I don’t know about you….
…but I liked this better when it was the sofa in my grandma’s rec room.
Fugger: Jessica Szohr
Vanessa From Fuglyn
So, have you heard Jessica Szhor’s SoBe ads?
I think we’ve talked about them in this space before, but if not, she opens her radio spots by noting that we may know her as “Vanessa from Brooklyn.” NEVER are the words “Gossip Girl” used, which (a) makes me think SOMEONE didn’t get a thumbs up from the network before signing this contract, and (b) makes me laugh every time, because you know someone is hearing this ad in the car and thinking, “who the EFF is Vanessa from Brooklyn? I don’t know any Vanessas at all.”
Of course, here she looks like Vanessa From That Vacation Where Her Luggage Got Lost And She Had to Shop Solely At the Hotel’s Cheesy-Yet-Incredibly-Expensive Gift Shop And It Was Either This Or a Hotel-Branded Polo. Someone bring that girl a nice mai tai by the pool.
Fug file: Fugs, Jessica Szohr
Us Weekly’s Hot Fuglywood Party
14 photos in gallerySo apparently, as the world girded its loins for — and then eventually spent five hours or so watching — the royal wedding, it seems life did not screech to a halt for everyone. In fact, Us Weekly threw a party. I know, I know, it feels like every week they throw some kind of You Are Young (By Which We Mean 12 to 56 Years Old) So Put On Some Party Pants And Get Funky shindig. And maybe that’s why we missed this one entirely. Like, COMPLETELY missed it. What were we doing? Oh, wait: Making slideshows about Princes William and Harry. And then covering the Met Ball. But still. I stumbled on the pictures totally by accident on Thursday night and thought maybe I had been taking crazy pills. Far be it from me to DENY you these, though, especially with such luminaries as Jessica Simpson and Hayden Pantywaist and Jessica Szohr involved. On the latter front, can I just applaud La Szohr for her ingenuity? Every time I think that her hair could not possibly get any worse, she goes and proves me wrong. That takes thought.
Met Ball Fug Carpet: Jessica Szhor
This dress is, I think, actually totally cute, even if the bottom of it looks a little bit like what would happen if you mixed Astro-turf with Brillo-pads, and therefore I know that if I were there I would be unable to to resist wandering up to Jessica Szhor with vague excuses as to why I needed to pat her hips, just because it’s so fascinatingly tactile. Like, “Oh, Jessica, I think you sat in some lint,” or “Oh, don’t mind me, I think the sparkles in your dress are magnetically attracted to my bracelet. Oooh, your skirt feels weird!” or “Do you mind if I just scrub out the inside of this pot with your hem? Won’t be a sec!”
But here’s the other thing: When I saw this picture in thumbnail form, I thought Vanessa From Brooklyn here was BAI LING, and our girl Bai has literally twenty years on Jessica Szhor. I think the takeaway from that — for us all, truly — is: be careful what you do with your bangs, and never match your cracked out clodhopper shoes exactly to your outfit. MAKE A NOTE, FUG NATION.
Fug file: Awards & Galas, basic (or unbasic) black, beading, Met Ball, Jessica Szohr
@catherinegelera I hate you for that - J
Fugsica Szohr
Well, props to Szohr for at least trying to shill the product.
Unfortunately, thanks to Jessica’s outfit, this product forever may be known as Arm-Bag Coffee. Which is weird, because I always heard it was Red Bull that gives you wings.
At least this event did yield a good worlds-colliding photo op, though:
If only they were at the Peach Pit
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