Twenty-Fug

She’s been kidnapped, chased by a mountain lion, held in a basement by a psychotic Dillon brother, been arrested, been a nanny, survived flaming car wreckage, had a dead body in the trunk of a car she stole, been a hostage in a robbery gone wrong, and been elevated to a terrifyingly intimidating desk job at CTU for which she was roundly, thoroughly unqualified.

And now, Elisha Cuthbert of 24 is facing the biggest threat to her yet: taffeta.

See how it chokes her! See how it massacres her figure into a wrinkled, misshapen hunk! See how it aggressively washes her out! See how she pairs it with deadly white pumps — a la the ones I snuck from my sister’s closet 1988 and wore with my Laura Ashley dress, stuffing Kleenex in the toe so they would fit — and a seafoam-green bag that matches the Jell-o salad my mom used to make at Christmas!

And we thought things couldn’t get worse.