Fugger: Jennifer Love Hewitt

Fug or Fab the Tights: J.Lo.Hew

Dec 8, 2011 By Heather AT 12:00 pm

The dress, here, is kind of beside the point — it would probably be fine, were it not for her bra’s extreme enthusiasm in the face of flashbulbs.

It’s the tights I want to discuss. Kate Middleton’s shiny opaque leg dressings made the world wonder if nude hose would come back in, and I have to say, my personal vote is that I sincerely hope not. They give JLH’s legs a disturbingly Miss Piggy-esque sheen. Muppets are great, and all, but I don’t want to look like one.

What say you?

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[Photo: Splash News]

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Fug the Rut: Jennifer Love Hewitt

Nov 4, 2011 By Heather AT 10:00 am

Another day, another bandage dress.

The thing is, I don’t have a problem with bandage dresses. The Herve Leger brand fashion shows are often kind of fun, because it’s interesting to see the different ways the concept is interpreted. But Jennifer Love Hewitt rarely does anything but wear a very basic-cut monochrome or two-tone bandage dress. To everything. She has not met a bandage dress she did not Kind Touch into red carpet infamy. It’s an addiction. She’s a Legeraholic. We rarely feature her anymore because what is there to say? Brand loyalty is lovely and all, but hell, even Renee Zellweger occasionally picks Carolina Herreras that are different-looking (or, gasp, wears another designer altogether).

Can you fix her? And I don’t mean changing the hem or the color. What would you like to see her in? Whose style should she use as a template to branch out from her high-fashion mummification? What designer should be her new go-to? Do J.Lo.Hew a solid here. She needs you, Fug Nation. Because right now her personal client list only has one name on it. HA HA. Get it? See what I did there?  Client List? Oh, man, why do I always turn into (more of) a hack on Fridays? Is it even Friday? I think this is all because I made it through almost all of Wednesday thinking it was Thursday, and once the eggs were scrambled, there was no getting ‘em back into the shell. And sadly no hash browns.

[Photo: Getty]

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The Fugent List

Aug 24, 2011 By Heather AT 11:00 am

So, we’ve all heard by now — it was the giggle heard ’round the world — that J.Lo.Hew’s masterpiece of Kind Touchery, The Client List, is being made into a TV series. I have questions. How exactly is that going to work? Because in the movie (and I’m sure even if you haven’t seen it, this is not so much a spoiler as a mild WTF moment), it has a rosy ending wherein she gives up all the names of her clients in exchange for a reduced prison term for hooking, and then all the neighborhood wives ask her to give them sex tips through the use of fruit. BULL TRUE. So what is the series? Pretending none of that happened, and she’s still hooking? Pretending all of that DID happen, and the whole show is her giving booty seminars to harried housewives? Or pretending that all of that did happen and yet she still goes BACK to hooking, because the economy still blows harder than she does and also she actually totally liked it, and now there is demand that must be met with supply? What, is she an economist now? A Kind-Touching capitalist prostisseuse?

And is this the phase where she starts going Method? Because nothing screams “My touch is kind” like an animal-print genie jumpsuit. Or at least, I assume that’s what it is screaming. To be honest, and I am proud of this, I don’t speak Animal-Print Genie Jumpsuit all that fluently — just maybe some conversational slang at best.

[Photo: Pacific Coast News]

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The Client Fug

Aug 19, 2011 By Heather AT 12:00 pm

If only she Kind Touched her shirt as thoroughly as she did her client list.

[Photo: Pacific Coast News]

 

 

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The Client Fugist

Aug 16, 2011 By Jessica AT 10:00 am

It’s funny how it only takes a well-deployed set of jaunty “You, you, I know you! (Probably because I called TMZ to let them know I was jewelry shopping, but…DETAILS!)” finger guns to make me overlook a weird-ass sheer-skirted maxi dress, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t work. I do love a jaunty finger gun.

[Photo: Splash]

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Fug or Fab: Jennifer Love Hewitt

Aug 11, 2011 By Jessica AT 11:00 am

By now, we have all heard the glorious news that Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Emmy Award Nominated Magnum Opus of Prostitution and Judgement, The Client List, is going to be a series on Lifetime. This is, quite obviously, the best thing that has ever happened. Nothing says “Television For Women” like a work-place dramedy (in which, in fairness, the -edy part might be on accident) about prostitution.

Although we’re all sad that this means she won’t be the next Bachelorette — an idea floated by one of you geniuses on Twitter, and one that I LONG TO SEE IN PRACTICE — you can’t ever say the girl doesn’t work hard.

But would you say she's working it? And by "it," we mean this dress.

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