Well Played, Viola Davis

VIOLA DAVIS: I am so excited. I can’t believe I’m here!

DUDE BEHIND VIOLA DAVIS: Holy cats. That woman is FOXY.

VIOLA: I had twelve minutes on the movie screen and my nose was totally
running for at least half of it! But I still got nominated, because I kind of stole the hell out of that scene from Meryl Streep!

DBVD: I could play her like a viola, if you get my meaning. She could come join my string quartet, if you hear my drift.

VIOLA: I’m 43 years old and I never thought this time would come, but it did!

DBVD: She’s 43?!?!? HOT DAMN. Shoot, somehow that makes her even finer. I cannot stop checking out her ass. I may need to Twitter her, if you know what I’m saying.

VIOLA: I am going to WORK THIS, fools! Drink it in, but it won’t be your only sip!

DBVD: Sip? Why, I could tap that entire cask of finest vino and chug it in two minutes, if you smell what I’m steppin’ in, succulent lady!

VIOLA: ‘Cause, see, I have a rockin’ bod and a killer face, this dress rules on me, and I don’t look a day over 35. So after my big nomination, I am NOT going to disappear into the ether or do Botox ads like that Virginia Madsen person. Hell no, Hollywood. I am here to STAY. GET READY TO LOVE ME, Y’ALL!

DBVD: Yeeeeeah, baby, that’s right — I already love you. I could love you all night.
Maybe even until sometime in the early morning, before I have to sneak
back home and get in bed just in case my mother checks on me and
notices I put a blow-up toy under the covers. Which…. shoot, my curfew is in fifteen minutes. At least this will make the AWESOMEST Facebook status update EVER.