Fug File: jumpsuit

Stella McFuggney

Nov 29, 2011 By Jessica AT 8:00 am

I seriously hate this jumpsuit on Stella McCartney SO MUCH I can’t even stand it:

I mean, first of all, GIRLFRIEND YOU ARE THE FREAKING DESIGNER OF THIS YOU COULD GET IT HEMMED TO A LENGTH THAT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE YOU’RE TWO STEPS AWAY FROM GETTING YOUR HEEL CAUGHT IN THE HEM OF YOUR LEFT PANT LEG, FALLING TO THE GROUND, AND CRACKING YOUR HEAD OPEN (full disclosure: that once happened to me). Phew. Okay. I feel better now that I’ve let that out. Also! In addition to the fact that it is RIDICULOUS that a designer would wear her own design without it fitting her properly — I mean, can you imagine DVF walking out of the house in, say, a wrap-dress a size too large and her boob flopping out? Because I can not — this looks like a jumpsuit they’d ask you to wear once you’ve been permanently committed to the jailhouse santitarium. Chic for making macaroni necklaces with the other inmates. OTHERWISE NOT SO MUCH.

[Photo: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: Freida Pinto

Oct 26, 2011 By Heather AT 12:00 pm
Freida Pinto
Freida PintoFreida PintoFreida Pinto
4 photos in gallery

Freida Pinto is back on the circuit, and looking pretty damn swell. I like this particular outfit on her, mostly due to the color and the sexy rope neckline. Yes, okay, the waist tie isn’t creating the MOST flattering line for her figure (it makes her look a bit square), and sure, one could argue — and I probably have — that the tassels look like you could yank them and a butler would appear with a tray of champagne and some Tic Tacs. But I ask you: Would that REALLY be so terrible? I like champagne, and after a few too many, I’m sure I’d need the Tic Tacs. Frankly I think it’s very thoughtful of him.

[Photos: WENN]

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Selita Fugbanks

Aug 26, 2011 By Jessica AT 9:00 am

Selita Ebanks IS a model:

And getting paid is the only possibly excuse for wearing Gumby’s formal wear.

[Photos: Splash]

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The Fugent List

Aug 24, 2011 By Heather AT 11:00 am

So, we’ve all heard by now — it was the giggle heard ’round the world — that J.Lo.Hew’s masterpiece of Kind Touchery, The Client List, is being made into a TV series. I have questions. How exactly is that going to work? Because in the movie (and I’m sure even if you haven’t seen it, this is not so much a spoiler as a mild WTF moment), it has a rosy ending wherein she gives up all the names of her clients in exchange for a reduced prison term for hooking, and then all the neighborhood wives ask her to give them sex tips through the use of fruit. BULL TRUE. So what is the series? Pretending none of that happened, and she’s still hooking? Pretending all of that DID happen, and the whole show is her giving booty seminars to harried housewives? Or pretending that all of that did happen and yet she still goes BACK to hooking, because the economy still blows harder than she does and also she actually totally liked it, and now there is demand that must be met with supply? What, is she an economist now? A Kind-Touching capitalist prostisseuse?

And is this the phase where she starts going Method? Because nothing screams “My touch is kind” like an animal-print genie jumpsuit. Or at least, I assume that’s what it is screaming. To be honest, and I am proud of this, I don’t speak Animal-Print Genie Jumpsuit all that fluently — just maybe some conversational slang at best.

[Photo: Pacific Coast News]

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The Kardashian Fuglection

Aug 18, 2011 By Jessica AT 11:00 am

Just as I was about to write this, Patti Stanger said — on last night’s Millionaire Matchmaker, not, like, from across the room — “Pancho Villa wants his jumpsuit back.” Patti, I don’t think Pancho Villa ever wore a jumpsuit, but I appreciate that effort. It’s difficult to come up with an appropriate historical jumpsuit wearer at a moment’s notice, I know. Personally, next time you are stuck for that reference, I advise going for noted historical freedom fighter John Travolta.

That being said, I agree with you that a skirt is  almost always better. SEE:

Not terrible-terrible, but wouldn’t it be cuter if it were a dress? As it is, the cut of this, paired with her body, makes her look a bit like she’s about to tip over. Wouldn’t she look less like an animal-flavored ice cream cone if it ended in something that weren’t tapered pants? Let’s take a look from the side:

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Fugsia Raisa

Aug 18, 2011 By Heather AT 8:00 am

I have had this sitting in my lightbox for a few days, hoping the perfect bon mot would come to me.

It has not. And while that may be due to my incapability of crafting the perfect bon mot, I think it’s because this outfit is so bad, the perfect bon mot would be wasted on it. Like putting truffle oil on tripe, or basting a shoe in peanut butter. Also, now, the phrase “perfect bon mot” has lost all meaning, to the point where my stomach is interpreting it as “perfect bonbon,” and now I just want candy. In a nutshell, then, this outfit is clearly making me fat. THANKS, outfit. I hope you’re happy with yourself, you piney satin balloon. I hope you at least made her car smell like Christmas.

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