Well Played, Jennifer Lopez

“Hola, lovers. Drink me in, like a tall, warm glass of red vino (which you should not let any frail little nocturnal person pour for you JUST IN CASE, HAHA, remind me to tell you that story, lovers, it is funny and it ends with me using one of my servants to tie somebody to the door of my pantalones closet, heeeee!). Do you not cherish me today, with my pretend hair and my frills? Do you see what I see? I am like Carrie Bradshaw in Paris, with big skirts, or in Vogue, with big skirts, or in New York, with big skirts. I am Sex and the City. I am sex and I am the city. There is passion and there is a homeless man living under here in a box. HAHA. No. No es verdad! But listen: You do not need those boring old ladies to make more movies. You need fresh meat. You need Jennifer Lopez. You need Sex and The Block. It will be full of real, and also, real in espanol means “royal,” which it will also have. What happens when a woman runs out of space to keep her giant ball gowns? What if her house staff can’t find her toilet gardenias? What if she tries to go to el supermercado, and it doesn’t have valet parking? What if her friends come over and bring QUICHE? And her man sucks on raw meat? These are real and real problemas, lovers! Ay, the horror! The comedy! Let me bring it to you. Let me make you a plate of Jenny with a side of block and some steamed ordinary! Porque I have nothing to do after this and if you live next summer without ME, you will CRY LARGE TEARS OF SAD. So get to it! Write your local congressthing! Or studio whoozit!

“Whee!, 

“J”