14 photos in galleryIt had to happen eventually. There’s only so many times Christina could keep it sedate before her sanity got a pimple. Also: Cee Lo wears atomic gnashers. No, really.
Fugger: Christina Aguilera
Fug the Show: The Voice, nearing the home stretch
May 3, 2012 AT 9:00 am
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28Fug file: Fug The Show, Photos, Hot Right Now, The Voice, Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green
Fug the Show: The Voice, episode something
11 photos in galleryThere is just something really poetic about a man in a hat with chains on it relentlessly cuddling his cat. I keep expecting one of these interviews ending in the cat offering an opinion, possibly in Liza Minnelli’s voice. Just because. Also: bonus Bieber (if such a thing is considered a bonus) and Christina in a spandex diaper.
Fug file: Fug The Show, Photos, The Voice, Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green
Fug The Show: The Voice, blind auditions #2
5 photos in galleryWell, apparently in addition to Idol, I’m going to have to watch The Voice now. But this is where I draw the line. Do your worst this summer on America’s Got Talent, Howard Stern. Feathered underpants? Nipple shields made of Duracell? LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.
Fug file: Fug The Show, Photos, The Voice, Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green
Hilariously Played: Xtina
Okay, okay. So you guys kept TELLING ME I had to watch The Voice, so I could see what the hell Xtina was doing to herself. (Also, because it’s entertaining.) And I was all, “yeah, yeah. How much crazier could she look? Do you REMEMBER the Firecrotch Jumpsuit?”
And then I turned it on, and this slapped me in the face like an angry Joan Collins on a third season episode of Dynasty:
This is what would happen if cotton candy had a baby with Gary Oldman in Dracula.
Fug file: Fugs, bad hair, Christina Aguilera
NBC Upfugs-and-fabs
Ah, upfronts, the time of year when we say things like, “Man, NBC must regret that talent deal with Jimmy Smits, because it’s NOT HAPPENING,” and, “One Tree Hill lives AGAIN?” and “A musical starring Debra Messing? REALLY?” So really, it’s a very capsy week. Jessica and I were saying how thrilled we are that Debra “Hot Mess” Messing will be out and about now that Smash is a go, and yet, she was neither the hottest nor the messiest at the upfronts party. That honor may go to either Christina Aguilera or Katharine McPhee. Sigh. Singers, man. They always deliver.
@VladaGelman How is Top of the Rock? - J
Fug the Finale: The Voice
The weird subplot of this whole season was Christina Aguilera Refuses To Give Whole-Hearted Props To The Contestant Who Was On Mickey Mouse Club With Her. She would say things like, “You have a great voice… I mean, you’re kind of one-note, but, you know, it was a nice job.” I can’t figure out why. She didn’t initially remember him, and she’s a megastar, so hasn’t she sort of won that one? But she did admit on-air — when she finally decided she did recall his existence, and went backstage to give him a moderately sincere hug — that he had a crush on Britney. So maybe she’s playing out some adolescent hormonal drama.
Anyway, this all culminated with him performing a very cool cover of Jay Z’s “99 Problems” — which goes on to say, “but a bitch ain’t one,” though he only mouthed that word — and Christina got very huffy and offended about how she thought it was a strangely inappropriate message considering his wife and daughter were in the house (and whether you agree or not, I’d like to point out that this is coming from a woman who had a hit song called “Dirrty”), at which point Adam Levine apparently couldn’t stand her dismissiveness anymore and stood up and shouted, “It’s called a METAPHOR, CHRISTINA,” and everyone clapped. Except here’s the thing: It’s NOT called a metaphor. It’s called being slangy. I am pretty sure there is nothing metaphorical about that line in that song. I mean, maybe? I’m not Jay Z. But it seems pretty plain to me. It is what it is. Just own it, Adam. Sheesh. Then, even BETTER, Shannen Doherty hopped on Twitter right after and was all, “You guys, that song was NEVER about a woman, it’s ABOUT A DOG,” and she apparently meant it, except SHE was confusing it with Guns ‘n’ Roses’ “I Used To Love Her (But I Had To Kill Her), so basically, nobody knew what the hell anyone was talking about*** and it was kind of magical.
And then Christina didn’t wear pants. So in all, an eventful finale.
*** Well. Apparently Jay Z did claim the song was about a K-9 unit, so while still not technically a metaphor, as a commenter pointed out, it is also not a literal slam on a lady. The important takeaway here: Shannen Doherty is the boss of us all.
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