Fug File: Fug Madness 2011

Fug Madness 2011, Sweet Sixteen: Bjork Bracket, Part II

Mar 25, 2011 By Heather AT 10:00 am

(1) LADY GAGA vs. (5) PAZ DE LA HUERTA

You know, something about this coupling seems right.

Poor Paz. After seeing this photo, it’s no wonder she just got booked for a drunken bar brawl. Any regular visitor to this site will not be unfamiliar with combination of questionably sober facial expressions and questionably sober clothing choices. Like, say, this one:

Why, yes, those DO appear to be pants that are half-tights. She is Paz de la Hose-ta.

She is also Paz de la Hair-ta: we’re Pun City up in here

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Fug Madness 2011, Sweet Sixteen: Cher Bracket, Part II

Mar 25, 2011 By Heather AT 9:00 am

(2) KE$HA vs. (6) FABIOLA BERACASA

These two could not be more different: Ke$ha often looks like she was fished out of a Dumpster…

… albeit a Dumpster she won in the War of the Back Alleys…

… whereas Fabiola looks like the well-groomed daughter of the man who made the Dumpster, perhaps the heiress to a large Dumpster fortune, who secretly wants to chuck it all in favor of waiting on top of a hill somewhere for the aliens to come get her so she can fight with them for galactic domination.

It gets to the point where I run out of words to describe these, though: Read More

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Fug Madness 2011, Sweet Sixteen: Madonna Bracket

Mar 24, 2011 By Heather AT 12:00 pm

(2) MILEY CYRUS vs. (3) LEONA LEWIS

Damn, this one is going to be INTENSE. I kind of wish we could corral these two ladies and make them have a motherf’ing walk-off. Since we can’t, let’s just approximate it instead. Let’s start with the big guns.

On the left, we have Ms. Cyrus, sporting a dress she may well be wearing backward. Her boobs look like volleyballs stuffed in one of those mesh bags after P.E. class. Whereas Leona is wearing lips. Her chest could actually nurse itself.

Here, Miley is preparing to referee a bout of Foxy Boxing, and Leona is there to sing the national anthem, with chains as gallantly streaming as our broad stripes and bright stars.

It gets better. By which I mean worse

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Fug Madness 2011, Sweet Sixteen: Charo Bracket

Mar 24, 2011 By Heather AT 11:00 am

(1) RIHANNA vs. (13) RYAN CABRERA

You remember the fur dress made of Santa’s beard clippings. You’ve seen the racy red lace. You know about the origami. But do not forget this:

I think IKEA sells that as a bedspread. It’s called HULJA and it’s available in reds or blues. Rihanna, I feel no shame in saying that I hate your HULJA.

Also, in addition to hating her jumpsuit and her panty-hose and her socks and her blazer and transparent shirt, I also hate her pants:

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Fug Madness 2011, Sweet Sixteen: Bjork Bracket

Mar 24, 2011 By Heather AT 10:00 am

(2) NICKI MINAJ vs. (6) CHRISTINA AGUILERA

Of all the crazy crap Nicki Minaj has worn in the name of getting attention, my very favorite is the thing she wore under the auspice of NOT wanting attention:

The caption on this photo was, “Nicki Minaj attempts to go incognito in South Beach,” or something, to which I say: If you are Nicki Minaj, and you want to go incognito, just wear a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and sunglasses. Nobody will know who you are. Don’t wear a Juicy sweatsuit with the world’s most GIANT red pashmina wrapped around your head. Which leads me to believe you do not want to go incognito at ALL, and so therefore why not just do it up right, with an electro-shock coif and a full animal-print body condom?

Xtina’s street clothes are just as subtle:

subtle, and so polite

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Fug Madness 2011, Sweet Sixteen: Cher Bracket

Mar 24, 2011 By Heather AT 9:00 am

(1) TAYLOR MOMSEN vs (5) LINDSAY LOHAN

In many ways, this matchup is terribly apt — Momsen seems headed down a similar path that LiLo took, a.k.a. the path to Grossville via Nutbar Junction, and so it’s sort of like pitting two generations against each other.

I love how every member of Taylor’s band, The Pretty Reckless (surprisingly, not that bad), seems to be avoiding looking directly AT her, as if she is the sun and might scorch their eyeballs — or more accurately, as if she’s an under-18 wearing a bra and they are afraid acknowledging her existence will get them into handcuffs, and not in a fun way.

Lilo is certainly no stranger to making us look at her funky bunches:

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