Unfug It Up: Dita von Teese


unfug-it-up

I don’t care for this, and I can’t put my finger on why:

Other, of course, than the part where it looks like she tacked on some rando black fabric to her underwear and decided to call it a day; I venture a guess that this might work better without that Sexy Mourning Sash. What do you think, Fug Nation? Can this, shall this, could this be saved? Please enlighten us!

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Comments (1324):

  1. Mrs. Julien

    Rip off the sash and lengthen the skirt. With the shorter skirt length it looks a bit “Cat House on Ice”.

  2. Christy

    She looks a bit too much like Ann Miller after she got caught in some sort of shredding device. Fix the sash and add some taps to those shoes and we’re in SHOW BUSINESS!

  3. Cassie

    Cut the sash, turn the skirt from the ruffles that look like the petticoats can-can girls wear into a solid black-sheer over the gold and we might have something. I’d lose the hose if it were me, but I know that look’s pretty in right now, so I guess it’ll pass.

    We shouldn’t expect anything different, however. It’s Dita – we’re lucky it doesn’t have “I’M A RETRO PIN-UP!” written on it.

  4. Mire

    Cut the sash, make the bodice black and a bit less racy.
    Or tell her to go back home, she’ll never give up on the whole “I’M A PIN UP!” vibe, while she bores everyone out of their skulls with it. She is boooooooooooooooooooooring.

  5. Ranee

    For starters, the gold/beigey colored fabric clashes with her lovely skin tone. She always looks so put together, but this looks like some Wal-Mart reject.

    Perhaps if the gold was some pinky-peach and the whole thing had the black overlay like the skirt.

    And, of course, lose that sash thing. Perhaps a sassy little tight fitting jacket?

    I don’t know….maybe this is just an epic fail.

  6. Anonymous

    Remove the big black swatch of whatever that is, and save the rest of the outfit for Halloween. It’s perfect if she’s dressing as one of Miss Kitty’s saloon girls.

  7. Anonymous

    Get rid of the black boob thingy, and make the skirt, get rid of the ruffles on the skirt. And get rid of the black hose. I HATE black hose.

  8. Jennifer

    In addition to all the problems with the dress (as pointed out so eloquently in the other comments), I’m not on board with the semi-sheer black pantyhose.

    The ankle-straps on the shoes need to go too.

  9. Katie

    Is it just that you are so, so, so, so of her whole shtick?

    Lose the whole thing. It’s tired.

  10. Anonymous

    Too much boobs, too much froofery- we expect a very severe, controlled look from Dita. If she wants to change from corseted pinup to kewpie doll it might be interesting but she needs to go all the way.

  11. Paige

    Lose the sash and it’s fine. I like her pinup look, and I like that she’s still doing it even though it’s “trendy” now.

  12. Mrs. Julien

    I’ve always liked her pinup look. I do agree that a severe controlled look is more of her standard fare. I love that look. As long as she doesn’t get stuck in a time warp a la Ann Miller she’ll be fine.

  13. Judy

    Lose the black hose for sure, and if you’re going to wear underwear as outerwear, don’t try to semi-cover it up with a weird sash. Her poor squished boobs look like someone harnessed up ‘ole Bessy and pulled the reins too tight!

  14. annmartina

    A shirtless Michael Flatley is waiting in the wings for the next act of River Dance

  15. Minda

    It’s sort of a slutty, vaguely Scottish-inspired skating costume. Like it replaced the plaid with lace (that still looks slightly plaid-ish in this picture anyway).

  16. yvetterene

    That long black sash that extends from her right breast area is awkward and has no place. Take that off, and it would be okay.

  17. PD

    Take off those pantyhose, get rid of that sash, and call it a day. It’s Dita von Teese. She’s a burlesque performer and fetish model; what else do you want from her life?

  18. Louise

    it looks like the Scottish showgirl outfit Greer Garson wore in Random Harvest.

  19. jamie

    It just looks like an undergarment. So, it could be saved by… putting an actual dress over it.

  20. Ghanimatrix

    The skirt is awful and the proportions create the illusion that she is constantly holding in a big breath. The tights are bad too, and the ankle ribbons are way too high and look kind of too tight. The black droopy sash is actually the only thing that keeps her from looking exactly like an aging baton twirler at a marching band reunion.

  21. Brooke

    First off, can you believe this is current-season Dior? I think she felt safe in it because of its blue-blood pedigree and didn’t look at it closely enough to identify the inherent cheapness of the look (it seems like one of her striptease outfits which, like stage makeup, has no place anywhere else).

    I think if she countered the overt lingerie look with something classic and menswear-inspired the combination might work. Lose the ruffles and add a knee-length pencil skirt and bolero and it would be classic Dita.

  22. caetthegreat

    all I could think of when I saw this was “THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!” I think it’s the breastplate-looking-corset thang she’s got under the dress…or mayhaps I’ve been watching too many action movies lately..seems like all I watch anymore.

  23. Fuh Ugh

    She looks great – from the collarbone up and the ankles down, but everything in between MUST GO! Damn, that’s hideous on so many levels. The real pies de resistance though is those sheer black hose. It’s like “Working Girl,” where all the office secretaries wore those hose and then put on their thick white socks and trainers to walk to and from work. At least Dita is wearing decent shoes. Still. Ugh.

  24. mina

    It needs sleeves! Gah…I am so sick of strapless dresses they are so not classy or practical or interesting anymore.

  25. vandalfan

    I love Dita, and like what she’s getting at here. Off with the Scottish mourning sash, and no skirt at all, just a satiny underpant- go big or go home. Love the shoes and stockings.

  26. discountdiva

    poor Dita…looks like she could use a fashion intervention here. At the very least, a few new wardrobe staples. Speaking of, is anyone else heading to Loehmann’s for their “pick your sale day” deal? It starts tomorrow (6/1) and runs through Monday (6/8). You get 15% off your entire purchase with this coupon: http://bit.ly/15offsale

    An added bonus, if you’re an Insider’s Club Gold or Diamond member, you save an additional 10%

    I’m looking forward to getting a few things to update my summer wardrobe. Can’t wait!

  27. Suzanne

    Thank you, Mina. I was beginning to believe I was all alone thinking strapless is the most overdone trend since that one Hootie and the Blowfish album nearly drove me to suicide. Swear to God, if I see ONE MORE BRIDE in a strapeless gown and up-’do, I’ll…I’LL…

  28. Janellionaire

    It’s like it’s too much, and not enough at the same time. It needs to be more special, in a way that all the sash-and-ruffle foofery is not accomplishing. Also that length just isn’t working. Needs to be longer and more retro-sexy, or shorter and more actual-sexy. This length looks like a ballet costume. Basically I would say just start over, but if we HAVE to unfug THIS outfit: (say it with me) “LOSE THE SASH”.

  29. Miss Nikki

    (If this was taken when I think it was)
    Dita was in SPAIN. She was going spanish themed. That’s what she does, it makes her happy.

    It isn’t THAT bad.. though I don’t really like the stockings with it…

  30. stylewylde

    First things first, I totally love Dita. Yes, sometimes her look is a bit costumey, but it is a refreshing change from all the 1980s spandex legging-wearing that is going on right now. As far as this look goes, I think (as other said) a longer skirt and simplified black top, would give this a sweet Audrey Hepburn vibe instead of the saloon-girl look she is working.

  31. JanetP

    Well, the skirt’s all wrong to start with — since when does Dita do short lace ruffles? (Since never, that’s when.) (I don’t care if she was in Spain — it’s much more Dita to channel the Inquisition, doncha think?) Anyhoo, black leather pencil skirt and I’m in. For her, anyway. Without the black breast sash.

  32. Other Cooking Tools

    He lodged an official complaint, but the governor refused to rebuild the track, instead offering to buy the farm. Other Cooking Tools

  33. Cecily

    Seriously, it looks like someone walked up, grabbed the black sash and YANKED it from her left boob, leaving it to languish near a torn skirt. Gives new meaning to the term bodice-ripper!

  34. F Saunders

    Why are ladies these days wearing shoes that make their feet look like hooves? Talk about fug.

  35. Feena

    The dress is woeful, the pose is worse.

  36. flory

    It’s a new trend in dining out — BYON — Bring Your Own Napkin.

  37. Sweetsinger

    Dina looks like she was donning her costume for her role as a saloon dancer in the 3-D remake of “How the West was Won” when her set trailer caught fire and she ran outside, grabbing her cat on the way, and the poor terrified creature stuck its claws in her bodice and ripped the sash away from her left breast as it fought to escape, then ran through the set never to be heard from again.

    In other words, this ensemble is a complete do-over.

  38. Ms S

    Her left boob looks like an open bottle of Cointreau.

  39. marcia

    Add a splash of relevance, and I might care.

  40. Cheryl

    I think it needs burning. Once she has something else on, of course.

  41. Mrs Uhr

    Giant Ferrero Rocher?

  42. albeli

    Longer length.
    Get rid of the random stapled on sash thing.
    Go up a cup size in the bust (or deflate those puppies–not sure if they’re real or not, but they don’t look real if they are).
    Not feeling the über-platforms.

    Overall, the feel of the dress is too young for her, which is particularly unsettling when juxtaposed with her retro hair and makeup (which has gotten way old).

    She’s pretty much in the weeds at this point, style-wise.

  43. Anonymous
  44. tigerstripes

    Yes, the black sash/drape thing looks like John Ashcroft’s attempt to cover the boobs of Justice. Lose it, even if it is Dior.

    Since it’s Dita’s thing, I think the skirt needs a huge triangular ruffled hoopskirt under it. If you’re gonna go Vargas pinup, go all the way, I say. Speaking of which, that severe hairline isn’t doing her any favors, ditto the winged fake eyelashes, which make her look a tad cross-eyed. It’s like she’s sacrificing her looks for her art, which is so confusing to me, because her looks *are* her art, right?

  45. Jenny

    There is nothing redeemable about this.

  46. Debbie

    I fully expect her to jump into a Scottish fling dance….just add bag pipes and drums.

  47. 3girls

    Assuming we are letting Dita be Dita, and not trying to make her, you know, non-costumey, I’d like to cosign on the leather pencil skirt suggested above. Clearly, the sash must go. Or maybe it could be detached and lengthened a bit and turned into some kind of retro wrap? Also, does anyone else think there’s something odd going on with the cups of her bustier top fitting differently? Miss Righty looks all full and buxom and vintage-pin-uppy, while Miss Lefty just looks like your typical implant tacked onto your typical startlet’s scrawny ribcage.

  48. tigerstripes

    I noticed as much about Dita’s boobs, 3Girls, and I have one word to say, but it’s such a harsh word. But maybe I should say it anyway, in order to warn young women who think breast implants are all skittles and beer. Here’s the word — Encapsulation.

    You know, sometimes I think I owe Helen Gurley Brown so much. Back in ’74 or so, Cosmo had a two-page photo article titled, ‘Boob Jobs Gone Wrong.’ and I have never forgotten it. Not that I could — The Horror!

  49. Lizzie

    Well, I don’t really think there’s a good way to save this. And I suspect that the reason you don’t like it has mostly to do with your purported hatred of using underwear as actual clothing.

  50. Catherine

    Make the skirt longer, lose the black sash, and maybe attach some thick straps to the top. Oh, and maybe make the skirt opaque.

  51. Reviews For Jake

    She looks like the ‘Skipper’ to Sarah Jessica Parker’s ‘Barbie’. Sigh. The only way to save this, is to recycle it for the “new” Cyndi Lauper, whomever THAT claims to be…

  52. Lilliah

    I have implants, and I live by a simple rule- just leave them where they are, they’re already *perky enough*, ahem. I feel queasy when I see women pushing their boobs around.
    That being said, the only thing I always feel like I want someone to ask her is “Don’t you ever just get TIRED OF IT?”

  53. La Seditiosa

    Remove the mourning sash and it’s good to go. I’m not really into the hose, but I can live with them.

  54. Hanne

    She looks like a Ceasars Palace cocktail waitress.

  55. RenaissanceGrrl

    Hm. Maybe turn the sash-y thing into a (thinner) halter strap? Truthfully I kinda get her vibe and this isn’t really bad at all.

  56. will-smith-but-not-that-guy

    I’m not sane. I LIKE this, sash and all! It’s Ditta von Teese people, this is her at her best! Heck, even Bai Ling could work this beautifully. Even BRITTNEY could work this beautifully. EVEN LILO could work this beautifully. Dare I say this….EVEN PARIS COULD WORK THIS BEAUTIFULLY??? Guess I said it, huh…..??????

  57. Mara

    I think if it were a different color beneath the black- say… dark red or blue- it wouldn’t look so much like a curtain, and I’d like it better. Also, that black sash should go.

  58. Jenifer

    Looks like a Scotish goth.

  59. Leigh

    Is it just me or is this whole look reminiscent of a Ferrero Rocher candy.

    My suggestion: Unwrap. Start again. :|

    http://socialhoneycomb.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/ferrero-rocher.jpg

  60. Blanche

    She only needs a pair of 6′ jet-booster-laced steel wings in an art deco feather pattern, and gladiator shoes with matching bronze winglets adorning the ankles, and someone to cast her in a Flash Gordon remake. That should bring it all together tidily.

  61. Sarah

    She looks like Pebbles from the Flintstones..

  62. pita bread

    Remembering all the crazy outfits of Dita I think this one is relatively normal if I can say so. She looks almost OK and that’s a lot as for Dita von Teese.

  63. Tombarina

    Can’t be saved. Shouldn’t be saved.

    Just let it go…..

  64. Clover

    Hey Jessica – did you just use rando as a word? Or was it a typo?
    I secretly really hope you just used it as a word, because I’m now going to be dropping into a fb status or tweet straight away. :-)

  65. Christina

    When I first saw this my first thought was “this is sooo definitely going to end up lambasted in GFY”.

    It’s actually quite nice, just lose the sash and make hemline a tad longer. Other shoes would be nice, too.

  66. Carrie L.

    Hose her down. She looks greasy and like she needs to bathe. Once she’s cleaned up we can fix the dress.

  67. Share

    Look: Dita is Dita, just as Gaga is Gaga. Under those rules, this is fine. There are some people who just have their own thing going.

  68. GClay

    Dita always gets a pass. Always.

  69. kg

    Looks like a weird kilt to me–she just threw away the jacket and left her undewear on top.

  70. kg

    Looks like a weird kilt to me–she just threw away the jacket and left her undewear on top.

  71. Amy

    There is something sashy boy/girl scouty about it.

  72. bilijin

    I really shouldn’t comment on stale personal trends, since I live in black pants and a black t-shirt, but I am really bored with the pin-up shtick. I never notice what she is wearing anymore, because it’s always the same. Why bother?

  73. b

    I actually think Dita always looks great. I know people find her retro thing is getting old, but she never looks less than beautiful and put together… which is better than we can say for most of the rest of Hollywood! I give her a pass, even if the skirt and sash are a little odd.

  74. daryl

    You could save this by returning it to the store.

  75. Carol

    You could save this by fixing the titscrepancy, taking off the drapey thing, making it all one color, and making the skirt a different length. You could also save this by wearing something else entirely.

  76. NYGLAM

    She looks like an effeminate Rumer Willis.

  77. Lili

    Yes, I am the type of woman who needs to change her hairstyle/color/highlights every other season *at least*, and my overall style clothing-wise has never remained very consistent for more than 5 years or so- since my teens, I’ve been through various phases including but not limited to: a punk phase, a vaguely hipsterish phase, an I-buy-everything-from-Anthropologie phase, and the subsequent backlash had me embracing all the studs and tight clothing I could find..what I’m getting at is, if *I* were this woman, I would have hung myself by now from the sheer boredom of looking THE SAME ALL THE TIME OMG YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL BUT ENOUGH ALREADY.

  78. sema4

    Too short and youthful for her. Would be OK were it cocktail – or ballerina length, remember when we used to call that mid-shin length ballerina? (and of course minus the mourning sash as someone hilariosuly called it earlier) the black stockings wouldn’t be so bad)

  79. Gena Wilhite

    Lengthen the skirt, change the style to pencil. Voila!

  80. Anonymous

    That is Dior. She looks marvelous!

  81. buttercup

    The whole asymmetric boob thing is SO tired. It’s not very flattering either.

    And something about ankle-strap shoes with hose…just…no.

  82. Laurie

    take off the sash and she becomes a golden wonder woman – new action hero!

  83. International fug

    The sash is totally inexplicable! Not cute, not edgy, not military, just in the way! Excise it. A cardigan adds an unexpected twist.
    And change the background: agree with” ms s” that there’s a weird reverberation between the bottles and her boob.

  84. HD

    ENOUGH already with this look, and not you can’t make it better.

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