The Real Housefugs of Fug York

I’m sure it’s been challenging for Kelly Bensimmon here to come up with a way to top fellow New York Housewife — or, rather, “Housewife,” as she’s neither a wife, nor someone who works in her home — Bethenny Frankel’s nude PETA ad. (Honestly, I know Bravo is just using “Housewife” at all because the show was inspired by Desperate Housewives, most of whom are also not literally housewives either, but it’s not very accurate. Desperate Housewives, as a title, is really evocative, but Real Housewives of Whatever is just misleading, as none of these woman are exactly housewives, nor are they particularly real.  A more accurate title might be, The Real Drama Queens of Wherever, or An Up-Close Look At the Lives of Those Bitches Who Live Down the Street From You and Are Always Prancing Around Wearing Something Horrible and Screaming.) Also, the more you type the word “housewives,” the less it seems possible that it’s an actual word. Anyway, though, whatever they are, Kelly and Bethenny don’t get along and I’m sure looking at Bethenny’s bare ass all over town is making Kelly crazy, which surely has lead to this disaster:

It’s as though Like a Virgin era Madonna mated with the dregs of a high school drama department’s clothesline and the resultant off-spring opted for a career in low-rent performance art.