42 photos in galleryYou know who’s been conspicuously absent from the press events for New Year’s Eve, despite being in both the previews and the poster? Ms. Halle Berry. I can’t answer the question of where she’s been, or what she’s doing when she’s busy getting herself uninvited from whatever other Garry Marshall hodge-podge is next — Hump Day, maybe — but perhaps that last thing in and of itself IS the answer. Instead, let’s look at where she’s been and what she’s been doing in the last, oh, 12 or 13 years. There are some BAD SHOES, y’all. Or at least boring ones. Join me.
Fugger: Halle Berry
Monster’s Fug
I really would have thought that, of all the incredibly beautiful women over 40 in Hollywood, Halle Berry would be aging the most gracefully:
And she IS aging gracefully in terms of looking unbearably fantastic and youthful and she hasn’t done anything wacked out to her face — thank you, God — but man. Her body can carry this, but I sort of feel like there comes a point in a woman’s life where the bare midriff cocktail dress just isn’t appropriate anymore. It was also, notably, less flashy on the runway, which makes me think she looked at it and thought, “Huh. I need to make this more naked.” Which simply isn’t true: Of all the women in the world, Halle Berry don’t need to resort to More Nakedness. She’s dreamy, and talented, and, most importantly, she doesn’t need to try so hard.
Fug file: Fugs, basic (or unbasic) black, Halle Berry
Fug or Fab: Halle Berry
Is it weird that I don’t hate this?
I mean, yes, it’s essentially a very elaborate navel frame. But then again, it’s not transparent, and/or glue-gunned to a first-grade ballet class’s tutu trunk. So it’s tempting to call this a win. Then again, it’s also tempting to crawl into a Cadbury’s Creme Egg every hour on the hour, but that doesn’t mean I should do it.
Loading ...[Photos: WENN.com]
Fug file: Fug or Fab, Halle Berry
@grubreport @thebestjasmine I always felt like they ruined Dean specifically in service of Jess, which is lazy writing for your love tri -H
Halle Fugly
I think my favorite celebrity rumor right now is that Halle Berry is jealous because her stylist is spending more time with Sandra Bullock. First, because it’s led to a lot of really dumb “anonymous” quotes like, “Halle and Sandra adore each other,” because the only photo Getty Images has of them even standing near each other is this one from the 2011 Oscars and it is hilarious. I’m sure they DO get along. However I am also sure they don’t think about each other very often. BUT, and this is my second reason for loving this rumor, I cherish the idea of Halle flying into a rage and putting her Blind Side DVD into the microwave and then angrily watching While You Were Sleeping on HBO before having to admit it’s secretly kind of great and going on a brief detour about how times and faces may change but Peter Gallagher’s eyebrows are forever, and then trying to write a Speed fanfic in which Sandy’s character gets decapitated by a flying tire. Now THAT is a rumor.
However:
I suppose it is possible that Halle’s stylist is not paying that much attention to her, and perhaps that’s because 85 percent of what she wears looks like it came from a lingerie store. I mean, she’s Halle Berry, so it’s rarely (if ever) that she looks bad in things, so much as the things do not live up to the genetic material being poured into them. And this just… it’s there. It looks like it should be in the closet of one of the Bravo housewives. I’m not inspired. However, I do want to give her props for sticking with the signature hair. It just WORKS on her — she never looks like herself when she grows it out, and I love that she’s representing a different kind of beauty than the sleekly artificial hair extensions practically everyone else in town keeps flinging around. Now if only her stylist would bring Sandy around for tea and a shopping spree, maybe EVERYONE could win.
[Photo: Pacific Coast News]
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