I celebrate you, Kelly.
I celebrate you, Kelly.
First of all, obviously, MANY congrats to Kelly Clarkson on her recent engagement because I am sure she cares how we feel. But also, how we feel is that we love her and we think she is swell, and ergo we want the best for her. And considering the crazy shit she used to wear — I mean, LOOK AT THIS – this is fantastigreat.
I was going to fug this. And then I was going to give it a Well Played. I was swinging like a tire roped to a tree in some warmly lit Cialis commercial.
In the pro column, as someone said to us on Twitter, it does have an aura of a royal decoration. Our Tweeter likened it to a Tudor tapestry; I would’ve gone for wallpaper or a chair covering somewhere in Windsor Castle. It’s sumptuous. But then we get to the cons: What is happening with her left boob? Does the high waist on the skirt seem constricting to anyone else? Is the whole thing royal in the way where you suspect this is the wrapping paper the Queen has used on everyone’s birthday gifts since 1968?
So, this is progress, right?
Our beloved K. Cla has said lots of times that she doesn’t work with a stylist, and lots of times, lots of people who LOVE HER and voted for her on Idol like a thousand times even though that was so long ago that you had to actually MAKE A PHONE CALL to do it, read that and sighed and said to themselves, “honey, you NEED one.” I suspect she may have taken our advice for this particular event, or the friend she took shopping with her is skilled, because…she looks totally cute, right? This silhouette is very flattering on her. I wish her hair looked a bit more rock star, rather than prom queen, but this is sort of fun and flirty on her and OH MY GOD I’M JUST REALLY RELIEVED IT’S NOT HORRIBLE. Phew. Okay. I just had to let that out. I love Kelly and I want the best for her so every time she leaves the house and I don’t have to say to myself, “Oh, KELLY, what are you WEARING?” it’s a load off my mind. Now I just have to worry about the quasi-unfortunate scarf-y tube top and too-long jeans she wore to perform in (a photo I could not obtain legally, unfortunately, though you can see it here), the fact that I worry that her voice has sounded sort of raspy-er than usual lately (albeit still good) and WHAT IF SOMETHING IS WRONG I HOPE SHE’S JUST TIRED, and, also, what I myself plan to wear when I see her in concert this summer. I’m thinking tube tops for everyone!
Kelly Clarkson, you KNOW how much I love you. A LOT.
So you know I am saying this as your friend — your friend who has never met you, but feels great fondness for you and always wants you to be happy and successful in whatever you do: GIRL WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR PANTS? YOU HAVE LOTS OF MONEY. I KNOW YOU DON’T WANT A STYLIST BUT YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE A TAILOR. Mine is lovely. I would be happy to recommend his services. He’ll fix those pants for you for $15. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I’M SCARED YOU’RE GOING TO TRIP ON YOUR HEM AND FACEPLANT AND THEN WHERE WILL WE ALL BE?
Ahem. Sorry about the shouting. But…for serious, Kelly. I JUST DON’T WANT YOU TO FACEPLANT. I CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.