Why Did I Get Fugged?

“Hello. My name is Janet, and I’ll be your hostess tonight here at Ombre’s Fabulous Caftan and Sushi Emporium.  Your table is ready. We have two specials tonight: a spicy tuna roll with avocado and mango, and this spectacularly fabulous/totally f’ing crazy caftan-gown which handily doubles as a parachute if you happen to get pushed out of a plane and yet is still dramatic enough to work if you wake up in an alternate universe where you are starring in Dynasty:Intergalatic. It also transforms into a really fantastic window treatment. Can I get you folks a drink to start?”