Ugly Fugty

I’m not one of those people who thinks you have to wear makeup to look fabulous, and we’ve certainly made our fair share of comments about Kelly Osbourne’s history of painting her face into a borderline ghoulish kabuki mask. So I’m not some crazy slap peddler. But what does confuse me is the trend of wearing a ton of makeup so that it looks like you’re wearing none. Observe:

The pearl-necklace dress, I find sort of amusing; the shoes, I desire greatly. But whenever I look at Becki Newton’s otherwise adorable face here, it’s as if her lips blend right in with the rest of it — I kept wondering if they were chapped, maybe, and she’d just slathered them with Carmex, or wiped them really hard with a napkin after dinner. And then I saw a close-up:

See? Plenty of makeup. It’s just not really DOING anything for her. So why stress out your pores like that at all? It’s like spending your drive time having imaginary arguments with people in your head over things that haven’t even happened yet and probably never will, but IF THEY DO, boy would you be PISSED, and you get yourself all riled up and then it turns out none of it had any basis in reality and everything is fine so you’re just left with the residual dissatisfaction that comes from not saying your piece. Even though your piece was insane and no longer applies. Not that I would know anything at all about that sort of behavior.