You Make Me Wanna Fug Fug

[Photo: Splash News]

PETE WENTZ: Ashlee? You’re supposed to be smiling more.

ASHLEE SIMPSON-WENTZ: Pete? Honey pie? You’re not smiling either.

PETE: You’re the one who said, “Oh, everyone thinks we’re having marital problems. We have to be HAPPY.”

ASHLEE: Just because I’m not showing my teeth doesn’t mean I’m not smiling. See? I have an upturn to my mouth. I’m just being STYLISH. What’s your excuse?

PETE: My excuse is that you’re not being stylish, and I’m aggravated.

ASHLEE: Said the boy whose pants are riding up over his socks.

PETE: Seriously, what are you wearing?

ASHLEE: It’s FABULOUS. You just don’t get it. I sewed a cape onto my dress in the shape of an infant sling! That way, I can wear this and bring the baby out with us. Or just use it as my purse. Or just remind everyone that I am both hip AND a grounded mother who always has her child in her heart.

PETE: It’s insane. You look like a witch. You’re going to catch that thing on a chair and fall over and concuss yourself and probably get amnesia, and THEN where will we be?!?

ASHLEE: On the cover of People?

PETE: … Hmm. Actually, that’s not a bad silver lining. Just try not to have the kid in it when it happens.