Fugger: Halle Berry

Halle Berry: A Fugstory


You know who’s been conspicuously absent from the press events for New Year’s Eve, despite being in both the previews and the poster? Ms. Halle Berry. I can’t answer the question of where she’s been, or what she’s doing when she’s busy getting herself uninvited from whatever other Garry Marshall hodge-podge is next — Hump Day, maybe — but perhaps that  last thing in and of itself IS the answer. Instead, let’s look at where she’s been and what she’s been doing in the last, oh, 12 or 13 years. There are some BAD SHOES, y’all. Or at least boring ones. Join me.

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Monster’s Fug


I really would have thought that, of all the incredibly beautiful women over 40 in Hollywood, Halle Berry would be aging the most gracefully:

And she IS aging gracefully in terms of looking unbearably fantastic and youthful and she hasn’t done anything wacked out to her face — thank you, God — but man. Her body can carry this, but I sort of feel like there comes a point in a woman’s life where the bare midriff cocktail dress just isn’t appropriate anymore.  It was also, notably, less flashy on the runway, which makes me think she looked at it and thought, “Huh. I need to make this more naked.” Which simply isn’t true: Of all the women in the world, Halle Berry don’t need to resort to More Nakedness. She’s dreamy, and talented, and, most importantly, she doesn’t need to try so hard.

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Fug Madness 2011, Round One: Cher Bracket, Part II


Just a reminder: if the polls appear all wonky to you — if they say they’re closed, or they seem to think you’ve already voted, this is some weird-ass bug in WordPress and it SHOULD be fixed today. However! If it ISN’T, what seems to fix it — for reasons we can not figure out — is if you pop into the comments and comment. That seems to reboot things some of the time? It’s a mystery. ANYWAY. If you are in dire straits, try it. (And of course, we welcome and want your comments anyway!)

TO THE BRACKETS!

(6) FABIOLA BERACASA vs. (11) ALEXA CHUNG

It is really hard to know what to say about Fabiola, socialite (or ex-socialite, because socialites might be so over that they don’t even really exist anymore) and lady-about-town, except that these pants and their lovely holster give her the abdomen of a 70-year old man playing cribbage in a nursing home.

Contrast that with British “It” Girl, and American “What?” Girl, Alexa Chung. If Fabiola is a geriatric card player, then Alexa is the crackling old dame who gets all the Gin Rummy dates, hasn’t paid for a Jell-O in the cafeteria in five years, and probably handles all the contraband:

You probably would want to know her

But that’s not all. She also apparently needs to be able to hang herself from her thighs before running off to the Ren Faire

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Fug or Fab: Halle Berry


Is it weird that I don’t hate this?

Halle Berry

I mean, yes, it’s essentially a very elaborate navel frame. But then again, it’s not transparent, and/or glue-gunned to a first-grade ballet class’s tutu trunk. So it’s tempting to call this a win. Then again, it’s also tempting to crawl into a Cadbury’s Creme Egg every hour on the hour, but that doesn’t mean I should do it.

Lay it on her:

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[Photos: WENN.com]

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Oscars Fug or Fab Carpet: Halle Berry


It’s interesting the way my feelings about a dress will morph from the moment I first see them, to the time when I actually get around to writing about them here. I mean, it is interesting for me. YOU probably don’t really care so much. I don’t blame you.

I DID NOT like this when I first saw it. But now that I’ve lived with it a bit, I’m willing to admit that I don’t dislike it from the waist up. (It’s hard to turn down something designed to make you look at that face, for one thing.) And if it were the same on the bottom as it is on the top — if it were tulle-less — I would probably be giving this the thumbs up. But the bottom looks so haphazard, y’all!

SERIOUSLY

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Fug’s Ball


I swear to God, I NEVER thought I’d ever say this, but between this, and what she wore to the Globes….

…I’m beginning to think Halle Berry’s feeling a little desperate. To which I say: HONEY. Listen. I know you’re going through a really AWKWARD break-up (all of a sudden), but NO ONE in the entire world is thinking, “Geez, Halle Berry seems to have relationship problems, doesn’t she? That makes me wonder if she’s STILL HOT.” WE KNOW YOU’RE STILL HOT. You don’t need to try this hard. You can just try REGULAR hard, like everyone else.

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