The fugpidemic continues apace:
Kid, I SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE AIR BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS BEFORE THEY BECOME YOUR KNEES.
There are a couple things you need to know about this picture from Justin Bieber’s Instagram:
1. He did actually wear this mask outside.
2. He posted it it by saying it he was wearing “Channel,” not “Chanel,” which is so beyond cramazing that my funny bone actually just snapped.
3. Did I mention he wore this outside? Lots of questions about about THAT.
4. I feel like, if Top Model were airing in the fall as normal and not in the summer, we would’ve ended up with a photoshoot based entirely on girls (and guys, I guess, now) modeling through balaclavas.
5. I was going to call him a numbskull and then I realized that if he’s feeling chilly enough to wear this then maybe he does actually have a numb skull.
6. With this he has basically gone beyond asking Fug Madness 2014 out on a date, instead skipping straight to feeling it up clumsily in the car.
He’s just messing with us. He HAS to be messing with us. Right?
Otherwise, I’m concerned those pants mean he never grew out of messing his diaper.
So I guess… there was a plot afoot recently to castrate and murder Justin Bieber, which the authorities foiled.
And I don’t mean to make light of it, because I have to imagine it’s scary to wake up one day and have a cop call you and say, “Son, some lady wants to cut off your junk.” But… maybe that’s why he’s been wearing sack pants? If you don’t know where it IS, then it’ll be harder to HURT IT.
… Nope, still no excuse.
New theory: All of North America massively overreacted to Justin Bieber, and now everybody is too proud to admit that THIS IS ABSURD, AND OH MY GOD.
Jessica is going to be very upset that her alma mater got dragged into this. The crotch fits, but dear god, somebody please save the animals on his groin. I mean, has anyone in the world who has tried SO HARD actually had LESS natural swagger than this kid? I’m curious to know who or what he would be if he weren’t so busy trying to be LL Cool J.