Fugger: Cate Blanchett
If anyone else were to wear this, I am fairly sure I would be working up a Tin Man joke, and then I would have berated myself because Heather already made that joke when Nicole Kidman wore something disturbingly similar (albeit way shinier):
But, you know, it’s Cate Blanchett. And this feels so Cate Blanchett-y to me that if I were writing a play called An Evening With Cate Blanchett, starring Cate Blanchett, in which Cate Blanchett just walked around and waved at the audience, this would have been Cate Blanchett’s costume. Because a metallic suit that makes her look both kind of awesome but also sort of like an alien is EXACTLY what I imagine Cate Blanchett wearing, like, whenever I think about her. Brushing her teeth: this suit. Reading a magazine: this suit. Hiking the Adirondacks: this suit. And because of that, I can not judge whether or not this suit is good or bad. It is just…BLANCHETT. In fact, Just Blanchett might be a better name for my play. Just Blanchett!, even. Just Blanchett!, opening this fall at the Circle in the Square. It’s better than Cats!
Welcome back, Cate Blanchett!
It’s been a while, my friend. The last time you showed up on our site, you were wearing someone’s grandmother’s afghan, so let’s all heave a huge sigh of relief that nothing on your person today appears to have been crocheted. Am I in love with your pink suit? No. Do I think you’re about to walk up the aisle at your son’s wedding and then watch bitterly as he marries that floozy from accounting who once told you she was allergic to your world-famous Jell-O salad? Yes. Do I HATE it? No. Do I think the sleeves look a bit like you’re in the middle of hatching? Yes. Have I decided yet one way or the other where I’m going to vote in the upcoming poll? No. Is it coming yet? Yes:
It’s an admirable effort from a sassy lady, but no amount of vamping can change the fact that Cate Blanchett is wearing a throw somebody’s grandmother crocheted in 1974 and which has lived on the basement sofa ever since.
For real, there are probably several people out there reading this and going, “Hot damn, I lost my virginity on that dress.” At least it appears Cate Blanchett is having more lasting fun with it than about 70 percent of those folks did.
Full disclosure: Mostly, I love this.
Cate Blanchett is just so striking, and this dress is a perfect example of something that is all about context. On some CW starlet it might just look like she’s trying to be a more cheerful version of Mary-Kate Olsen; on Emma Watson, I would wonder if she’d stolen the official witch’s robe of the Hogwarts sex-ed teacher; on Liza Minnelli I would fear she had fallen into the orchestra pit and banged her head on a tuba, because there are no sequins here; on Michey Rourke, I would probably applaud, because it’s a huge upgrade. You get the idea. Cate looks graceful, relaxed, and radiant, not to mention she bested many others — like her countrywoman Melissa George — by resisting the urge to wear a searing crimson lipstick to match. Lovely.
But. BUT. The shoes. It falls apart for me with the shoes. They are not only a different red, but they are officially too MUCH red. I feel a bit like I’m in a bad movie, where I’m driving along celebrating the glories of pretty things and then all of a sudden it appears road stops and I have to hit the brakes or else I will plunge into a rocky abyss, and I skid to a halt with one tire spinning off the road and my car wobbling precariously on the edge of the cliff. So, while I collect myself and vomit into the glove compartment at my near-death experience, you make the call.
So help me out here: