Fug File: you'll feel better if you put on some lipstick

6 photos in gallery

Oh, Keira. It’s been awhile. How are you? Wait, don’t answer, I might already know. See, on its own, this dress is mixing sparkly and prim, in a way that is not generally always my thing but I MIGHT have launched into a discussion about its relative fetchingness (coming soon to a music hall near you: Relative Fetchingness, opening for Spandex Dolphin) if not for two things:

1. The cutouts look like her shoulders are wearing wreaths; and
2. She looks super, super depressed, tired, and wan.

And so I’m guessing things are not great. What’s up KK? Are you depressed over that breakup? Are you sad you’re too old to play Katniss Everdeen? Bummed that we don’t need you as much now that we have Carey Mulligan, who might dress just as hit-or-miss as you do, but at least does not walk around looking like she wants to go home and murder her neighbor, hide the body under the couch cushions, and spend the next two weeks doing nothing but eat crackers and watch Big Brother? Being cheerful might not fix a multitude of sins, but it certainly makes them more tolerable and fun — witness Nicki Minaj’s entire archive. So just think, Keira — if you had smiled, I might be Fug or Fabbing this, or at least mulling whether this would’ve been schoolgirlishly sweet without the shoulder halos. Instead, I am wondering if I should call your manager and have him/her sneak over to your hotel and empty the minibar.