That Extra Half a Fug

Okay, okay, Victoria. I’ll do whatever you want, I promise!

[Photo: Splash News]

You want me to tell everyone you’re secretly hilarious? I already do that! Do you want me to explain to the internet that your biographies (BOTH OF THEM) are actually really entertaining? I think I already have! They are! I read them in Mexico once with a series of margaritas and it was awesome! Do you want me to track down your never released dance single and make it huge here in America? I…will try, I guess. Just please don’t ever dress like the world’s chicest East German border guard ever again. You’re making me nervous.