The Fug Life

GOOD NEWS! Paris Hilton’s designed a line of clothing for Steve Madden.*  This is going to be perfect for all those times where you’re standing in front of your closet, getting ready to go out and wishing you had something that was just a little more fame-whorey.

It will not surprise you that Paris has her finger firmly on the pulse of What a Girl Wants, and what we all want — this part MAY surprise you — are very tight, shiny white pants:

I hate to say it, but P Hilt kind of works these. I mean, she’s really REALLY shiny all over the place here — like some kind of Lame Lovers Barbie — but she’s looked worse.  The thing is, Paris Hilton also weighs like 100 pounds. Most women would put on shiny shiny white tight pants and things would go seriously awry. There would be frowns, and tears, and people asking if they’re supposed to be able to see their reflection in your ass. It’s like these pants are part of Paris’s evil plan to take over the world by sending every other woman within the Los Angeles county limits to the sanitarium for one reason or another (eating disorders, sex-tape-related shame spirals, nervous breakdowns precipitated by her stealing your boyfriend). And we must fight her on it. Please, readers, do not bow to Paris’s will and buy her pants.  We must stop her.

*GOODER NEWS. We’ve been informed by the nice people at Steve Madden that Paris has NOT designed anything for Steve-o. Steve Madden merely provided the shoes herein.