28So, yesterday, I almost ascribed Eva Longoria’s peekaboo outfit to some pre-Cannes crazy, until I remembered she does that a lot. But maybe I spoke too soon.
CLEARLY, the poor girl has Cannes Fever. I hear the prescription for that is more cowbell, but I’m not sure how that would look with her fancy shower curtain. Maybe she could hang it from the hem that’s scraping her crotch, like some kind of modesty chime.
[Photo: WENN]
112Apparently Kim had a tough time finding a dress to wear because of how she’s pregnant, which… y’all, her uterine occupancy level is not a secret at this point. If the people creating gowns for her aren’t making proper allowances for the fact that pregnant ladies’ wombs have the audacity to keep growing throughout the entire gestation period, then they are jerks. But also, she switched into this one at the last minute and then her stylist made them add sleeves because of her arms, or something…? And so on the one side, Kim reportedly has Kanye all mad that she was messing with his friend Ricardo Tichi’s piece of art, and on the other, she has a new stylist who supposedly fat-shamed her pregnant ARMS to the point where they wallpapered them. I want to hug her. Yes, you read that right. Somehow, even temporarily, I am on Team Kim Kardashian and I want to take her out for lunch and be like, “All those jerkwads can suck it, MOST ESPECIALLY for not stopping you from wearing that hideous floral carpet in the first place. JUST STAY HOME and crack wise at the live feed like the rest of us. Way more fun.”
[Photos: Getty]
I’m not sure how else to say this except: At the Australian Star Trek premiere, this… is a thing that actually happened.
It’s like she’s wearing the break in the changing-room curtain — you know, when it doesn’t pull cleanly to the opposite wall, and someone walks by and accidentally sees you between pairs of pants. This is not a dress; it’s a snapshot of the act of getting undressed. And not for nothing, it’s REALLY SUPER FREAKY. YOUR PANTIES ARE YOUR BUSINESS.
[Photo: Getty]
So, you know how we’re always saying, “Nice slinky dress, Kristen, but would it KILL YOU to wear a COLOR?”
I think she may be flipping us off here.
[Photo: Getty]
@onewilliamsj one of them is YIKES. - J
4 photos in gallery
Cannes Fug Carpet: Paz Vega
Because it’s just not Cannes without a near-vaginal experience.
[Photos: Getty]
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