We’ve been ignoring British singer Eliza Doolittle because…I don’t know. A long-held prejudice against people who adopt a stage name that’s already the name of a very famous fictional character? Like, that way madness lies. Although clearly madness is already HERE:
That…has a lot going on. Not the least of which being the fact that it’s a size too small. Although now that I’ve looked up Ms Doolittle (ugh) on Noted Factorium Wikipedia and discovered that her mother is Frances Ruffelle, who won a Tony for playing Eponine in Les Miserables and is therefore the Eponine on my own recording of Les Mis and is THEREFORE a woman with whom I have violently sung along for A MILLION YEARS, I am more charitably disposed toward her. BUT WILL YOU BE?
THE SITUATION: I just told you. This is at an event called “Britain Creates 2012: Fashion & Art Collusion” which sounds like something I would have titled one of my old Lit papers: it sounds good but doesn’t really MEAN anything much.
THE TASK: Please write a haiku about this unfortunate yet tropic ensemble using, at some point, the phrase “My Fair Lady.” For obvious reasons.
THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Sunday.
THE PRIZE: We are thrilled to be giving away THREE copies of the new book by Pamela Ribon — who you may know as Pamie, and who we have known since all three of us were recappers over at Television Without Pity. Ah, memories! It’s called You Take It From Here. And the back of the book says:
“On the heels of a divorce, all Danielle Meyers wants is her annual vacation with sassy, life-long best friend, Smidge—complete with umbrella cocktails by an infinity pool—but instead she’s hit with the curveball of a lifetime. Smidge takes Danielle to the middle of nowhere to reveal a diagnosis of terminal cancer, followed by an unusual request: “After I’m gone, I want you to finish the job. Marry my husband. Raise my daughter. I’m gonna teach you to how to be Smidge 2.0.”
As Danielle wrestles with this major life decision, she finds herself torn between being true to her best friend’s wishes and being honest with herself. Parenting issues aside, Smidge’s small-town Louisiana world is exactly the one Danielle made sure to escape. Danielle isn’t one for playing the social butterfly, or being the center of attention. And when your best friend tries to set you up on a date night with her husband, it might be time to become the bossy one for a change.
In the spirit of Beaches and Steel Magnolias, You Take It from Here is an honest, hilarious, and heartbreaking novel that ultimately asks: How much should we sacrifice for the ones we love the most?”
I can’t wait to read it — in fact, I just went to pre-order it for my Kindle and Amazon told me I had already ordered it, I want to read it that much — and I know you guys are going to love it. So get out there and haiku yourself a copy!
Comments (106):
There is no proper enunciation in the description of this garb.
Tiki bar wench with
People dancing on her crotch
My fair lady, no
A little too small
your tropical loin cloth is.
That’s not fair, lady.
Oh my, fair lady!
The Christmas tree’s mad at you.
Why’d you steal it’s tulle?
Oh, my fair lady
You need to fetch your slippers
Please don’t leave your house
Here’s mine:
Small skirt bursts at seams
See through top with midriff bare
Yet I am dowdy
Pssst! My fair lady
One strong breeze and your hoo haa
Will provoke ha ha’s
Brilliant.
Suggested re-brand of event:
“British Creatures 2012: Fashion and Art Collision”
That’s how I initially read it!
What happens when the
seams burst? Gymnasts tumble from
my fair lady’s groin.
love this!
My fair lady, dear,
Please look down after dressing.
At least it’s not sheer.
To the tune of Billy Joel’s “Tell Her About It”:
Teal her about it
Teal her all your crazy dreams
Give my fair lady
Some attention give
Her something to believe
do-do-do-do-do
That fugly skirt trend!
Are midriff tops still a thing?
Ain’t so fair, lady.
My fair lady thought,
“But don’t the shoes match the shirt;
Isn’t that enough?”
The loincloth – oh, my!
Fair lady, it’s poorly paired
With your Barbie’s shirt.
Jerkygirl says: “Oh
My!!! Fair lady, go change, now.
Move yer bloomin’ arse!!!”
Henry Higgins cried,
“Wrinkled teal genie – My Fair
Lady, you are not!”
My fair lady parts
Cannot be contained by a
Mere satin loincloth.
I dreamed a bad dream
“Hawaiian My Fair Lady”
Teal and tulle- I scream.
Inspired by Lisa Housman…the less dirty of the dancers:
Where’s your seashell bra?
Baby’s sister did it right.
Now, get off the stage!
My “fair” lady D
Let’s just say the coconut
Fell far from the tree
Don’t you fret, My Fair
Lady, A Little Fall of
Rain will trash this “dress.”
The skirt has split, a
Napkin has been tied. My fair
Lady go inside!
I was lucky enough to see Frances Ruffelle as Eponine. That her daughter is wearing this outfit does not make me charitable towards this outfit. AT ALL.
Oh, My Fair Lady!
Just you wait Henry Higgins
Now sounds tres dirty
My Fair Lady…WOAH!
Breezy high thighs best disguised
Mistaken ho? NO!
Shredded coconut
Shredded coconut,
My fair lady, why stop there?
A full-on Monet.
Your Clueless reference wins my vote… even though we aren’t voting.
All this has done is
Earwormed that “loverly” song.
Thanks, my fair lady.
At my fair, lady does
acrobatics advertised
on tight loin-curtain
(S)teal the limelight, My!
Fair Lady from thy mother
Skirt needs a Ruffelle
The rest of your clothes?
Piña coladas may help
us, my fair lady.
Move your bloomin’ arse
And burn that hideous “dress”
Quick, my fair lady!
Could the rain in Spain
Help your dress grow more fabric?
Please, my fair lady!
Tropical vacay
Wouldn’t it be loverly
Oye, my fair lady
Mud flaps and boob ties
and skin, oh my! Fair lady,
please go up a size.
All I want is a
Room somewhere, far away from
My fair lady’s “skirt”
One size up, no slits
Wouldn’t that be loverly?
No. Still ugly teal.
Seafoam Collision?
Oh ho! Revenge is sweet say
my fair lady parts.
Words would even fail
Professor Henry Higgins
My Fair Lady, NO
less pygmalion like,
more like a praying mantis,
no, my fair lady?
Even the dancers
On your skirt, my fair Lady
look embarassed
What, my fair lady?
Did your dryer malfunction?
Shrinkage not sexy.
Misunderstanding?
“My Fair Lady” refers not
to a carnival.
Tropical groin flap
is all that stands between us
and Her Fair Lady.
(okay, I sort of bent the rules a little bit.)
Her fair lady hides
beneath really tight satin.
Beware the side slits!
My fair lady insists:
“Garn! ‘Urricanes ‘ardly hever
‘appen in fashion!”
you dress like a clown
but you’re still not invited
to my fair, lady
Oh, my fair lady
Does your mermaid costume fit?
Not bloody likely!
Figures writhing on
Large, rectangular mint wang
My fair lady… not
To quote Professor
Higgins, my fair lady: “You
impudent hussy!”
“Jack Sparrow wants you,
Walk the plank my fair lady”:
Depp post-Vanessa
My Fair Lady, eh?
Tropical Storm Eliza
is more apropos
p.s. that skirt, like the Grinch’s heart, is at least 2 sizes too small
My Fair Lady, please
Be careful not to expose
Your Henry Higgins
I sat down too hard
My skirt split bananalike
I am no fair lady
Frances Ruffelle did the UK entry for Eurovision one year. WE WILL BE FREE!!!
Not really entering, because I’m just stealing something I saw on Facebook this morning, but I think it fits (better than the outfit, for sure):
My fair lady: No
No no no no no no no
No no no no no!
Church? My fair lady,
We just need to get you to
a stylist on time.
My fare, lady? I’ll
Have a mai tai. What? You’re not
A tiki barmaid?
Satin mud flaps and
Greek statuary couture
Fail, my fair lady
Beach house draperies
do little, my fair lady,
in the way of skirts
My eyes, oh, my eyes!
Fair, but not in that size.
Lady you need a stylist.
Take it up a size,
Eliza Dress Toolittle.
Better yet burn it.
More mud flaps. I won’t
Grow accustomed to this trend.
My fair lady hits foul.
“Not Without My Fruit!”,
the Carmen Miranda show,
with My Fair Lady.
Tropic Thunder lives!
At least my fair lady’s parts
Are all covered up.
My fair lady cries
And fears a ‘urricane ‘as ‘appened
Upon your person
Countenance of glum
Split skirt, insufficient shirt,
Nay! My fair lady
My fair lady lies
Where the little mermaid and
Beach Barbie collide.
No my fair lady,
Shaw’s Play is Pygmalion
Not Pig-Roast-A–Thon.
Not even Audrey,
the REAL “My Fair Lady,” could
salvage THIS train wreck
I have never seen
My Fair Lady but I’m sure
It don’t look like that.
Well, my fair lady –
We now know you steal clothes from
One Blanche Devereaux
Well, my fair lady –
We now know you stole clothes from
Young Blanche Devereaux.
Lisa, Baby says
You can’t sing your hula song
in “My Fair Lady.”
MY FAIR ACRONYM.
Madam YonderFug,
Admire, If Right, Loose Attire
Dismay Yourself. Please.
Hey world, meet my thighs!
But at least I’m not flashing
My Fair Lady. Yet.
You say Eliza
appears in My Fair Lady?
Not South Pacific?
Thighs weep blood red tulle
mortal wound of Eponine
Hush, My Fair Lady
Too many tubers
Stuffed into my fair lady’s
Satin spud sack
(but the coconuts look well taken care of)
My UNfair lady,
We all hope the rain in Spain
falls mainly on this.
One size left, it’s two.
By George I think she’s zipped it!
My Fair Lady, breathe!
Mrs. Pearce gasps aloud.
Professor Higgins sends My
Fair Lady away.
I’m a pretty girl
Sorry that my taste in clothes
Makes you hide your eyes
Lamour in sarong
Bing sang, “You’re my fair lady”
This chick – not so much
My fair lady, that
Ensemble ensures you can’t
Move yer bloomin’ arse.
Professor Higgins
thinks you are “HHHorendous”, dear
And not his fair lady
Oh, my fair lady
Please stop dressing in the dark.
A sarong? So wrong.
One size too small? You’re being too kind! Yikes! And for a second I thought it was the actress from Good Will Hunting.
Crotch shield and boob truss.
Porn My Fair Lady takeoff?
Eliza Does Lots
Miss Hulk Hawaiian
Tropic: my fair lady, not
Yet an Avenger
High waists are heartbreak
A multitude of teal sins
My Fair Lady, why?
Voice lessons won’t fix
My fair lady’s dress. But a
Flamethrower? Maybe.
My fair lady told
Henry he’d be sorry. But
Why did WE do wrong?
“My Fair Lady Two”
Won Best Song for “[One Size Up]
Would Be Less Fugly”
My fair lady could
Have danced all night if her thighs
Hadn’t busted out.
Tell my fair lady
Thanks, some piña coladas
Would be loverly.
yep… Doeslittle
The spot on the floor
is what’s left of fair lady’s
dignity, so sad
I could not have danced
without showing everyone
my fair ladyparts.
My unfair, lady!
Turquoise typhoon travesty–
Dirty Dancing dud.
Bring me a mai tai
My fair lady, using
Silicone glove purse.
“All I want is some
clothes that fit” – Eliza D
IS… My Fair Lady.
Excuse me, Madame
But my fair ladies DO NOT
need access panels.
Aow, wouldn’t it be
Loverly to stage My Fair
Lady: Hawaii.
Look! What a frenzied
shot that was! My fair lady’s
gut and op’ning skirt.
I’m too late to enter, but W.o.w. Has any one else noticed she’s dead in the eyes??