WHOOPS I CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK ON THIS THING. I HAD THIS WHOLE EXPERIMENTATION GOING OVER THE WEEKEND WHERE I THOUGHT THAT IF I TWITTERED TWEETED…TWAT? NO. WHATEVER…LIKE KANYE THAT MAYBE OH YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TOO TIRED TO EVEN TRY TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU JUST REALIZE THAT OH SHIT NOW MY PERIOD KEY IS also stuck oh my God I fixed it. I fixed them both! I am a competent human creature after all, MOM.
I know it’s been a while and you would be forgiven if you thought that maybe I was locked in the wine cellar of my house in Calabassasassafras listening to the new Justin album over and over and over again and then maybe getting a little drunk on, you know, the wine, and then maybe spending like a week making fun of Jessica Biel for that one song where he basically tells her that he loves her because she is so into HIM and everything she does is about HIM HIM HIM HIM and the lyrics are basically essentially TOTALLY “I love you so much because you are so into ME and we both realize that ME ME ME ME is ME and ME with ME and MEEEEEE.” Because I mean honestly I guess I was a reflection of him that time we both wore the matching denim outfits but other than that Britney Spears reflects ONLY BRITNEY.
But that’s not what I was doing. I actually have been super super super busy because apparently I am dating some dude who is busy pledging a frat right now:
That explains why we did those keg stands earlier. But also I really wanted to tell you two things:
(1) I might be over Justin after I deprogrammed myself in the wine cellar last month
(b) but I will NEVER stop loving brown knee-high boots for AS LONG WE BOTH SHALL LIVE
(4) I would just like to remind everyone in the entire universe that you all made all this blah blah blah blah blah about how Britney so crazy that I named MY first baby SEAN which is a NOT a direction or an adjective or even a noun
(#) Now that I am over Justin I think I should maybe marry Prince Harry. TAKE THAT MIDDLESCHOOL, or whatever your name is.
That’s all have a good summer stay sweet,
[PHOTO: PAC COAST NEWS]