Fug File: Fugs and Pieces

Jessica is on vacation for this week’s F&P.

Hey, cool it with the rage eyes, Pacey. I’m going to try.

– This ad for Sensa is maybe the greatest thing ever. It includes an abacus. It’s clearly intended as parody, so the fact that it’s a real ad they’re using makes me love them. Even though I am not into diet fads and am also frightened of whatever the hell Sensa really is. [YouTube]

– I was JUST reminiscing about the glories of “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit’ It,” and the signature dance move from the video that we all used to do in college whenever the song came on at a party or a bar. And now here comes a timely breakdown of the lyrical and visual insanity of that production. Damn, that Will Smith had a magic touch, because he spoon-fed us this sucker and we loved it, and WHY, and yet also, YES.  [Grantland]

– Naomi Campbell was awesome and fearsome on The Face. But apparently not fearsome ENOUGH to stop her top contestant — the one who made it to the finale — from running off with her boyfriend. CHILD. YOU DO NOT RUN OFF WITH THINGS THAT BELONG TO NAOMI CAMPBELL. I imagine steamy retribution is forthcoming. And by “imagine,” I clearly mean “hope.” [LaineyGossip]

– This profile of legendary L.A. drug dealer Freeway Rick is fascinating, not least because he is now out of prison and trying to make bank by selling — among other things — hair extensions: “Just like crack, you don’t need weave,” Rick says. “It takes advantage of people’s ignorance, I guess you could say. But there’s a lot of stuff people don’t need, and still we consume it. That’s how business works in America. It’s all programming—accessories—things we’ve been made to believe that we want.”  Dammit, Freeway Rick, why do you have to be so wise? [LA Magazine]

– Sex and the City turned 15 this week, which means it’s probably just finished being the youngest one to be asked to Prom and is now being forced to work a boring summer retail job while doing Princeton Review classes. In honor of this, there is much content: Huffington Post did a supercut of all the guest stars, whereas Cosmo whittled it down to just boyfriends; Refinery29 proffered its most cherished moments, which you can compare with the list of favorite episodes on MTV’s Hollywood Crush blog; and E! provided collections of noteworthy Carrie Bradshaw outfits. [HuffPo, Cosmo, Hollywood Crush, E!]

– The Hollywood Reporter claims Carey Mulligan is in the running to play a young Hillary Clinton in a movie called Rodham. Which is not the most compelling title. At all. It actually feels kind of porny, and I say that as a person whose last name is TOTALLY porny. But what do we think about that casting? I have to admit, the side-by-side included in that link is awfully convincing. [THR]

– Kate Winslet is pregnant by her new husband, Ned Rocknroll, and Cosmo correctly takes the haters to task for being all slut-judgy about it, as if her being married thrice and procreating with each husband is a sign that she doesn’t care about what’s best for her kids. Can’t we stop sniping at her for her presumably well-intentioned romantic struggles — one might argue it’s a credit, and a good lesson, that she still believes in trying for the happy ending — and all go back to judging her for marrying a guy who VOLUNTARILY changed his name to “Rocknroll”? [Cosmo]

– Okay, this is too irresistible. Jensen Ackles from Supernatural, who has had to deal with an ENORMOUS amount of fan insistence that he is actually dating/in love with his co-star Jared Padalecki, just became a dad; he and his wife named the child Justice Jay, and will call her JJ — which to some people equals “J2,” which I gather is how fans who believe Jared and Jensen are a secret couple refer to them, and thus they’ve decided it’s a code signaling Jensen’s real One True Love. And one fan put together an entire textual and video history of proof of their relationshi, because she thinks it’s being systematically erased or denied. It has NINE PARTS, plus an intro, plus a conclusion. I don’t agree with its central assumption that Something Is Being Covered Up, but its mere existence — and the fact that it’s eloquent and spelled correctly, something many people would still have you believe doesn’t exist in Internet fandom — is fascinating. Also, I want to give J2′s wives/girlfriends/whatever some really big hugs. [Storify]

– Channing Tatum gave a very charming and self-aware interview to Vanity Fair, which will make it even sadder if/when he turns out to be a cheating lying dog. Not to be a cynic, but the universe LIVES to pull the rug out from under the celebs we decide are The Real Deal. [Vanity Fair]

– Judging by the number of e-mails and Tweets we got about it, Fug Nation REALLY hated Lake Bell’s Marchesa wedding gown. And it does look like a Georgina Chapman fever dream. [ONTD]

– I don’t watch Game of Thrones, but even I know what the Red Wedding was at this point. And this mash-up of it with The Princess Bride is the only way I ever want to see it, because Fred Savage makes everything sweeter. Warning: It’s red-wedding-y. [Vulture]

– This went around the Internet like wildfire this week, but just in case you missed it, Slate did a piece on what drowning really looks like (the answer: not obvious, and thus, too easily missed), and it’s essential info for anyone planning to spend time by the water this summer. I got halfway through it before I realized that simply reading it was changing the way I was breathing — deeper, longer, slightly more desperate inhalations. Scary. [Slate]

– A Revenge clothing line? Isn’t that basically already Herve Leger? [Refinery29]

– We need to discuss that Alyssa Milano is hosting the next season of Project Runway All-Stars. Yes, Samantha Micelli. (Our theory is that somebody told her it was for baseball’s all-star game and that now she’s super confused.) In dissecting who might’ve been a better choice, Previously.TV showed admirable restraint in not simply writing “ANYONE AT ALL.” But hey, maybe she’ll be fine; at least you know she can show up and deliver a line, even if none of the contestants will respect her fashion judgment. Seeing this, would you?!?  [Previously.TV]

– It’s Scandinavian parenting week on the BBC, apparently — first, a Fug National directed us to this article about a maternity package given to new mothers in Finland, which includes…  wait for it… CONDOMS. Oh, a cardboard box the baby can sleep in. And there’s also a piece on how it’s a common thing in Nordic countries for young children to take their daily naps outside. Even in winter: “When the temperature drops to -15C (5F) we always cover the prams with blankets,” says head teacher Brittmarie Carlzon. How kind! [BBC.co.uk]

– Did you know there’s a video game based on the band Frankie Goes To Hollywood? Flavorwire found fifteen pop-culture-based games like that which you can play RIGHT NOW, for free. Hello, “Dallas Quest,” “Thompson Twins Adventure,” and “Rap Jam Vol. 1.”  Good luck climbing out of this rabbit hole. [Flavorwire]