So I think Call Me Crazy is a movie about mental illnesses, which is a very important and serious topic, but given that it is Lifetime we’re talking about, I REALLY hoped it was actually about five women who snapped and killed people/threw people down a well/stabbed cheerleaders with vegetable peelers/ stalked their former lovers/ stole people’s identities. Come on, Lifetime. We need a Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? for the 21st century.
[Photos: Getty]
It’s well documented that I love me some Friday Night Lights, and as such, I will always love Aimee Teegarden for being Julie Taylor. Oh, sure, that whole episode where Julie acted like a pill toward her baby sister, and then dumped Matt for that hideous “The Swede” character, was maddening — but only because she’s such a good kid, and I want her to be happy. She needs to get back on the QB1 train and help him get over the loss of his grandmother’s hot nurse. Or hook up with Tim Riggins. I feel like that might be the solution to anything that ails ye — just get loved up by Tim Riggins and EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.
And maybe that would spill over into Aimee Teegarden cleaning out her closet and purging it of stuff like this.
While I’m sure the Dr. Scholls people are thrilled that she’s wearing their arch-supporting, therapeutic, yet fugtastically soul-injuring sandals out in public, they are both a) awful, and b) an especially horrific match to this dress — which, itself, looks as though it came from a catalog called So It’s Your Third Wedding! that she found outside a David’s Bridal. I know there’s a lot of pressure to grow up fast in Hollywood, but honey, enjoy being young while you can. No need to rush into wearing clothes that generally only see the light of day at a ceremony where someone in the crowd snorts, “White? After TWO divorces? Who is she KIDDING?!”
I’ve covered before the awesome forces of testosterone present on Friday Night Lights (which got renewed after its flawless first season, temporarily restoring my faith in the universe). But the women on that show are totally my bitches also, the adorable and talented Aimee Teegarden among them.
Unfortunately, at the Maxim Hot 100 party, Aimee chose to emulate another actress who was once adorable and talented, and who is now a cracked-out punch line: Lindsay Lohan.
Seriously, Lindsay would have worn this about a year ago while staggering out of Hyde, or out of someone’s motel room, or on her way into her trailer four hours late for work. And then Dina would’ve shown up in it somewhere else around town trying to pretend she borrowed it from her “sister.” These are not good mental associations for us to make, Aimee. Rescue yourself from the Lohan Leggings Curse. Make your TV mom, Connie Britton, take you shopping — I bet she can help you nip this in the bud. Also, please ask her what moisturizer she uses, and report back. Thanks.
Here, I could digress for a long time about Maxim, and the wisdom of putting our sad, scandalous Lohan at No. 1 as opposed to, say, almost anyone else on the list. Not that she’s not pretty, and you know we’re all pulling for her over at GFY HQ even if Intern George is still a little disturbed that both she and her mother have allegedly tried to sleep with him. But the hottest woman in the world? Really? Over Jessica freaking Alba? Or Halle Berry?
And also, can we discuss how scarring it must have been for Mary-Kate Olsen to see her not-technically-identical-but-who-are-we-kidding-they-look-almost-exactly-alike twin sister ranking at No. 37, while she herself was left off entirely? There was no room at ALL in the other 63 spots on the list — one of which went to something called “The Avatars of Second Life,” words that mean nothing to me and I don’t want them to mean anything to me, but presumably, it refers to FAKE PEOPLE — to throw the poor, troubled twin a bone? Preferably one with a lot of protein-heavy meat on it? I’m too distraught on poor M-K’s behalf even to let fly a snicker that Jessica Simpson placed 25 spots below Ashlee. That’s how much The Plight Of The Homeless-Looking Twin is affecting me. For shame, Maxim.
All hail the return of Rapid Beaver, my favorite typo ever: http://t.co/SnOs6P0a4g
Teen Choice Awards 2013: The Complete Nominations
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Fugs and Fabs: The CW Upfront
All hail the unexpected return of The Carrie Diaries! Between that and Hart of Dixie, The CW is thoughtfully keeping our fugcapping racket in business. However, the network also has a show about Mary, Queen of Scots, called Reign; some weird looking alien-human yada-yada called Star-Crossed; a remake of a show called The Tomorrow People (which I used to watch when I was a kid and will probably watch at least twice now), and The 100, about juvenile delinquents sent back to nuclear-ravaged Earth as test subjects, and (I assume) Lord of the Flies-style shenanigans ensue. Let’s face it: I will probably give all of those a shot, because nobody speaks my language like The CW, even when it speaks it fairly badly. Of all of them, I’d say Reign has the only Fug the Show potential, but then again, it’s not like I can speak with any authority on clothes from that era — although I CAN say I wish the romantic lead would manscape a little better.
[Photos: Getty]
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