Well Played, Paulina Porizkova

I will have been doing this job for five years in July (wow) and it’s given me many helpful and obscure skills. For one thing, I can identify even extremely low level celebrities via very small portions of their face. Most of the time. Occasionally, this leads me to lean over to Heather and hiss, “OMG IT’S GYWNETH PALTROW,” when it’s actually a dude, but usually I am correct. I am able to justify watching shows like The Bachelorette by sniffing, “It’s for work.” (It is not.) But most of all, I am able to psychically divine the subconscious messages each celebrity is expressing via his or her clothing choices.

Here, Paulina Porizkova is saying, “I’m 44 years old, and I look AWESOME in what is essentially one of the more subdued costumes from Xanadu on Ice. That’s right, this dress is SHINY and I am BITCHIN IN IT. SUCK ON THAT, TYRA.”