Good grief, what’s happening here?
I’m sensing a Food Network/Lifetime crossover, And The Bride Wore Potholders: Not Without My Cookie Sheet: Get Your Mitts Off Me: The Brandi Ray Baker-Trout Story.
[Photo: Getty]
Fug File: Golden Globes
Golden Globes Weekend Well Played, Sally Field
3 photos in galleryI love her. And I think she gave us the best piece of acting in 2013 to date on Sunday when Anne Hathaway was accepting her award and doing her version of that thing they did at the Oscars that time — remember? When they had a bunch of people come onstage and, like, eulogize each nominee to their faces? Sally had this look on her face that managed to say all the following at once:
- This is very sweet. I’m honestly touched by this salute.
- I’m not dead yet, kid. Slow your roll.
- Are you going to talk about Jacki Weaver? No one talks about Jackie Weaver. Why is this just about me? Cut AWAY from me so I can eat the rest of this bread basket. I am starving.
- I hope I crush you to smithereens at the Oscars.
Like, she looked completely gracious throughout while managing to remain totally uninvolved. It was the face version of, “bless your heart.”
Fug file: Awards & Galas, Photos, Well Played, Golden Globes, Sally Field
Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Berenice Marlohe
So, right before we watched Skyfall (in which Ms. Marlohe is the requisite vampy Bond vixen), my mom got into a conversation with us about Eva Green, from Casino Royale, and it turns out my mother CANNOT DEAL WITH Eva Green. Like, really, really thought she ruined that movie, thinks she is a horrendous actress, is furious that she exists at all, wants her exiled to darkest Peru. It just made me laugh. I had no idea people could have feelings that strong about Eva Green. That’s a totally random digression, but the whole thing was so entertaining to me — it was like, the more we talked about it, the faster it went from, “I didn’t think she was very good,” to, “SHE RUINS EVERYTHING,” and that is completely something I do as well. Genetics in action.
However, Eva Green is blameless here. Berenice did this all to herself.
Man, whatever slammed into her crotch left a HUGE mess behind.
[Photo: Getty]
Fug file: Awards & Galas, Golden Globes, Berenice Marlohe
Golden Globes Well Played: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner
Mark your calendars, Fug Nation: The Garner-Afflecks posed for pictures TOGETHER. A national date of rejoicing is upon us. I implore you to go forth and eat the customary SANDWICHES OF JOY.
[Photos: Getty, Bauer/Griffin, WENN]
Fug file: Awards & Galas, Photos, Well Played, Golden Globes, Hot Right Now, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner
Golden Globes Well Played: Jessica Lange
There’s something delicious about the fact that Jessica Lange has basically become Ryan Murphy’s muse, and that he will write all manner of weird things for her to do and say, and she will do them and say them as if it’s the most natural thing. I feel like he puts so much energy into her characters on American Horror Story that it explains why the rest of the show tends to fall apart around her into a steaming, but somehow totally watchable, mess. (I say this despite being several episodes behind on the current one, so maybe my theory no longer holds water.) But can you blame him for wanting to give her nice things?
I love this dress. She is staring at us, like, “I know you want to. I know you are desperate to say, ‘Man, talk about an American horror story,’ and so instead I look fantastic and you will never get your chance.” Fair enough, Jessica, and besides, I should thank you for saving me from Hackytown. You KNOW I’m always about two dollars away from buying land there.
[Photo: Getty]
Fug file: Awards & Galas, Well Played, Golden Globes, Jessica Lange
Is Candy Crush what I play when I can't sleep, or is playing Candy Crush the REASON I can't sleep? -H
Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Lana Del Rey
I would have loved to have seen Lana Del Rey’s original outfit.
You know, the one she had on BEFORE she dragged a cater waiter underneath the table, made passionate love to him on the carpet, then purloined his jacket and the tablecloth to try and hide the fact that her ruined dress lay in sex-damp tatters amid a pile of crab bites and crumbled organic free-range gluten-free yeast-free no-carb dinner rolls.
[Photo: Getty]
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