Fug File: Valentino

Cannes Fabs and Feh: Zoe Saldana


When this was shown during Paris Fashion Week, I wrote that it was gorgeous but “a bit eau de pinafore,” and that I’d be curious to see if it worked in real life (read: the red carpet, which is the realest context any of these things ever see). Well, curiosity sated. Happily. (Mostly.)

[Photos: Getty]

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Met Ball Fug or Fine Carpet: Gwyneth Paltrow


At least GOOP admitted she wasn’t even trying to go punk. You might ask, “Why even go then?” But you probably don’t turn down a Met Ball invitation. Especially if you’re Gwyneth Paltrow, you’ve got a movie out and a new cookbook, and you REALLY REALLY need to make up for last year’s hideous Prada apron with pockets that were constellations of horror.

In fact, even thematically, this feels like what she SHOULD have worn last year, given the Schiaparelli theme and the fact that pink was one of Elsa’s signature colors. It’s like her Step One of Fug’s Non-Anonymous was to make a visual apology for not paying any attention to the Prada until it was too late. But I’m not entirely sure this works on any other level — the cut is almost aggressively plain except for the strip of illusion netting, as if she used up all her wackadoo mojo on the Iron Man 3 events and this was all she could handle. I might have liked it better if it went bare instead of with sternum hose. And I ALSO think that, even though Gwyneth’s People Magazine Most Beautiful face is indeed great, maybe she needed something more up there than to look like she’s ditching out on the gala in ten minutes to go to the gym. Or punking out on it, I guess, which… how many times will we use THAT pun today?

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[Photo: Getty]

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Met Gala Well Played, Anne Hathaway


Apparently, I like everything Anne Hathaway is doing with her hair lately, because I was totally into the short hair, and I ALSO like the blonde:

This Valentino is from 1992 — two years prior to Elizabeth Hurley’s infamous Versace safety pin dress — and I think it actually really, really works on her. Unlike a lot of the more successful OTT outfits from this event, it’s not TOTALLY event-specific. I mean, it’s punk-ISH and it’s totally appropriate, but if she had worn this to, like, the BAFTAs, I probably would not have burst into angry flames. As it is, I actually think this is great on her. Anne’s big problem can be traced back to the fact that she comes across as a TOTAL try-hard, and this is trying just hard enough. It’s actually kind of hot. And that is a sentence I have NEVER SAID ABOUT ANNE HATHAWAY EVER. Can we blame the blonde hair?

[Photo: Getty]

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Paris Fugshion Week: Valentino


Let’s see if we can figure out how many of these Anne Hathaway will feel compelled to wear as penance.

[Photos: Getty]

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Oscars Fug or Fab: Hailee Steinfeld


Real talk: I would be giving this this full Fug treatment if I didn’t think she was so delightful and cute:

Because this is basically what happens when Pilgrims go bad. Actually, I would watch that movie, now that I think about it. Talk to your people, Hailee.

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[Photo: Getty]

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Oscars Fug Carpet: Zooey Deschanel


Various news reports claimed that Zooey here cut her hair, but I’m pretty sure this is just a faux bob — it’s curled up and pinned, right? Regardless, it’s very cute on her. Unlike this dress, which is from the Valentino line I like to call WHY DON’T YOU JUST STAB ME Spring ’13.

[Photos: Getty]

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