according to this episode.) Spoilers lie within, so don’t read if you care about seeing it all unfold live and in person. And the ending WAS good, so… man, I hope this show makes it, because its brand of gloomy baffling camp is really growing on me. I might have to start straight-up recapping it, if my brain can untwist itself.
Fug File: Film and TV
Kate Hudson is currently shooting what might be the boringest-titled movie in the history of film: The Reluctant Fundamentalist. It feels like someone named it by picking adjectives and nouns out of a hat. It could as easily have been The Naysaying Botanist, or The Jacketed Existentialist, or The Mild Gardener. Anyway, for her undoubtedly fascinating role in The Pensive Chemist, Kate has donned a brunette wig. I’m curious as to what you think.
Am I crazy or does it give her a Wino Forever vibe? Old-school Wino, though, circa Heathers. I’m trying to imagine this color actually properly dyed on her real hair, and in the end I think it would be all wrong. I mean, sure, it could work for The Uncertain Barber, or The Disinterested Mixologist. But for Kate Hudson? She’s Goldie Hawn’s daughter. A slightly messy head of blonde hair is not only in her DNA, but it’s her family calling card. And so I feel like, why are you casting Kate Hudson in your movie to be anything else? Because the whole time I’ve looked at this photo, I’ve been thinking, “Hey, look, The Tedious Zoologist looks like Kate Hudson in a bad wig.” Not promising for your film.
[Photo: Pacific Coast News]
So, I should have hung onto the first couple of episodes of Hart of Dixie, but I just decided to start covering it this week, so…we’ll all have to muddle through. Let me catch you up: Rachel Bilson inherits half of a medical practice in Bluebell, Alabama — which, according to this show, is full of people who never heard a twang they didn’t like and try to emulate, sometimes changing twang cadence in the middle of sentences. She is a Big City Girl who is apparently, despite being a hot shot doctor (which isn’t, by the way, something Bilson can carry off, although she is extremely adorable), isn’t smart enough to figure out that if she wants to assimilate, it might not be the best idea to spend her whole time in formal shorts and screaming about wild life. The doctor she shares the practice with is Tim Matheson and he hates, her except as of this week, he all of sudden doesn’t because she complimented his gumbo. I’m not making that up. Let’s take a look at the cracked out get-ups they poured poor Rachel Bilson into this week.
You guys, this show saves SO MUCH WARDROBE MONEY by setting entire episodes on one single day. But I promise you are going to enjoy the birthday headpiece SMG wears at the end — she starts slow, in heavy layers and sweaters, and then we get some twin-on-twin backstory, and then finally some piracy. No really. Hang in there with me.
And if you’re wondering what is actually happening on this show, spoilers are afoot in this paragraph: This week, Rich Twin’s best friend found out from FBI Agent Richard Alpert that there IS a twin (nobody knew), and THEN she lurked at exactly the right doorway and found out that Rich Twin and her husband have been banging and that Rich Twin’s baby might be his — but of course Poor Twin, who is virtuous, wants no part of their affair. At the end of the hour, when Best Friend was seething at her, Poor Twin confessed she is Poor Twin and Best Friend looked shocked. The promo made it sound like Best Friend is going to expose Poor Twin, but my prediction? Best Friend thinks she’s lying to save face and threatens to expose Rich Twin’s infidelity. And I have GOT to start using names, but… eh.
One thing this show does to hilarious effect is fake-outs, but I can’t tell if they KNOW that they’re hilarious. Case in point: The first episode ended with Poor Twin killing a dude who attacked her. The next episode began with her hiding the body under a tarp where it happened — in this loft that her best friend is renovating for her — and then the best friend walks in and goes, “OH MY GOOOOOD.” Cut to commercial. When we come back, Best Friend says, “Oh my GOOOD, I TOLD THE CONTRACTORS NOT TO BREAK DOWN THAT WALL!!!” I mean, that is some funny right there. They also do it mid-episode — the time Poor Twin thought her husband had been the one arranging the hit, he had sent her to a dark alley, where either end suddenly was blocked by Dangerous-Looking People, and then suddenly a door burst open and it was Best Friend luring her into some warehouse full of couture. (The connective tissue here is Best Friend, so I’ve decided she is nefarious.) They did it AGAIN this time, sort of: The whole ep was set at Rich Twin’s house in the Hamptons, and there were THREE DIFFERENT SCENES where a) SMG heard a noise, b) SMG crept toward the noise, c) SMG armed herself for some hellacious trouble, and d) SMG discovered it was someone she knew in the house. LOCK YOUR DOORS, people.
Well, this one wasn’t nearly as fun as the first two — all that hair was going to be a tough act to follow — but it DID finish big, which I appreciate. Join me on SMG’s sartorial journey through the third episode of Ringer, with a few stops at Man Candy Junction on the way. Because it’s Friday, and I care.
We can’t let Sarah Michelle Gellar creep back onto network TV — in a soapy dual-role as a girl impersonating her presumed-dead twin, who is in fact alive and crabby — without a thorough examination of her wardrobe. Bridget is a po’ ex-junkie; Siobhan is a hoity-toity socialite with a secret pregnancy, a lover, a hated drug-addled stepdaughter, and a stick lodged someplace unpleasant. But because this show was originally for CBS and not The CW, her wardrobe is kind of… a CBS-ified CW socialite, rather than, you know, Blair Waldorf. Although looking at this first shot of Siobhan, it occurs to me that Blair Waldorf would very much like to be this person when she grows up, possibly right down to the death-faking and poorly green-screened motorboat and mystery fetus. So: Come for the dark glasses, stay for the giant red bag and the sci-fi ponytail and the one-sleeved gold-draped black thing. Tempted? Then INDULGE. These are just from the first two episodes. I’m sure there will be more fugs to come. Or at least more crazy hair.