Fug File: Fug the Ad

Fug the Poster: Hellcats


HEATHER HEMMENS: Yeah, so the right side of this billboard for my new show is cut off in this particular shot. But whatever. We’re not here to talk about the rest of the tagline for the show, right? By the way: I look good.

ASHLEY TISDALE: I also look good. Albeit a bit smug. You love me smug, though, don’t you, America? Don’t forget to come see my Sharpay movie, Legally Blonde 4: Sharpay, or whatever they’re calling that thing now. Thank god I woke up in time to go to that HSM audition, though, am I right?

ALYSON MICHALKA: I got hit in the back of the head by a brick two minutes before they snapped this photo.

ROBBIE JONES: Yeah, don’t ask me why Aly looks like she just got hit in the back of the head with a brick. I’m just stoked the CW still loves me. Remember how AWESOME I was on One Tree Hill and how TRAGIC it was when I died? YOU TOTALLY CRIED. Don’t lie. I know you cried.

HEATHER: I did cry. I’m not made of stone.

ASHLEY: I also cried.

ALYSON: I feel weird.

ROBBIE: Well, I’m BACK! In a cheerleading show! It’ll be like Bring It On meets Bring It On 2! I can’t wait! Chad Michael Murray, my career is officially healthier than yours is right now!

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Fug or Fab: Drew Barrymore


I am incredibly relieved to have an excuse to talk about this:

The film itself may be great, but the marketing makes it feel like the faux rom-com inserted into an actual rom-com — like if Drew Barrymore were in a film in which she played a movie star looking for love in 1997, this would be the fake movie glimpsed within that movie. Everything about it just seems so GENERIC. I also keep thinking it’s the sequel to Fever Pitch — in which the Jimmy Fallon character goes on the road with the Sox — but that’s just because Justin Long looks like Jimmy if you close one eye.

However, it’s getting Drew out of the house to promote it, and that’s never a bad thing. She just wore this in London:
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Fab The Ad, Kind Of: OP


[Photo: Splash News]

I actually think this ad for Op is really cute. But it also could not look more like a promo for an ill-fated dramedy about a group of twenty-something friends grappling with life and love in the big city, rather than a clothing ad. Trevor Donovan and Dianna Agron there on the left clearly play the golden couple — they seem perfect on the outside, but they have Secret Problems, obviously. Like maybe he secretly wants to be a lumberjack (judging from the shirt. Although, dang is he handsome). Jessica Szohr is the Quirky Artistic Single One, who is secretly in love with Cory Monteith, but Cory Monteith is secretly in love with Cassie, who is also Jessica Szohr’s roommate and already has a boyfriend (who is jerky and terrible, and thus not pictured: he will probably get drunk and fall off a dock and drown — conveniently, right in the midst of sweeps — at which point Cory will move in, destroying Jessica– a trauma I can only pray will force her into a Heartbreak Haircut, losing her Extensions of Doom). God, I can smell the CW-polished angst and outfits from here!

I hope it goes without saying that I would obviously DVR that show and watch it every week, so maybe Op should get on this. They could even call it Ocean Pacific. You’re welcome, Op. I accept checks, cash, and credit cards.

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Fug the Ad: Jessica Simpson


Okay, first of all, “FANCY NIGHTS: A sensual fragrance from Jessica Simpson” sounds distinctly like something being marketed to upscale prostitutes, at least in part because it AGAIN reminds me of the Reba McEntire song, “Fancy,” which is about an upscale prostitute. Or, a woman from hardscrabble beginnings who become an upscale prostitute, anyway. And while that song is awesome, I am not sure if most women really want to smell the way Jessica Simpson envisions a hooker smelling. You know what I mean? Second of all, I WILL PAY YOU $50 IF YOU CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, SIMPSON. I SWEAR TO GOD. JUST TRY IT. JUST TO PROVE YOU CAN.

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Fug The Poster: When In Rome


KRISTEN BELL: Hi, Josh! Teehee!
JOSH DUHAMEL: I am going to follow you home and sneak into your house and EAT YOU FOR DINNER and then raid your fridge.
KRISTEN: Teeheehee! You make it sound so sexy!
JOSH: Really? This is sexy?
KRISTEN: Teeheheheheheheeee, yes, teehee! I’m charmed, and charming! Don’t you see?
JOSH: So you think this was a good idea to sell our movie: You looking like you are dying inside while nibbling on your pinky and trying to act coy, and me looking like I might be a psychotic stalker interested only in wearing the skin of your nape as a blouse?
KRISTEN: Teeeee! Heeeee! So funny!
JOSH: No! So gross! You’re not the vapid “teehee” girl and I’m not actually interested in draining your blood and using it to make shampoo!
KRISTEN: Teeteeteehee! Yay!
JOSH: No, not yay! We can barely even cobble together a real preview, and all the “reviews” are quotes from people on Facebook.
KRISTEN: Tee! But it’s from the studio behind The Proposal! Hee!
JOSH: Which means jack shit.
KRISTEN: Teeheheh… you know what, you’re right. This is freaking killing me. I just need to grin and bear it and then hope Netflix makes this movie unavailable forever.
JOSH: That’s my girl. 
KRISTEN: You can stop looking at me like that now.
JOSH: Sorry, I was just thinking your nape skin WOULD make a nice shirt. Or a brooch.
KRISTEN: No, really. You can stop.
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Fug the Ad: Beyonce


I actually have great affection for Beyonce — regardless about what anyone thinks about anything, “Single Ladies” is deeply catchy –but I can’t imagine this was EXACTLY what she was going for. Unless by “catch the fever,” she means, “catch the fever that comes with swine flu, which, judging from my exhausted makeup and glazed facial expression, I TOTALLY HAVE right now.”

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