The Chronicles of Fuggie

Early in 2004, Maggie Gyllenhaal proved again that she should not be in control of her own clothing (or choice of stylist). There needs to be some kind of international Council of Fug Identification, Containment, and Treatment, and Maggie’s wardrobe would be submitted for a thorough decontamination.

First rule of The Sag: Don’t accentuate The Sag. WEAR A BRA.That might actually be the subtitle of this site, if enough women persist in wearing dresses that let them droop. Maggie really, really needs to arrange the girls in such a way that they don’t look like tears that her neck has wept.

Are those… pockets? And an elastic prairie-style sleeve? That’s just smurfy.

But it might be better than I Sent My Outfit To A Bad Dry Cleaner And The Whole Thing Shrank:

She looks like a genie who got mauled in the bottle.

Finally, while we’re here, it never hurts to make the following comparison, even though Kirsten “dumped” Jake (read: was allegedly dumped by him because he got sick of the blizzard that was constantly raging in her nostrils). So I present to you…

Jake’s ex:

Jake’s sister:

Am I noting their resemblance as a quiet way of wondering whether Jake is trying to find a woman who looks exactly like his sister, but with whom he can have the sex and the babies without being considered a social freak/outcast whose children have five eyes and no kidneys?

Not at all! Not at all. That’s a different kind of blog and I can’t believe you would think I was going there.