They should have called this episode “Aria’s Unspeakable Poncho.” It will make the groundhog run back down his hole for sure. But before we get to that, we have Aria’s Hilarious Earrings and Hanna’s Mad-Crazy Unflattering Red Thing. So let’s do this.
Plot: Whatever. No, okay — although this felt like filler it had some important nuggets: Nobody except her beard, Scraggle, knows Aria and Ezra are still hooking up. Aria’s dad tries to get Ezra “promoted” to a campus in another city, on the same night Ezra had to bag on Aria so she and Scraggle spent the entire night playing air hockey (and bonding, obvs). She sees a bruise on his body but he blows it off. Spencer is sad-faced about Toby being gone. Hanna thinks her friends all hate her, when really, they’re all huddling with Caleb to pick apart A’s cell phone behind Hanna’s back (because she wants Caleb to stop, to protect him). When A threatens to expose Hanna’s mom’s bank theft if Caleb doesn’t stop digging around on the cell phone, Hanna smells a rat, and eventually Spencer confesses. They make up, but not before a tearful Hanna tells Caleb about her mother and thus why “the person who’s phone you’re working on” is blackmailing her. Emily’s mom visits and they go to dinner with Maya, who acts like a jackass; apparently she’s pissed that Emily’s mother got her sent to reform camp for pot, or whatever, and Emily is jealous that Maya dated a guy because she feels like now she’s competing against twice the dating pool. They make up, exchange “I love you”s, and then ostensibly have the sex. Meanwhile, Hanna’s bitchy stepsister arrives in Rosewood, and they have declared a truce that Hanna does not trust. Spencer recognizes her from an old camp photo — I thought it was going to be that she had 800 lbs and several different noses, but no, she just got bug bites, or something. She shows Hanna, and tells Stepsister that if she doesn’t lay off Hanna then that photo will go viral. Instead, A snaps a picture of Stepsister naked in the school locker room and sends it to everyone in Hanna’s address book, so now everyone thinks Hanna struck the first blow. Sucks to be poor ol’ Hanna. Oh, and Caleb gets harassed by Blind Jenna’s cop boyfriend, just… because. Why do people hang out with Jenna? She’s so unpleasant. She makes you threaten people and ropes you into schemes. She must be dynamite in the sack.