Man. One inauspicious bump into Josh Duhamel’s lit cigarette, and Malin Akerman would’ve been starring in Crotch of Ages. HAHAHAHAHA. Oh my God. It’s too early in the week for me to be this embarrassing — if this is Monday, then by Friday I’ll have sunk to writing only filthy limericks and/or strange sounds spelled out in bizarre strings of consonants.
[Photos: Getty, WENN]
This started out fairly dishy.
Then it turned into a series of weird optical illusions: I keep thinking it’s a jumpsuit, possibly because of the awkward length; then, I realize it’s possible the length only looks awkward because of the shoes she chose, and THEN I get completely transfixed by THAT oddball effect. Because the nude upper looks like she’s in bare feet resting on black platforms, I get distracted trying to figure out why her toes are glued together, before remembering they’re INSIDE a shoe, and… y’all, I should not have to work this hard. It’s fashion. But it feels like physics homework.
[Photo: Getty]
Listen, you have to hand it to Malin:
She has taken that back harness and she has WORKED IT.
Loading ...Ms. Akerman has a checkered fug history — really, really cute, sunny girl, with a great figure, but often strange ways of showing off both those things. Points for trying, but then again, the Washington Generals get points for trying, too, and that hasn’t yielded a very impressive win-loss record. Not that I’m saying Malin Akerman is the red carpet’s answer to the Washington Generals. That feels like Jessica Chastain, to me, right now (so close, but not quite enough, despite one or two surprise and exciting victories). Anyway, let’s cut the basketball digressions and weird-ass analogies and just get to the outfits. It’s Oscar week soon. Let’s save our strength.
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This dress may be the opposite of Julia Ormond’s sad toga.
It’s unusual, it’s sexy, it’s cute, and Malin looks lovely in it, as opposed to like she’s just finished scrubbing the Parthenon. Okay, so it wouldn’t seem all that out of place on the tennis court in this Williams Sisters world, but whatever — tennis, as a style choice, is a lot better than Omega Phi’s cleaning lady.
[Photo: Getty]
@lizgillroy !!!!!!
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Fugs and Fabs: The InStyle Summer Soiree
Based on the weather here, it should have been called the InStyle Surface of the Sun Soiree. Still, people managed to look fresh and unsticky, which is always an achievement. But were the efforts of their anti-perspirant sprays in service of good or evil? Observe.
[Photos: Getty]
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