Fugger: Britney Spears

Grammy Pre-Party Fug Carpet: Kim Kardashian, With Bonus Britney

Feb 13, 2012 By Heather AT 3:30 pm
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Memo to Kim Kardashian:

SIT DOWN. Take a vacation. Don’t tell anyone where you’re going, don’t take any pictures, don’t tweet, and don’t rush back into dating Reggie Bush — a.k.a. the athlete it feels like you have been trying to replace, including with your ill-fated wedding — because you REALLY REALLY REALLY NEED TO STOP FOR A WHILE. Be single. Read a couple books on the beach. Wear sweatpants. Spend a week without makeup. Do something resembling anything that isn’t this.
and this photo rules

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A Letter of Truth Britney Spears Retrospectfug

Dec 27, 2011 By Jessica AT 9:00 am
1999
Oops, I Did It AgainOops Tour, 20002000 Teen Choice AwardsTRL Photo Shoot, 2000
35 photos in gallery

HI Y’ALL!

In the spirit of Christmas giving and sharing and loving and cheeseballs and mistletooties and Santa and New Year’s eve and New Year’s Eve and why aren’t I in that movie? You KNOW I can act, y’all SAW Crossroads.

What was I saying? Oh, right. Y’all, I thought it would be fun for all of us all to take a look back at some of the cracked-out shit I’ve worn in the last ten years. Even I don’t know what I was thinking but let’s just blame Justin for most of this right? Right. (Not really, Justin, you were the best thing that ever happened to me call me Jessica Biel is no me. Jessica Biel isn’t even Cameron Diaz, am I right? Y’all know I’m right. Yeah, yeah, I’m all engaged to whatshisname now and yeah, whatshisname is actually all nice and responsible and BLAH BLAH BLAH I STILL HAVE THE MATCHING DENIM OUTFITS IS WHAT I AM SAYING.)

HAPPY HOLIDAZE,

BRITNEY!

[Photos: Getty, Wenn, and Splash]

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VMAs LETTER OF TRUTH CARPET

Aug 29, 2011 By Jessica AT 9:00 am
2011 MTV Video Music Awards
2011 MTV Video Music Awards2011 MTV Video Music Awards2011 MTV Video Music Awards2011 MTV Video Music Awards
5 photos in gallery

“Hey, y’all!

Let’s be honest: all y’all figured that when MTV finally got around to giving me some kind of tribute it would be because I was DEAD but here I am and sure I’m wearing ruffled formal shorts but DEAD I AM NOT even though at some points tonight I kinda wished I was. Let’s review:

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LETTER OF TRUTH: Part Billboard Awards

May 23, 2011 By Jessica AT 1:00 pm
2011 Billboard Music Awards
2011 Billboard Music Awards2011 Billboard Music Awards2011 Billboard Music Awards
4 photos in gallery

“Hi y’all. It’s a Letter of Truth in several parts, like three or maybe four. I lost count. I don’t know. The Billboard Awards were kind of depressing, y’all.”

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Letter of Truth: Part I’M BACK

May 12, 2011 By Jessica AT 12:00 pm

Hey y’all!

Okay, first of all, y’all, don’t even ask me what’s going on with Jason’s hair because I don’t know. I think he saw how good my extensions are looking — aren’t y’all SO RELIEVED that my extensions are looking better? Jamie Lynn always says that my weave is the window to my soul and when it’s looking janky that’s how she knows to take any kind of stabby accoutrements away from me, whatever that means. Isn’t Stabby Accoutrements a store in the Westside Pavillion? I don’t know. Anyway, they look good now and that’s how y’all know that I’m doing okay in terms of what my dad calls my “mental” “state” and ANYWAY WHAT I WAS SAYING WAS: I think Jason is jealous of my lustrous and non-stabby hair and is trying to grow some for his own self but every morning when I see it all bed-headed up, I’m like, “Y’ALL WE HAVE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS” but the thing is that he’s really nice to me and he helps me to be basically non-crazy and therefore I guess it doesn’t REALLY matter what his hair looked like. After all, I was once married to a back-up dancer with cornrows, so things could TOTALLY BE WORSE.

Speaking of things that could be worse

Fug file: Well Played,
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Letter of Truth: Part OH NO AGAIN

Jul 7, 2010 By Jessica AT 10:00 am

Hey y’all! I know we JUST talked about stuff and things and whatever but I had to just pop my head back in again and tell y’all about how I’m on the cover of Cosmo this month! I mean TECHNICALLY it’s not ACTUALLY me, it’s just MY FACE and actually it’s just PART of my face because that’s not my forehead and it’s also that’s not actually my hair but PART of my face is on the cover of Cosmo this month and isn’t that exciting!? Also, now I know the answer to that question there about what to do if you ate a whole pizza: Photoshop!

Whee! Okay, back to whatever I was doing before (prank-calling Justin). (YES, STILL.) (Why are you so judgmental? Didn’t you ever love someone, [ALLEGEDLY] cheat on him with his choreographer, have a long, drawn out break-up complete with dance-offs, and then pine after him for years and years and years and years and years and years, despite having gotten married twice in the meantime? I THOUGHT SO so shut it.)

TTYL! Maybe tomorrow because after like three years of sitting around the Valley sticking my head under the nozzle on my Soft-Serv machine I SEEM TO BE BACK WHOO HOO.

BRITNEY

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