The Pursuit of Fuggyness

TOM: I FEEL GLORIOUS.

MARK: Unnnnnnnhhhhh.

TOM: I LOVE MY VERY GOOD FRIENDS WHO I JUST MET THE OTHER WEEKEND AT MY WEDDING! WE HAVE BEEN TIGHT FOR HOUR UPON HOUR!!!!!

KATIE: I hope nobody notices my wispy non-bangs. They were all over my wedding pictures. Yikes.

MARK: Unnnnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

KATIE: I don’t know why we couldn’t airbrush that out — I swear I NEVER read that L. Ron Hubbard frowned on airbrushing, but I guess maybe I haven’t been to enough classes.

TOM: I CLIPPED THE HAIR OF THIS RIGHTEOUS WOMAN!

KATIE: I really wish it would grow back. I don’t know why I have to be Samson in this story. Where is my medication?

TOM: HER FOLLICLES OF TRUTH HAVE FERTILIZED MY BANGS WITH HER EXTRAORDINARINESS!!!!

J.LO: HAH. You mean her extra ordinaryness. I’d like to see her pull off a Princess Leia shirt. They are NOT paying us enough for this.

MARK: Unnnnnnnnnnnh…

J.LO: Oh, shut it, Pouty — I make you shave ONE TIME and you go all zombie on me in public? That is for bedroom games! And WHY didn’t you put on the foundation I gave you? Your complexion is gray.

TOM: LET’S PLAY ‘SPIN THE AUDITBALL’!

J.LO: Ay, dios mio. Here we go again. No wonder the child bride is going cross-eyed.