I desperately wanted that floral arrangement in the background to turn out to be a huge hair accessory:
That would’ve been the insanely on-the-nose touch that pushed this outfit into camp hilarity. As it is, it’s leaving me cold: To pimp her movie about the ups and downs of love, Biel chose to wear a dress that looks like a someone washed it with a homemade valentine, accidentally ran it through a paper shredder, and then smeared it with the blood of a rapscallion? MAYBE if she’d worn less stale shoes, an updo that didn’t look as if it were falling apart, and matchy-matchy lipstick, I’d feel more warmly toward this. And if the movie didn’t look like one of those enraging rom-coms that’s neither rom nor particularly com, but instead full of people whose problems could be solved if they simply stopped being stupid, maybe I would be able to drum up enthusiasm for a dress that appears to be an homage to the love/hate subject matter. Meaning, I think I’m supposed to love it, but my emotions are falling somewhat short.
How could this be better? Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic: Shorter length, without the shredded bits? Better color? Better styling? Better actress? (ZING. OH YES I DID.) Or would you refuse to change a thing?
Comments (179):
Oddly, the colors on this dress are the least of my issues with it. I kind of like it even though it’s pretty much hitting everyone over the head with “I’m in a stupid rom com!”
The length is the main issue. This sort of flowiness needs to be shorter, or you run the risk of looking like Scarlett O’Hara after she’s butchered a Yankee with a straight razor. This would be great at knee length. I would also remove the mono sleeve. I hate mono sleeve.
Though I generally think Jessica looks like a pre-op tranny, she manages to look genuinely feminine otherwise, and I am happy with the hair and make up.
Hee! I thought the thing in her hair was part of the outfit at 1st and it would’ve been better.
I’m not sure how to unfug, maybe pruning shears, but just wanted to say she looks like peppermint ribbon candy.
PS- Down with VD- movie and actual day. Except for any chocolate thrown my way. I will down that.
Actress aside, I think this would be cute if it had a real hem. I think handkerchief hems always look as if they are made with real handkerchiefs and not in a good way, if there is such a thing.
I actually like this dress. I totally understand all of Heather’s issues with it, but for some reason it works. Maybe because it is happy and floaty and is a nice change for Ms. Biel? I think if it were short, it would be a bit twee. So, I say leave it as it and accept it for what it is.
Perhaps if she were on her way to a Valentine’s Day-themed ball, something this twee would be appropriate. For a movie premiere, even one centered around V-day, NO. Too literal. It reminds me of one of those princess costumes that 4-year-olds walk around in.
At first glance I thought the heart was one of those shoulder decorations that Chris March did a couple of times on Project Runway. Or related to those sea creatures clinging to Drew Barrymore’s dress at, was it the Golden Globes?
I’m with wakeupmaggie and am only bothered by the hem on the dress. Tho only other chance I’d make is plop the floral arrangement down onto the shoulders and get rid of that smug mug. Perfection!
Replace the skirt with a shorter, neater version and replace the Jessica with Leighton Meester or something and I would like it. Bonus: killer pumps in an unexpected color that pops, a sleeker updo, warmer lipstick, an expression of pure bliss. I love certain elements, though…
Astoundingly enough, I actually like this dress. I would prefer it strapless (hate the one sleeve trend…isn’t it due to be over??) but I agree that shorter would make it too figure-skaterish. I agree with the shoe choice, only because I didn’t even see them until they were pointed out to me…they SHOULD disappear for this particular ensemble, as there is enough going on without them.
Like the small number of accessories, but lord, do something with this girl’s hair already! Of course, she leaves me cold…she always looks like she’s trying to hold back a sneeze. I’m only grading the dress…so B+.
Y’know, despite the fact that I agree she does somewhat resemble peppermint ribbon candy, the colors of this aren’t really a problem for me. She’s got the complexion to carry off pink and white well…
Although maybe a red lipstick instead of the matchy 80s serious pink would be better.
That said, the ruffles and handkerchief hem and the crazy messy bow (is that a bow?) on the shoulder have to go. There’s enough going on with the color that I want to see the rest done really simply and maybe knee length? Maybe just a tad a-line and swishy so that there’s a LITTLE drama, but right now this says to me rom-com meets running-through-the-forest slasher, and that is not a good image.
If it were shorter with a real hem, the dress could work a la Lea Michele’s Grammy awesomeness. Add better, less same-color-as-her-nearly-translucent-legs shoes, make the makeup dewy, not just-woke-up with matchy lips and do something — ANYTHING — else with the hair. Then you’d be, well, as “there” as you can be with Jessica “I’m Only Still Famous Bc I date J.Tim” Biel.
She needs to dress it down a lot. It looks like she’s trying WAY too hard wearing this to a movie premier.The colors don’t bother me so much as the trying-too-hard-to-be-relevant-ness.
Make it a knee length pencil skirt, get rid of about 20lbs of ruffles and wear the hair down- pin straight and CLEAN. Cute Loubitin peep-toe platforms. Chunky bracelets.
The part I like about this dress is the bodice. If she lost the shoulder thing, and had a different skirt (like it would have looked before the shredder perhaps), with more interesting hair, that might do it for me.
i actually had a dress that color. When I was eight. At least mine didn’t look like angry pre-schoolers attacked it with their safety scissors. No candy stripes, no shredded layers, a hem, either two sleeves or sleeveless would improve this. Improving Jessica would probably involve a three-year full ride scholarship to RADA.
I like the silhouette and the fabric and even the ruffliness of it (c’mon, it’s Valentine’s Day; she couldn’t have done severe), but the colour is rank. It looks like pink streaky bacon.
Same shape, but in plum or navy blue would be perfect; with pillar-box red shoes (with the navy blue) and a red lip; plus a kicky high ponytail (I’m thinking Drew Barrymore at the He’s Not That Into You prem).
Ooh, and knee-length! Without the raggedy hem.
So, different colour, length, hem, shoes, hair, lipstick. Other than that,, totally fine…
She stole the dress my mum made for my favourite Barbie in 1990!
First of all, re-cut it so it FITS around her bosom, which looks painful.
Make it strapless and pull that hair out of her face.
I like the flutteries but it’s too much in that fabric.
It would be more fun and graceful as an ombre–light on top blushing downward to dark around the hem, in a more flattering shade than that awful pink-coral over off-white.
Add Jimmy Choos, big earrings and gaudy bracelet (no necklace), and DONE!
If it were black and white, instead of red and white, and it were to…the knee. And then she could do the red lips and look hot (red shoes too). Oh, and her hair looks like she let her nieces play with it or something. All up or all down, Biel.
Make the skirt a knee length tulip skirt, peep toe ankle boots in pewter, a killer bracelet.
Just shorter, right above the knees, and everything would be OK. And everyone could just watch Love Actually in the comfort of their own home on Sunday.
I agree about shortening them hem, and then adding some peep toe platforms in a contrasting color… maybe a robins egg blue?… and ditching those accessories, it looks like she dug them out of her jewelry box at random.
Hack that sucker off to about knee-length and call it good.
Now, interestingly enough, I have a powerful craving for a strawberry smoothie. Who’s buying?
My gut reaction is; it needs to be a different dress, on a different actress, promoting a different movie. Because no good can come of the movie she is promoting. That being said, it would be strapless, with a shorter real hem, cuter strappier shoes, a loose wavy hair-do and better make-up.
Carrie at the high school Valentine’s Day Dance
It could work as a long dress of the non-shredded variety. It’s especially the lower part that need to be de-shredded (um, glued back together?), giving it an actual hem. I don’t really mind the hair (it isn’t interesting, but neither is she…), or the lipstick.
The dress is far too much for her and the colour sucks but I’m far more worried about her face, what is up with it? Did she always look that odd or is it a recent development?
She looks like an outcast from Pat Benatar’s “Love is a Battlefield” video. Ugh.
It isn’t just peppermint, it’s peppermint that’s been left unwrapped and gotten all runny in our Louisiana humidity. In spite of the bright color, it’s really blah, or would be if the hem didn’t push it over into dancing with the stars awful.
Why does she annoy me so much? There are lots of actresses who can’t act, so it can’t just be that.
it reminds me way too much of a strawberry cream (life)saver.
I’m not sure if something happened to make my cold, dead heart grow several sizes this year, but I actually kind of like it. It’s the first time I’ve found La Biel all pretty and feminine. Sure, it’s floaty and twee and carries a hint of ghost bride(smaid), but if that’s what it takes to make her stop carrying herself like a linebacker then by all means, twee away.
I’m not sure if something happened to make my cold, dead heart grow several sizes this year, but I actually kind of like it. It’s the first time I’ve found La Biel all pretty and feminine. Sure, it’s floaty and twee and carries a hint of ghost bride(smaid), but if that’s what it takes to make her stop carrying herself like a linebacker then by all means, twee away.
Let’s see. I love the colors and the peppermint candy effect, but shorten it and ditch the shredding. And replace the nipple-pink stripper pumps with something strappy. Oh, and hair that could make up its mind whether it’s up or down would be nice too.
It would be beautiful if it were shorter. This length just doesn’t work with the cut, fabric or color.
At the risk of being just really gross, I have to say it reminds me of used feminine hygiene products. Someone had to say it.
I think this dress would work better if it were shorter, as it appeared on the runway. I would guess that the issue is simply that JB is shorter than your average runway model, so the dress is longer on her. This looks like it would be a difficult dress to shortened. The other thing I would change are the shoes–they’re way to heavy for this dress!
I like the bodice of the dress a lot. I say cut to above-the-knee length, pull all the hair up and add bigger earrings. Also add Justin Timberlake as date. Diane Kruger has learned the benefits of a handsome escort, why can’t she?
I’m so glad someone else mentioned “Carrie”, ’cause that’s all I can think of looking at this dress. Blood soaked chiffon. Ick.
i like the dress but the colour is off. pardon my being crass, but it reminds of that time of the month. it’s just not a good colour – a solid would work better, perhaps even different colours?
or perhaps that just what i’m thinking because it’s that time of the month.
also, i don’t like the ragged hem to the floor, perhaps shorten it. in fact, i don’t like ragged hems, period.
i swear, i’ve GOT couth.
Dress would be better in a different color/pattern. it looks like toilet paper used to take off red nail polish.
No help for the girl
First: put Carrie Bradshaw in replacement of La Biel. Now we are talking. Then we can cut the hell of the skirt and make this a nice cocktail dress.
The dress would be cute…shorter and on someone else.
Biel drives me nuts.
Who is her stylist? Do they run out of time and forget to do her hair until the last second?
Her hair looks blah at every event.
She makes me question JT’s taste level.
Pretty much unsalvageable. But bright fire engine red patent shoes would help, would indicate that she is really owning this look, instead of looking a little apologetic about it, as well she might.
Looks to me like she forgot to feed her cat. The cat saw her about the leave without doing anything about MY EMPTY DISH, and jumped her on her way out the door, tearing her and the previously white, and now bloody, dress to shreds. My Bloody Valentine indeed. So since she isn’t visibly wincing from the scratches, maybe we should cut her some slack?
Naaaah.
I think that she finally dressed in something that seems to suit her, so I have to applaud that, but I think it could have been toned down a bit in the shredding area…or maybe just have been made into a knee length dress.
Make the dress about tea length, instead of straggling all over the ground. Add some super red cha cha pumps, and give her a better do. I agree on the brighter red lipstick. Boom. Done.
Definitely agree to shorten the dress; either mid calf or just below the knee. Then the ragged pieces will be lopped off and it will be a cute ruffly peppermint concoction. Her hair is often Cameron Diaz messy (is she trying to hearken back to Justin’s former flame?) but she doesn’t pull it off the same for some reason. Pull that scraggly piece back. The shoes are tough, I like the comment someone made about robin’s egg blue, that would shake the whole thing up. Or maybe a royal purple.
Visualize Whirled Pets.
Is it just me or does this dress look like un-cooked bacon?
Nothing is bad with bacon…and a diet coke.
Oh, give the girl some credit – at least her dress is not plain! And she matched it with the perfect shade of lipstick. My only concern is her hair.
Make it knee length, pair it with some killer red pumps, and put it on Penelope Cruz. This is all wrong for Biel. WRONG.
WHY can’t Jessica Biel seem to figure out her hair? It always looks like she had some elaborate updo, got cold feet about pulling it off in the limo on the way to the red carpet, and started doing that petulant tomboy thing where you rub your hands frantically in your hair to look like you don’t give a damn, right after your mom spent hours combing it for school pictures. Oh, Jessica Biel, your mom’s going to be soooo pissed when she gets back the order form for those wallet-sized portraits, and her smoothed-down demure daughter is all Teasy McRattyDreads.
Why does her hair always look dreadful? Is she always coming from the gym?
Give her a better up-do and take off the fins growing out of her shoulder, and I’d say fab.
Basically, shorten it, dye it, and change Jessica Biel to Leah Michele.
Looks like crushed-up candy canes. Or peppermint bark.
Pretty much just put her in another dress entirely. She’s a bit of a tomboy, so putting her in a dress this over-the-top and girly is making her look like she’s playing dress-up, and not in a good way. Remove all of the shredding, make it knee-length and strapless, and give her some amazing reddish pumps.
Come to think of it, I really NEED to see this in motion. With all of the fronds and shreds, it would probably look like a sea anemone having a seizure. There’s never a wind machine around when you need one.
It might have been pretty… I like the wrapping around her bodice but the fabric looks like a shrimp that I want to dip in cocktail sauce.
Womb. It just looks like a helluva lotta womb. At the end of your period.
Maybe it’s the diet talking, but that looks like it’s made of thinly sliced bacon, especially around the bodice.
I just can’t stand HER. Never thought she was very pretty.
Of course it doesn’t help that my boyfriend fawns over her.
And I have to admit I kinda like the color scheme/shreddedness of the dress, but the hips are too full. Streamline.
That dress looks like chopped up Surimi. I do like the overall shape, and I think if it was a different colour and not shredded it would be fine.
Then dress is quite appropriate in a way, since it mirrors the kind of clumsily-executed train wreck I assume the movie will be.
This reminds me of those cheap white carnations that are dyed red at the ends of the petals- and when you are being compared to Valentine’s Day flowers, you do not want to be the cheap white carnation dyed red at the ends of the petals. I think change the color to red (or even a deep pink) and make the skirt into something with more of a smooth ruffle instead of ripped apart bloody Kleenex.
Candy-cane-that-bled fabric AND ruffles is too much. Pick one.
I actually like this a lot. I have an overfondness for ruffles generally. Only things I would change:
Get rid of the shredding around the hem — keep it floor-length, just not shredded. And throw away those awful cream-colored shoes forever. Replace with something cute in red or black patent.
Only Diane Kruger could pull this off. Jessica Biel is no Diane Kruger.
Remove the actress and replace her with someone of whom I can bear to see a picture, and then we’ll talk. Until then, I’m doing the visual equivalent of putting my fingers in my ears and singing la la la la la la la!
I also can not stand her. I think I would like this dress a lot more on someone else and at an appropriate event. This is not a movie premiere dress, this is an awards show dress. She looks foolish.
She looks like a modern day Carrie White in this dress. Seriously, did something bleed all over it?
Now I really want some peppermint bark.
I do like the shoulder and the bustline. It fits her nicely. But everything else is too much. The color, the floaty fabric, the ripped up appearance…too much. Thumbs way down.
I suddenly have a hankering for some rasberry swirl icecream. Yum.
I applaud her effort on this! I think it’s rad and she looks cute and girlish. She normally is so very beige, perhaps even taupe, that it appears she is actually trying to make herself look unattractive. So, it does appear to be a little confection-y. Who doesn’t want to be a delicious holiday candy?
The damned thing looks like she had a nosebleed, wiped it off with a tissue and then had said tissue made into a dress. Ew.
I’m not sure a better actress would even consider wearing this outfit. So I guess she gets last pick for movie roles and dresses?
Heck, JT didn’t even accompany her as arm candy, so it didn’t get his stamp of approval either…
This dress leaves her oddly stump-ified. Like, I feel like some old socialite might have lopped off her feet to the ankles and then used the blood to wash the dress to prevent it from being white (because we all know that it is a sin to wear white after Labor Day). Maybe if it were a shorter length – above or below the knee, but not cocktail – it would have been better. I don’t really have any bones to pick with her makeup, even if the lipstick is several shades off. But if that giant bouquet really was a hairpiece, I would be willing to forgive everything wrong with this look and just run with the camp, but I don’t think that’s something Jessica Biel is capable of.
I think the top is quite lovely, but from the waist down it should be figure-hugging rather than this messy hankerchief arrangement. Like a narrow pencil skirt that flares out a bit towards the bottom.
The shoes should be more nude and less pink, and nix the lipstick altogether.
Since when is J.Biel still relevant anyway?
I think the top is quite lovely, but from the waist down it should be figure-hugging rather than this messy hankerchief arrangement. Like a narrow pencil skirt that flares out a bit towards the bottom.
The shoes should be more nude and less pink, and nix the lipstick altogether.
Since when is J.Biel still relevant anyway?
Argh, the color – like she gorged on candy canes and threw up on herself. I’d suggest another color, but then the seaweed skirt would be more noticable. Best not to think about it anymore.
Oh, leave poor Jessica Biel alone! You KNOW she’s too beautiful for Hollywood! Just ask her.
” peep toe ankle boots in pewter” – that’s a joke right? right? ?
SOMEBODY pass this girl a tampon!
I was going to post how to change this dress for the better, but ya know what? I think it would still be fugly whatever you did!
I love the dress.
On a slightly off topic note Åse is totally right. Valentine’s Day reeks of “Love Actually rip-off.
Why is it that Hollywood feels the need to take British concepts and redo them, usually ending in failure?
Life on Mars, Cold Feet, Coupling, Teachers.
Just because The Office worked doesn’t mean you should keep trying.
I love the dress.
On a slightly off topic note Åse is totally right. Valentine’s Day reeks of “Love Actually rip-off.
Why is it that Hollywood feels the need to take British concepts and redo them, usually ending in failure?
Life on Mars, Cold Feet, Coupling, Teachers.
Just because The Office worked doesn’t mean you should keep trying.
It looks like someone used an “Ohio Spin Art” toy to color it
You’d think someone SOMEDAY will tell her that she needs to stop doing her own hair in the car on the way to the red carpet.
Although this could have been worse, and I don’t actually feel screaming hatred or revulsion when I look at it, changing it to the point that it becomes actively attractive and flattering to her would involve so extensive a revision as to qualify as the creation of an entirely new and different dress. Not fixable.
I’m with Harriet and Angela and Ana on this:
Barbie Bacon Chiffon!
I think I’d like the dress if I saw it in action. Maybe with a slight breeze involved. It looks a bit like a motionless sea anemone here. And I see no feet unless I look closely.
Does it look like artificial crab meat to anyone else or is that just me? Coz that was my initial thought…
It reminds me rather strongly of a lionfish (see here http://www.fishchannel.com/images/fish-news/lionfish-red-500.jpg)
If she’d made it quite short (not shredded), worn kicky shoes and earrings, and looked like she wasn’t dying inside, it might have been quite a nice dress.
I agree with alot of the above. Mostly the color is what bothers me, it reminds me of sushi. Or shredded radish. It’s just hard to look good in something so fleshy.
Also, it’s a few inches too long. It’s hard to appreciate the “artistic” fringe. Instead it looks like it got stepped on.
I like the one-shoulder and decolette, and fit.
If the skirt was just a few inches long, it would look good on Katy Perry.
I try to picture it in all one color, yuck.
I’d like it in solid, that red, though.
anyway
I think I’d love it if it was shorter.
Good dress, bad hair, orange eye shadow?
I would have checked the “is she still dating Justin Timberlake?” box.
Is she still dating Justin Timberlake?
It reminds me of the wrapper on a strawberry vanilla cone icecream. You know, when you tear it off and there’ll be some melted vanilla and strawberry on it…
I’d like this dress if the stupid one arm sleeve thing was removed.. I like the lenght, I do. But I don’t like how it’s ripped. Brings me right back to the slimy ice cream cone wrapper.
mmm…ice cream
dress looks all bloody and tattered like she just narrowly escaped death by blender.
It looks like the wearable version of one of those strawberry-cream lollipops that are hard candy but inexplicably taste like cream and vanilla and frozen yogurt all in one. Maybe she chose it in case she got hungry walking the red carpet…
The dress has a very floaty, whimsical feel about it, which is probably why I’d like to see it better grounded. The beige shoes were a bad idea; she should’ve gone for a darker color, even a black would’ve worked with the right accessories.
I agree about the make up – darker around the lips and eyes would’ve been more flattering.
Smooth out the hem of the dress. The design and the ruffles make the dress busy already, no need to exacerbate the issue. Actually, I’m going to echo a comment from above: cutting it down to cocktail length might actually make it more flattering. It would keep Jessica Biel from looking overwhelmed under all that fabric.
I actually really like the fabric and don’t mind the matchy-lipstick. I think the dress would be ADORABLE shortened – think Lea Michelle’s grammy dress length, paired with strappy and/or glittery heels and better (perhaps a slightly wavy, unkempt updo?) hair.
…for a moment there, I truly thought one of those options was ‘hate it with the white-fire of a thousand nuns”. The very thought terrifies me so much that I have almost no recollection of the dress to which it was referring.
I love this dress, and I take no issue with *her* per se…..but I do think the dress would look nice in a different colour. Not a pink or blue pastel, because then it would look too Easter-y, but maybe a slightly dark green or a pretty smoky blue-grey…..?
her facial expression is nothing short of beleaguered
I love it! But yeah, would have been cool if those roses were like a shoulder corsage or something.
I LOVE IT! AND I LOVE HER IN IT! I’ve never been excited about Jessica Biel and IT’S EXCITING TO FEEL EXCITED ABOUT HER!! That dress totally reminds me of melty, smeared peppermint striped taffy and I LOVE PEPPERMINT TAFFY THE MOST! Just…darker eye make-up.
Now I’m craving for radish salad
That sure is a big looking corsage…
For me this look only needs changng the hair, and the shoes could be more fun. The dress is gorgeous, and she wears it really well.
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This sort of thing needs to happen! Simply letting the quota happen isn’t acceptable. Generally this will allow you to take the inititive to make things happen.
This is a good subject to talk about. Generally when I come across these sort of things I like to post them on Digg. This article probably won’t do well with that crowd. I will be sure to submit something else though.
It’s pretty interesting that the mainstream media has changed the way it looks at this recently dont you think? What once seemed like a never discussed issue has become more prevelant. It’s that time to chagnge our stance on this though.
This is tough. I’m not calling you out though, really I think its everyone else that is responsible.
This is tough. I’m not calling you out though, I think it is everyone else out there that isn’t taking notice.
Good thorough ideas here.I’d like to recommend checking out such as something like cheeseburger. What do you think?
very informative post. Looking more to something like this
Great points altogether, you just gained a brand new reader. What would you suggest in regards to your post that you made a few days ago?
I’m curious if you ever have problems with what people post? Honestly the internet used to be like a different place, although it seems to be changing for the better. Do you agree?
This sort of thing needs to happen! Really its a must to take a look past everything and get upset. Generally this will allow you to take the inititive to make things happen.
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Thank you for the great content. I am glad I have taken the time to see this.
I’m curious if you ever have problems with what people post? The internet never used to be like that, recently though it has turned around. Do you agree?
Just now you can branch out from your daily understanding. The best thing you can do is become relevant with yourself and faithful with your own morals. This will lead to a sad and unfulfilling life.
Hi, keep up the awesome work!
Have you ever wondered who posts some of this stuff that you come across? The internet never used to be like that, recently though it has turned around. What do you think?
Just now you can branch out from your daily understanding. Don’t give up your morals for anything. This will lead to a sad and unfulfilling life.