The Prizewinner of Fug, Ohio

Julianne Moore, you delightful redhead. I adore you and your russet mane. I also like saying “russet mane,” as though I were a romance novelist, because that seems like it would be a fun job to have, if only for all the euphemisms you’d get to come up with. There is a bit of romance missing, however, in Moore’s latest dress:

SO close, and yet not quite — sort of like the clothing equivalent of your field goal clonking off the uprights in the wrong direction. I myself am rather up-and-down, so I feel her pain, but there’s something about this that just makes her look slightly boxy and a bit bland. Kind of like a mini-wheat.  I hate to sound like David Spade in those old SNL skits about the Gap salesgirls (fellow elderly readers know of what I speak), but maybe she needs to just cinch it with a belt? Awesome necklace, though. Very romance novel worthy. I can see those gracing the cover of Roderigo’s Windswept Family Jewels, easy.