The Fugly Fugless

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Those are underclothes. And that is a cigarette. And while I can’t clutch my pearls too hard at that, because every kid learns for him or herself how crappy those make you feel, I can suggest that I’m really sad at the depths of Taylor’s hot-messitude. 

And yet, I think all this is a joke to her — that she believes she’s being hilarious. Take her shoes, for instance:

Your eyes do not deceive you: These are Lucite stripper heels that double as a tip jar, complete with a money slot (something, incidentally, we also almost saw in another photo that I will not post, in which we get a view straight up Taylor’s non-dress). These would be sort of funny on Halloween. Or in an actual strip club. Or maybe on Lady Gaga, who is quite a bit older than Taylor, and therefore the owner of bits and pieces at which it’s legal to peep. But here, they’re just really creepy and sad. It’s like Taylor is saying, “Ha ha, I know, don’t I look totally trashy?” But the joke, it is on her, and it’s about as clever as if Jay Leno wrote it.

Possibly she’s just rebelling against all the people like us who’ve begged her to look into pants and wash her face, because she is sick of hearing it, and so whatever we think, she’s going to do the opposite. If that’s the case, then I have this to say: Taylor, you look awesome. Truly. In fact, if possible, I want you to wear skirts so tiny they’d defeat even the most powerful scientific microscope, and enough eye makeup that it looks like your face is sponsored by Michelin. Also, keep smoking. Smoke MORE. It’s REALLY good for you! And don’t ever lop off your hair. Don’t even wash it. I approve. Do you hear me? I APPROVE OF DUMPSTER MOMSEN. 

Okay, kid, NOW what are you going to do?