I didn’t think it was possible, but it seems the Kardashians have topped last year’s ridiculous holiday card. BEHOLD:
WHO SENDS OUT A HOLIDAY CARD LIKE THIS? For one thing, this lacks any semblance of cheer (the sequins don’t count; also, way to go, Kris, in allowing yourself to be the only person in color, but the color in question is close enough to the wall that you almost look like a floating head; appropriate, perhaps, for the Great and Powerful Oz of this particular family). Additionally, the fact that everyone in the family is wearing a bow tie does not make you guys look boss, it makes you look like a family full of maitre d’s. The additional fact that NONE OF YOU are making eye contact with each other — not even with THE SMALL CHILD ABOUT TO TUMBLE DOWN THE STAIRS — makes you look like asshole maitre d’s, as well as people who hate each other on general principle. And listen, I get that a lot of people are crabby during the holidays, but we FAKE IT. We don’t send out a card that basically says, “We’re probably all trying to poison each other MERRY CHRISTMAS.”
@emilyhughes I hated it SO MUCH I CAN'T EVEN DISCUSS IT WITHOUT CAPS -H
Fugs and Fehs: Wango Tango
Wango Tango is a concert that KIIS-FM (the local pop-music station here in Los Angeles) organizes every May, and which generally features a LOT of artists who are intensely popular but ultimately kind of flashes in the pan, mixed in with people like Britney. If you want to feel old, you should look at the Wikipedia compendium of past line-ups, as they are kind of brilliant time capsules of pop culture. For example, the ’98 line-up included Hootie and the Blowfish, Vonda Shepard (!), Paula Cole and Meredith Brooks, Olivia Newton John (???) and N-freaking SYNC, who were not even the headliners (that honor went to Mariah Carey, which is fair). 1999 had — among others — Ricky Martin and Britney, a girl I’ve never heard of who doesn’t even have a Wiki page anymore and who therefore isn’t even officially alive, and Fab of Milli Vanilli in the midst of his failed attempt to be a solo artist. The following year, N*SYNC headlined (that may have been the year I personally saw N*SYNC at the Rose Bowl and had an argument with the 12 year old in front of me about whether or not JC was my boyfriend or hers [I let her win when I realized what for me was "an argument" was for her DEADLY SERIOUS. I realized this when she asked me if JC and I had "an anniversary" (we do not).]) and there were two bands I’ve literally never heard of, plus Sisqo (remember when you couldn’t get in your car without hearing “The Thong Song”? Personally, I am much more a fan of its contemporary “Hot In Herre”), and J. Simp…backed up by Nick Lachey. You guys, that page is a total wormhole and you should go procrastinate there. Get ready to say things like, “OMG REMEMBER O-TOWN?” And then come back and look at all the fools Hologram Me is going to be waxing rhapsodic about in 2022.
[Photos: Getty and WENN]
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