Well. This isn’t going to win anybody over, is it?
Fug File: Harper's Bazaar
Fug the Cover: Anne Hathaway
So, is one 705 BEST LOOKS “Unseasonably Christmas-y Smugness, With a Hint of Greasy Hair on a Person Who Has Verifiably Really Great Hair”? Because otherwise I just don’t get this cover.
PS: I’m pretty sure the “real Kate Moss” is the SAME Kate Moss you’ve all been shoveling down our throats for the last twenty years, but thanks. I still don’t care about her wedding this weekend (other, of course, than hoping that people show up at it wearing, like, lobsters on their heads and short shorts made of fur). In fact, I don’t actually care about her at all. I know, I know, this is a sin unlike no other and I expect someone to arrive at my door any moment to drag me away to Fashion Prison, where I will be tossed in cell with a woman who just said, “I think Marc Jacobs is really overrated,” and another who recently opined that she’s pretty sure Anna Wintour is wearing a wig. You can imprison me, but you can never rehabilitate me!
Fug file: Fug The Cover, Harper's Bazaar, Anne Hathaway
Fug or Fab the Cover: Rachel Weisz
[Photo: Splash News]
Let’s talk about this.
- She’s beautiful, of course.
- Does she look a bit…vampiric?
- Although vampires are really IN right now.
- I like hot pink!
- She looks hungry.
- FOR BLOOD?
- Maybe just for a sandwich
- That’s a LOT of makeup.
- It’s a magazine cover, you dolt! THEY WEAR MAKEUP. Besides, she’s supposed to be SMOULDERING. What better way to smoulder than via massive amounts of eyeliner?
- That’s an excellent question.
Fug file: Fug or Fab, Fug The Cover, Harper's Bazaar, Rachel Weisz
Fug The Cover: Halle Berry on Harper’s Bazaar
There’s been a lot of brouhaha over Harper’s Bazaar appearing to Photoshop Halle Berry on its cover. And I get reacting to that with an eye roll and an “Oh, gee, what a shock that people use PHOTOSHOP,” because we all know magazines want to sell copies, and what most people actually look like isn’t going to do it. If anyone were stupid enough to put me on a magazine cover, I would probably put a “Please Photoshop my face” clause right at the top of my contract.
No, what’s MORE interesting to me is that whatever Harper’s did or didn’t do, it yielded a cover of Halle Berry that’s mind-bendingly awful.
Let’s set aside for a second the fact that the ENTIRE thing is the color of a sunburn and makes me want to go bathe in aloe. Why would you want a cover of one of the world’s hottest women, only to pick one in which she looks like a very cheap Halle Berry impersonator wearing a Jaclyn Smith wig she picked up from K-Mart? What’s next? Photographing Angelina Jolie in a full mask? Putting a wig on a stick and calling it Nicole Kidman?
With any luck, by the time that happens, I’ll already have gone blind from staring at this cover too long. It’s like gazing directly at the sun. Everywhere I look now, I see angry all-caps words screaming at me from hot-pink backgrounds. Pray for me. And SAVE YOURSELVES.
Fug file: Fug The Cover, Harper's Bazaar, Halle Berry
@lzbtheiae 
Fug or Fab the Cover: Taylor Swift on Harper’s Bazaar
Well, I like the soft makeup, and her eyes look pretty.
But here’s the thing: I’ve spent my fair share of time in windy climates. And so this picture conjures two very specific things, which are hugely visceral for me: 1) The moment when your hair blows at your lips and sticks to your gloss, and you have to peel it off but the strands remain sticky, and 2) The moment when your hair blows at your lips and it takes you by surprise, and you take in a deep breath and suck some into your mouth and it actually manages to stay there and end up lodged in your throat, something that usually only a piece of bread can cure for me, which makes for a really unpleasant experience when this happens on the way to class in college and you have an hour and fifteen minutes of gagging hacking before you can seek relief.
Ergo, the concept of this photo doesn’t exactly give me the warm and fuzzies; rather, the sticky-and-ickies. But I admit that’s highly personal, and thus, it’s time for you to provide sanity.
react: