Well Played, Dakota Fanning

Dakota Fanning is 14 now, which means that we’re probably about six months away from a crack pipe tumbling out of her purse, a photo shoot in which she dresses up like Jessica Rabbit, and an accompanying interview with copious f-bombs and the announcement that she really digs Goldschlager.

Hell, never mind — by this industry’s standards, we’re actually probably six months OVERDUE for all that. It’s so refreshing to see her looking like a nice young girl.

She’s adorable. Seriously, Ali Lohan is only two or three months older than Dakota, yet she looks like she’s Lindsay’s 32-year old sister. I once saw a photo of that kid at age 13 at a beach party, standing next to her “mother” in full makeup and a bikini so small you could roll it up and hide it in your nostril. When I was that age, I wore t-shirts over my bathing suits if I thought there was even a SLIGHT chance I’d be swimming around boys. It’s just… I can’t relate.

So three cheers for Dakota Fanning. I don’t care if she’s an old soul or secretly still playing My Little Pony in her room at night when her parents think she’s sleeping. I want to hug her and reassure her that nightclubs aren’t even really
very fun, that liquor before beer only theoretically keeps you in the
clear, and that her skin will thank her for resisting the urge to rage.
Hip, hip, hooray.