Ah, yes, just another mildly breezy Los Angeles day in May, the perfect opportunity to wear this.
Now, I’m sure you’re thinking, “Oh, Heather, why on Earth is she wearing a heavy sweater at this time of year in California? Does that not seem FISHY to you?” Well, sweet reader, that’s because it’s not just a sweater.
It’s a sweater-PONCHO. Which means it’s practically a dress! You’ve done it again, Jessica Simpson, billionaire fashion mogul!* Bare legs and sweaty necks for all!
* True. No, seriously. THIS IS TRUE. Be on the lookout for insect plagues.
[Photo: Flynet]
Comments (91):
Sweet Jesus
Sort of worth noting that her hair looks amaaaaaaaaaaaazing.
Oh, NO!
Please PLEASE tell me she’s wearing shorts under that.
oh my lord.
I hope she has something on under that or she has the presence of mind to stay slightly hunched over. I’d hate to see her get arrested for indecent exposure, but that’s the course she’s on right now.
She could have used that ‘Am I wearing pants? Flowchart’!!
The website where I first saw this picture mentioned that she was wearing denim short-shorts under this; how they figured that out I’ll never know. But when I read that I thought “Oh, well, in that case at least she realizes that something’s necessary under it. And I love the color. And it looks really comfy. So I’d get behind it if she were curled up by the fire in jeans in the winter, maybe?”
apparently the sweater-poncho has been around for years!
http://stylenews.peoplestylewatch.com/2006/10/23/whats-in-your-c/
JESSICA!!! DOES YOUR FATHER KNOW YOU WALK AROUND LIKE THIS?!!???
Oh, he probably dressed her.
I’ve been waiting for this one to pop up. Holy HELL, JSimp!
To be fair, it WAS chilly here in LA yesterday. WHICH MEANS YOU NEED TO WEAR PANTS OMG OMG.
WTF?
I love that her mouth is hanging open in these pictures too. She must be a mouth breather.
On the plus side, her hair is stupendous.
“Be on the lookout for insect plagues.” is, unfortunately, an accurate prediction: http://goo.gl/CBo2C. The cicadas. They’re coming. To eat your pants.
Her hair really does look amazing. And there is the teensiest sign of something between her left thigh and poncho sleeve that might just barely kind of sort of almost hint at what you can only presume are her signature Daisy Dukes. Right? Maybe? Which begs a whole different question: if it’s Daisy Dukes weather, can it actually also be ribbed turtleneck poncho weather? Can it?! Well, J. Simp?!
Out loud, I literally just said, “Ohhhhh,” and covered my eyes for a second. JSimp! What on earth made you think that leaving the house in just THAT with those shoes was a wise-choice? Especially since you’re a very oft-photographed celebrity? Gosh, it hurts my eyes.
Oh, gawd.
Regarding the awesome hair coments, I hear Jessica Simpson also encourages the “no-poo” lifestyle. There might be something there…
I was thinking about how glorious her hair is and how it looks like she actually grew it herself instead of buying it when I clicked and saw the second pic. I nearly choked on the potato chips I’m eating. Everything from the neck down is a hot mess.
I’m concerned that her right pinkie toe has decided it’s all too much and is contemplating jumping…
It’s my understanding that the outfit was worn DURING a photo shoot. Give the girl a break.
@Taylor, you’re right. Her hair is ridiculous. Very, very pretty. Cracked out wardrobe aside, does anyone else suspect that Ken Paves was holding her back? Or perhaps deliberately sabotaging her?
I have another question. You think she’s doing this on purpose? Honestly, that photo was all OVER the internet yesterday and would anyone be taking her picture at all if she didn’t look so damn crazy all the time? Just sayin…
Is it bad that I barely glanced over the missing pants and gasped at the fugly shoes? Those are blue suede platforms I’m seeing, right?
Yeah, the hair is awesome … though I’d specify “on its own” or “on someone else.” She’s not tall and she has such a petite little face: all that hair is just overwhelming. Besides, the length (voluminous, at that) accentuates the part of her figure that needs no help at all.
She looks great in green. Yay for wearing colors that are flattering to your individual coloring instead of wasting money on an unflattering flavor of the month. That said, a turtle-neck poncho? REALLY? Please let this not catch on.
No-poo lifestyle? You mean the one where you don’t wash your hair for weeks on end? The one that really needs to come up with a better name for itself?
While I agree her hair looks tremendous here, I simply don’t understand how not washing your hair can EVER lead to good things. My hair does not look like that after going unwashed for a week. My hair looks like Beetlejuice.
If you look on her left side (which would be our right as we sit in judgment at our computers), you can see a peek of white under the sweater. She probably has on extremely short shorts. Her hair looks amazing! Love you Jessica and Heather!!!
Has to be her fiance’s sweater. Like in high school when you wore your boyfriend’s football jersey. Do girls still do that?
If she had on some tight faded jeans with holes in the knees (real holes, that is) and boots and was in Colorado, she would look relatively hot. But she should be on the lookout for a crazy person who wants to scalp her for that hair.
Oy.
Pants, what???
I literally just gasped out loud when I clicked through. Lord have mercy, what is she thinking??
I hate myself for it, but I adore her shoe line. Amazingly cute shoes. I guess the design team never meddles in her personal fashion life?
JESSICA ANN SIMPSON!
WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS!!!
She is really, really trying to wrassle her White Trash Queen crown back from Britney.
I literally just audibly, and involuntarily gasped, “JESUSCHRISTINHEAVEN”
P. S. Sweaters + shorts = NO
OH SWEET JESUS HONEY NO.
But…her hair is glorious. Why can’t MY hair be that glorious. Life is so unfair.
the first thing that sprung to mind was “My God she looks like some sort of waterfowl” which is clearly not the look she was going for.
Who honestly wears a sweater with Wing-Sleeves? Also, PANTS JESSICA, PANTS. They are important, despite what TMomz says.
But her hair is good. Isn’t it?
The dresscho is ridiculous, but I agree that she has nice hair. She also has very nice, shapely legs, a pleasant break in the parade of fragile celebrity toothpick stems.
No, America, it’s not just a sweater, it’s JUST a sweater. But, yeah, the hair is awesome.
Rayna FTW: Pants what?
I was so afraid that it would be BACKLESS that I’m really just glad I was wrong . Although Holy Mother of Gwyneth, those random blue clodhoppers…why, lawd, why?
*pearlclutch*
Love the hair. I love those shoes. What can I say? I must be broken.
Ponchess? Look out Fug Madness, JSimp is bringin it.
The ponchess pilot.
freaky fug friday, anyone? I suggest a rap lyric contest. Don’t be rockin’ that dresscho, yo, it’s a no-no, Jsimp’s fashion limps, oh she a sweaty necked ho…
The sad thing is I believe it might have looked cute if she was wearing it with jeans
I always feel so sorry for jessica. Somebody needs to invent a line of garanimals for her. You know the ones where you just need to match a tiger top to a tiger bottom. Maybe use lables that also reference the seasons—In this case she wouldnt have worn the fall maple leaf with the hay seed bottom and night blooming jasmin shoes.
That someone willing put this outfit together, somewhere in the world, really took the shine off my day
Does this woman EVER look in the mirror before she walks out the door … and what about those shoes?
I saw other pictures of her in this, and it looks like she is casually pulling up one side of her sweater to show us that she is indeed wearing shorts…ridiculously short denim ones. I just don’t know what this poor girl is thinking when she leaves the house….
http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/pictures/20110509/Jessica%20Simpson%20Green%20Sweater/jessica-simpson-sweater-2.html
thank you to M for the perspective (the Poncho is pretty cute with pants!), I saw this yesterday and thought it was a sweater dress….
What, no notation of the open mouth?
Oh dear sweet heaven. How is this girl a fashion mogel? i mean, really?!
Also, if she has to pull up the sweater to show the paps around her that she is indeed wearing some Daisy Dukes, would that NOT clue you in to the fact that the outfit is indeed WRONG?
Melissa, I’m in Nashville and the cicadas are here. Woke up this morning to find 20+ cicada skins on my galoshes on the porch, and several other (red-eyed!) live ones flitting about. STILL LESS HORRIFYING THAN TURTLENECK PONCHO MINIDRESS, though.
Ha! My husband saw this and was like “What the heck?”
For even a man knows this look is not ok…for anyone.
Poor J. Simp! Does no one tell her she looks like an idiot?!
HA! I saw this on people.com yesterday and my first thought was that you guys would pull it. Points for consistency. I’ve never seen pantslessness quite like this, I confess. Usually it’s intentional–a really short skirt, say, or Lady Gaga. This literally looks like she forgot her pants. Instead of being appalled, I’m just embarrassed for her…
OH, DEAR LORD! WTF is wong with this woman? She’s seriously fucking with our minds! The green sweater poncho sans pants is bad enough, but what the hell are those blue things on her feet? Feet cages? Her toes are trying to escape!
This woman makes me nuts. She’s very pretty, and has enviable hair. Wouldn’t she look great in a full-skirted dress that hits at the knee and nips in at the waist? It would highlight all of her best assets, like her hourglass shape and shapely legs. Instead, she dresses in things that fight with her shape and often look too tight (not this ponchosweater, obvs).
I have long blonde hair. WHY DOES IT NEVER LOOK LIKE THAT? Why?!
I used to wear a sweater poncho with shorts! I was 5 years old and it was the 70s…but I did wear that and I (unfortunately) have photos to prove it. I loved that sweater poncho and wore it for 3 years…starting from when it was too big until it was far too small.
She does not have the kind of legs that need to be displayed in this manner.
Really, you like the hair? I think it is awful. It looks cheap and fake. She really needs to make up with Ken Paves. She hasn’t looked good since he left. As for the sweater/shorts (god, I hope) combo…I have given up. The sweater is not flattering. It makes her look twice her size. And her short stocky legs look ridiculous trying to balance on top of those stupid platforms that she always wears. Is a nice fitted dress and a cute pair of flats really too much to ask?
This picture reminds me of the nightmare where I look down and realize that I somehow left the house without wearing any pants.
I’ve seen her in this sweater before, and while I like the color, the huge arms baffle me. Those shoes are a crime against feet. And, JSimp – LOOK IN TO PANTS! OMG!!
Is it me or does her expression in the first photo sort of say, “Hmm…I feel like I’ve forgotten something…what the hell did I forget?” And then in the second photo she’s reaching down and touching her bare leg and is all like, “Son of a bitch. Pants! I cannot believe I forgot pants. AGAIN.”
Also, I sort of like the shoes, but I also sort of think they look like what you would get if you made shoes from the hide of Cookie Monster. And now I want a cookie.
I can’t remember the last time I saw an outfit that actually, really, truly, made me laugh out loud. Oh, Jessica. Why do you do this to yourself?
I do understand the need to wear something baggy, speaking as a similarly large boobed girl. Sometimes you just want to be comfy, even if you do look mental to everyone else.
There are no words . . .
I was in dillard’s the other the day and some that some of the clothes in her line are actually pretty cute. If only she’d wear them…
On the upside, her face and hair look pretty. And I really hate fake blond hair!
Make sex amazing ..forbid it.
Unflattering sweater.
Unflattering camera angle.
Unflattering shoes.
Unflattering facial expression.
Sigh.
Oh, ok. She had something on under this. I was thinking one strong Santa Anna wind and the mystery would be over. What is she thinking????
Her hair and make-up look so great! And then scroll-down … to the horror of pantslessness. She’s so pretty — why does she fight it with Too Much? Too much make-up. Too much skin. Too much tight. Whatever it is, she just can’t seem to hit Just Right. (Oh, and I think Ken Paves is a horrible hair stylist.)
Why oh why does this girl, who has so many attractive features, always walk around looking like a fireplug with hair? Her every fashion choice seems designed to make her look stumpy, frumpy or lumpy.
Oh dear. I was thinking how GREAT her hair looks and it still looks good with the open mouth we so hate. And I’m all for a poncho but not with no pants and hidgeous clumparama platforms. Ugh!
I also think her hair looks awesome… but I don’t think the sweater is actually a poncho. I think it’s just so baggy that the arms start to look like they’re molding into the rest of the sweater. Here’s a shot of her wearing the same sweater in a different color giving a high five to John Mayer with sleeves… http://www.famousfashions.com/Theory-Juliet-Sweater-p/the730.htm
It just kills me how anyone who does seem to actually have a hand in her designs, can dress so heinously! AArgh!
I somehow read the tagline as, “Jessica Simpson, fashion mongrel.” I’ll just let that one speak for itself.
But we can concede she has great legs. I’ll just assume she had to run from a burning building and grabbed whatever she could get a hold of.
This so explains the Cicada invasion in the south!!
Ew ew ew! I thought it was an oversized sweater masquerading as a minidress, but it’s a PONCHO masquerading as an oversized sweater masquerading as a minidress?!?
Is that a Droncho, then?
Oh my god my eyes. Why does she do this? Who is styling her? Is this her own idea? I’m so confused.
——the bag is nice though!
Beware the dangers of a poncho dress with nothing underneath!
Adele can vouch for what happens WHEN PONCHOS GO BAD! See this clip from the Graham Norton show here in the UK. Her story is about 4min28 in: http://youtu.be/YP8dXEEtHJY
wow, I didn’t realize she did the no shampoo thing ( i refuse to call it no-poo cause eww ) I do that too, it takes a week or two for your hair to be like “OH! i can stop trying to save myself by pumping a ton of oil onto your scalp cause you’re no longer stripping me with chemicals? Awesome!” and then it behaves great, no grease and no frizz -( no that doesn’t mean i don’t wash my hair!!!! it means i dont use shampoo because shampoo is not necessary and a lie youve been forced to live by the beauty industry for the last 80 years ) – …. as for the sweater, in the winter with full length dark blue jeans, kinda cute maybe ..but like this? no no no no no
She needs to hire a (good) stylist and drop 20 lbs – STAT. That is all.
*Words.
Semi-modest hooker garb.
Oh. my. god. Those are the first words that popped in my head. And the shoes with that sweater–why? For the love of god, why?!
But I do covet her hair.
Poor Jessica! I always feel so bad for her. She is a beautiful woman, but she just cannot dress herself well at all. With her money, she really ought to hire a good stylist.