Fug File: tragic (alleged) work

Fuggia Rules

Sep 1, 2009 By Heather AT 9:17 am

Okay, Lindsay.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

I am weary of you trying to tempt the world into giving you an impromptu pap smear. If you want to be naked that badly, just have a pool party. It’s that simple.

And as for this:

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Fug file: Crotchtacular, Look Into Pants, ,
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I Wanna Tell Her That I Fug Her, But the Point Is Probably Moot

Aug 7, 2009 By Jessica AT 12:04 pm

A Song for Rick Springfield: What Could Have Been And What Used to Be (A Composition to the Tune of Jesse’s Girl):

Springfield is a friend.
Yeah, I know he’s been
a good friend of mine
But lately something’s changed
that ain’t hard to define.
Rick’s got himself an eyelift*
and it really is a crime.

And I’m watching him with those eyes
And I loved him with his old face,
You just know it
He could have held me
in his arms late,
late at night…

You know, I wish that he had his old face!
I wish that Rick has his old face!
Why did he butcher his hot face like that?

I play along with the charade.
There doesn’t seem to be
an option for feedback.
You know, I feel so dirty
He used to be so cute.
I wanna tell him that I love him
Now the point is probably moot.

‘Cuz look at him with those eyes!
And he’s done something misguided to his body,
I just know it!
He could have held me
in his arms late, late, late at night…

JUST LOOK AT RIIIIIIIIIICK’S FAAAAAAAAACE!
I wish that he still had his old face!
Why did he screw with it like that?
Why did he mess with his face like that?

And he’s lookin’ in the mirror all the time,
Wondering how this sitch came to be.
Everyone was cool, people were cool with his lines
Ain’t that the way aging’s supposed to be?

TELL ME!

Why did he get an eyelift like that?
You know, I wish that he had his old face.
I wish that Rick had his old face.
I want his old faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.

Why did he get an eyelift like that?
Rick’s old faaaaaaaaaaaace.
I wish that Rick had his old faaaaaaaaaaaace.
I wish…
I wish for Rick’s old faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.

*ALLEGEDLY

Fug file: Man Fugs, ,
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Celebrity Terror Watch: Rupert Everett’s Maybe-Surgery

Apr 21, 2009 By Heather AT 9:20 am

There has been much online to-do over actor Rupert Everett’s alleged-maybe-probably plastic surgery. You may remember Rupert from such movies as My Best Friend’s Wedding, where he played the dapper gay BFF of Julia Roberts’ character, or from that movie he did with Madonna that nobody saw. Or even from St. Trinian’s, when he dressed in drag to play the batty lady principal of a school of miscreants, and whose love interest in the movie was Colin Firth.

And Rupert probably, in your mind’s eye, looks like this:

[Photo: WENN.com]

Or, you know, a bit younger. But the point is, that’s a shot from his “before” era.

Here is the “after” shot currently making the rounds on the Intertubes:

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Fug file: Man Fugs, ,
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Fug The Cover: Nicole Kidman

Oct 23, 2008 By Heather AT 1:25 pm

Sigh. I got spoiled, guys. When Nicole Kidman was pregnant, she looked so much more like her normal, pre-Botox, To Die For self and I guess I hoped it would stay that way. Because I am naive.

Look at her back in April, though:

Seriously, is that a FACIAL EXPRESSION I detect? Traces of actual movement in her brow? SMILE LINES? I thought she’d blitzed those off her face completely.

Compare that with the RoboKidman on the cover of this month’s Australian In Style:
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Fug file: Fug The Cover, , ,
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Daytime Emmy Fug Press Room: Jack Wagner

Jun 23, 2008 By Jessica AT 1:24 pm

When I first saw this picture, I said, “ooh, Jack Wagner!” Then I took a closer look and said, “OH. JACK WAGNER.”

A velvet jacket? A quasi-mullet, blown out to womanly perfection? What looks like potentially (and ALLEGEDLY) excessive Botoxery? Let’s go to the close-up:

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Fug file: Awards & Galas, Man Fugs, , , ,
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The Fug Whisperer: Part A Lot

May 5, 2008 By Jessica AT 9:14 am

Recent events on The Ghost Whisperer can not be ignored. No, I don’t mean how they Rapidly Aged Camryn Manheim’s son so that he can now date girls who have vindictive ghosts attached to them, or how Melinda seems to have abandoned the hilariously over-the-top nightgowns, bed-jackets and ballgowns of yore and now argues with the vindictive ghosts attached to the girlfriends of her employees while looking generally attractive and youthful and well-dressed-ish (for god’s sake, please don’t anyone actually LISTEN to us when we mock your beehives and bed-jackets. Don’t you know by now that when I say,  “Dude, she’s WEARING a LACE NIGHTGOWN to BINGO with a BOX on her head and a CUCKOO CLOCK for a PURSE!”  it actually means, “I love you”?).  No, this time I am speaking of something that was brought to my attention by several readers and at least one close friend.

Picture it: Southern California, 2008. I am wearing a box on my head, having just come home from bingo, and am settling in for a Sunday night marathon of all the episodes of Greek that have built up on my TiVo.  Just innocently looking forward to spending some quality time with that delightful Spencer Grammar and some moonshine. Then I check our GFY email to find several missives regarding Nikki Cox’s appearance on The Ghost Whisperer this week, which inspired the following from your fellow readers:  several instances of “WTF??!!!?”, a few folks wailing, “WHYY?!?! Right?”, a brief but apt note opining, “IT’S LIKE THEY ATE HER HEAD,” several comments indicating that the individual in question could neither look directly at her NOR look away, and one person who simply said, “OMG.”

And I read these emails and I thought, “Nikki Cox is really cute! What’s going on? And how bad could it be?”

Then I turned on the TV to this:

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Fug file: Fugs, , ,
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