As a follower of celebrity trends, a woman, a person blessed with the power of sight, and a human being, I would like to officially offer a heartfelt expression of thanks to Robert Pattinson, for showering:
You clean up so good, dude! You’re so cute! Was it really that hard? (Your tie is like a hair too short, but let’s pretend that was just because Kid Who Plays Jacob That Everyone Wants To Recast Maybe was throttling you with it earlier, in some kind of job-insecurity-related stress rage, and we really can’t hold you responsible for that. Especially in light of the fact that you look SO MUCH BETTER THANK GOD.)
Stewart, I’ll deal with you later. Let’s just say…Jessica Biel’s Unwashed Oscar Hair of Shame was maybe not the right choice.