Mariah Carey is a national treasure. Behold her, in Aspen, doing some “late-night Christmas shopping, with champagne” per our photo source:
Also please note that she appears to be singing. I like to believe that Mimi sing-narrates everything she does. You know: “Do youuuuuuuuuu have this in a sizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzze SIX? Gingham is my jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAmmmmmm.” Etc. I feel like this is actually kind of a believable theory, you guys.
THE TASK: Please compose the BRIEF song that Mariah is singing in this photo.
THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on MONDAY.
THE PRIZE: This is a really good one. We have one copy of Audrey: The 60s by David Wills, a TREMENDOUSLY beautiful coffee table book devoted to Audrey Hepburn in, you guessed it, the 1960s. Per Amazon: “Among the highlights: Rare and classic images digitally restored from their original negatives and transparencies; never-before-seen publicity photos and candids from the sets of Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Charade, My Fair Lady, How to Steal a Million, and Two for the Road; unpublished outtakes and rarely seen images from Vogue fashion sessions, some not published since their original appearance; previously unpublished photos by Bert Stern, Cecil Beaton, Douglas Kirkland, William Klein, Howell Conant, Bob Willoughby, Pierluigi Pratulon, and many others.” It is a huge, glossy hardcover and the winner is going to LOVE IT.
Comments (110):
Sung to the tune of both choruses of Mariah’s “Fantasy”:
This dress is just a sweet sweet fantasy baaabaaay, when I close my eyes I pretend it’s not uggllay!
I’m in heaven, when I’m shopping, in my gingham. There’s no one around so I wore jams, there for bedtime but I’m not sleeping!
By the way, I NEVER respond to these, but Audrey is my absolutely favorite and I named my daughter after her. So, great giveaway! And it doesn’t hurt that I kinda love Mariah too. But that dress…oh my.
(Audrey is such a pretty name!)
I am thankful know no Mariah Carey songs to rework.
The hills are alive with the sound of Mimi
And plaids that I know will destroy your eyes!
Your ears will be blessed with the sound of Mimi
And I’ll shop once more!
Ooooooooooohhhwooaaaaahhwooaaaaaaaaahhh
TaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAke me back to
the 90s when my hair was natural
and pretty. Not convinced?
How about I puuuuuuut ooooooooooonnnn
this blessed 90s picnic table cloth
and belt from the late 80s that
doubles as a castle doooooooooooor.
Knock, knock, Emotions.
sung to taylor swifts we are never ever getting back together
i remember when i put this napkin on
saying, this is it! ive transformed my tablecloth cause like
i haven’t been out in a month
the paps said they needed space (WHAT?)
then the fug girls came around again and said
mimi we miss your fugly outfits and thats one ugly kinky looking belt
you and this dress should never ever ever get back together
like ever
Ha!!!
I shimmy
I shake
This guy wants me to take a break
But I just can’t stop
Singing
And shopping
In gingham
it’s my life!
You have to imagine her elongating the words into a Mariah-esque arrangement, picture her moving that scarf to and fro, add glitter and sparkles and voila! A song!
Sung to: ‘Without You’ (best version by original Welsh band, Bad Finger btw)
Oh I can’t forget this evening and your side-eye
At what I was wearing
But I guess that’s how this patchwork story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes at my fugly clothes…clooooooothes…
No I can’t wear the weightlifter belt tomorrow
Even when I think of all your sorrow
When I had that prada number but then I let it go
And now it’s only fair that I should let you know
My fugliness can only grow- oooooh you should knooooow (drums)
I can’t live -my tablecloth tabard
If living is without you
I can’t live
If checks aren’t manufactured full length -woo-hooooo
I can’t live without my weird cardi guitar combi strap
I can’t live without the helping hand of a beleathered hunky chap…
Ohhhhhh I can’t liiiiive (whispers: Patchwork story)
Fin
the song was originally (and written) by harry nilsson.
Thank Christmas someone is referring to the original singer of this song, a gem from my early teens. I hate it when a song is announced as being sung by the most recent rehasher.
I belted my plaid
With a belt bigger than my head
Because I don’t care
I have curly hair
I just belted that
See what I did there?
An error message on mine so not sure if it’s got through. Here it is again in case:
Sung to ‘Without You’:
Oh I can’t forget this evening
Or your side-eye as I was leaving
But I guess that’s how this patchwork story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
At my fugly cloooothes,cloooothes
No i can’t wear the weightlifter belt tomorrow
Even when Ii think of all your sorrow
When I had that prada number
But then I let it go
And now it’s only fair that you should know
My fugliness can only groooow- ow-owwww (drums)
I can’t live- my tablecloth tabard- if living is without you
I can’t live if checks aren’t manufactured full length- oh nooo-whoo-hoo!
I can’t live without my weird combi cardi guitar strap
I can’t live without the helping hand of a beleathered hunky chap
Oh I can’t liiiive (whispers: Patchwork story)
Fin
Sung to the tune of Emotions…
Mmmm, Mmmmm
Yeah
Woo, Oh, Oh, Oh, hey hey
I’m gonna smell some lotions
Maybe I will find a nice tub
Ooh, Ohh, Ho, I’m gonna buy fancy po-o-tions
And all over me Nick will rub
I’m walking, On some ice
Do not care, ’bout the price
Shopping spree, Aspen nights,
Table cloth dress, corset tight
I’d like some cream
Do you sell a jasmine o-o-o-o-ne
It should have shea butter
‘Cuz I like the feel on my outSIIIIIDE!!!
In the course of writing this, I discovered it’s really hard to capture the essence of the way Mariah sings in written form.
Rock on, Mimi!
I had a Vision of Fug
And it was gingham plaid belted muu muu
I had Vision of Fugggggggggggggggggggggg
And it was Ginnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Oooooooooooooooooooooooo Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Oooo oooo oooooo ooooooo oooo ooooo whoooooooo whooooooo whoooooooooooooo (take that Minaj!)
….. ham plaid belted muuuuuuuuuuuuu muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…….
Freaking AWESOME!!
That is amazing. A-mazing.
I can’t get over this one. Love.
Had some champagne and I’m feeling fine
Gotta get back to dem babies of mine.
Got my bodyguard near me; he’s holding my arm
I pay folks to see that I come to no harm.
Dressed like a lumberjack
Wearin’ my white and black
My life nearly never has me
Singin’ the blues.
*sung to the opening of In A Big Country, by Big Country:
I’ve never seen you look like this without a reason,
another undulating big plaid season weaves before your eyes
This dress moves standing still, wiping the smile from my face
And I desparately fantasize I’m someone who is still a child.
And in a big country my dream is I’m Mariah Carey and not you
I sing so high, your dogs will cry. Butterfly.
Stay alive..
Butterfly.
Mad props, Ratzo. Awesome.
Even though you have just planted an earworm I know will haunt me for the rest of the weekend, that was just madd genius. ::: slow clap :::
Dolly Parton gave this dress to me
I paired it with my belt from Muhammad Ali
When I get home gonna shake it off
And use it as a tablecloth.
Everybody just, everybody just bounce bounce
Nice work ladies. I’m particularly pleased that so many of you have, like me, noticed that Mariah is clad in a tablecloth. I’m no good at making up lyrics but ‘Turning tables’ by Adele and ‘Empty chairs at empty tables’ from Les Miserables were certainly playing in my head as I looked at the picture.
On the plus side, it’s made me warm to her a bit. Who hasn’t been photographed whilst trolleyed?
In the maaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllll
I girdle my ribs for the chore
In the maaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllll
Ain’t you lucky that I’m never a bore?
Rocking this Saturday mall-hopping thriller
Browsing for discounts even though it’s a chiller
With my sparkling neck bandy –
My embarrassed-looking arm candy –
Love you gingham pillar, baby,
Love your gingham…pillllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrr
♪♫Wearing this much fabric is quite confusing to me
How exactly are my breasts & legs supposed to breathe? ♫♪
Sung to: (gangham) Gingham Style
I’m a girl who is warm and Humanly during the dayyyyy
A classy girl who wears plaid and loves some cafe-yyy,
A girl whose heart is kept warm with a wrestling belt
A girl with a kind of twist, who looks damn svelte-
Mimi is doing it gingham style
Mimi is doing it gingham style
Gingham style… Styyyyyyle
I’m a girl with too many curls- but there’s no shame
Cos Polyanna is my middle name
I’ll put my hair up when the right time comes
But for now me and my homey will wag our thumbs
Cos I’m doing it gingham style
Tablecloth toots, it’s gingham style
A girl who covers herself is More sexy rhan a girl who bares it all
Hey PSY give Mimi a call!
You know what I’m saying- Mimi is Gingham styyyyyleeee!
Love it! I think you win.
Imagine the dace moves that goes with Gingham Style!! I’m thinking some sort of line dance – maybe a quick do-se-do (no idea if that’s misspelled…)
To “All I Want for Christmas Is You”
I wont walk a lot this Christmas
Its just more champaign I need
And I just don’t care if this dress is
looking very table cloth-y
I just want to dance alone
more than body guards ever know
make my wish come true
baby all I want for Christmas is to be the fug madness champion!
I really can’t top Ratzo, but if someone also wrote songs inspired by Dreamlover (the last time I remember seeing Ms. Carey in gingham) or All I Want for Christmas Is You, I would still enjoy the hilarity.
I should make more wishes on this page and watch the others of Fug Nation magically make them true. Many thanks to Emilie Finch Pacheco.
Hey, Fug Girls, I’m not participating but thought you’d enjoy a little peek of what Mariah would sound like if she sang her thoughts! This happened very recently in Australia… say what you will about her fashion choices, there’s no other diva I’d rather drink with! (Assuming, of course, Cher is too busy tweeting the latest political cover-up.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXy6XMvIX7g
That made my Saturday morning. I would love to hang out with her. I think she’s probably the best girlfriend. She’d give you wacky fashion tips and talk smack on Nicki Majai all in the same breath.
I can’t believe I haven’t seen Rep. Rosa DeLauro, D-CT grace the pages of this site. The outfit she’s wearing in the photo linked below deserves a special award from Go Fug Yourself. No really, she and it does.
http://tinyurl.com/alyqyl3
If the skirt were longer and the jacket nipped in more at the waist, that would actually be kinda cool.
YES!!! When I grow old I want to dress like her!
Just when I didn’t think I could contribute anything to this stellar thread, I read this and recalled:
http://rosadelauroisafuckinghipster.tumblr.com/
Also, re Rep. DeLauro: WOW. We’re artsy up here in the Quiet Corner (northeastern CT), but even we know not to wear our prairie boots to Washington.
I’m sorry, but that is how I want to dress when I’m 65 and retired. That is effing awesome. I wish I was American so I could vote for her.
I have no song but that belt is certainly hanging on for dear life.
No contest entry – I just wanted to say that the way that she’s clenching her hand right in front of that lamposty-thing made me think that she was carrying a rifle.
“Rise up rise up)
Oh rise and show your power
(Rise up rise up)
Were dancing into the sun
(Rise up rise up)
It’s time for celebration
(Rise up rise up)
Mimi’s time has come”
“My cups
Runneth over
With LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEE”
(With apologies to Ed Ames)
walkin’ Gingham style
gingham style
walk walk walk gingham style
A rum, two rum
champagne, just some
drink it up drink it drink it up yum
walk walk walk down the street just for fun
ooohhh I’m a sexy lady
walk walk walk walkin’ gingham style
Gingham Moment (to the tune of Hero)
There’s a moment
When you wear a gingham dress
And a bottle of champagne
Is insiiiiiiiiiiiide
And then two twins come along
And you burst into song
Hitting notes that shatter glass
Though your career is in the past
So when your marriage is bizarre
You’re a Home Shopping Network star
You will finally see the truth
That the moment lies in you
To the tune of “All I Want For Christmas Is You”.
I don’t want a lot for Christmas—
Believe me when I say it’s true.
(And I) I don’t care about the big belt
That’s squeezing my insides in two.
Chorus:
Laura’s who I want to be—
(Yeah) Ingalls Wilder of the prairie.
Almanzo, you’re my fling—
Baby, it’s Christmas so let’s sing!
I don’t want a lot for Christmas–
Believe when I say it’s true.
(And I) I don’t care about the big belt
That’s squeezing my insides in two.
I don’t want to drink the water—
Sober’s not what I need to be.
If not for this bottle of Champagne,
Could I dress so tackily?
Chorus:
Laura’s who I want to be—
(Yeah) Ingalls Wilder of the prairie.
Almanzo, you’re my fling—
Baby, it’s Christmas so let’s sing!
Oh, I won’t ask for much this Christmas—
I won’t even wish for snow.
I don’t want that big old blizzard
To keep Pa late and make him cold!*
I won’t make a list a send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick.
All my Christmas dreams were crushed
Because Nellie Olsen is such a dick!
I just want to throw a pig’s bladder**
And to hear the big sleigh’s clatter—
Almanzo, you’re my fling—
Baby, it’s Christmas so let’s sing!
Sing, baby.
Oh, all the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere.
All this late-night shopping—
Is giving me dramatic flair.
And everyone is singing—
I hear those sleigh bells ringing—
Nick, why is it that you cannot see
Almanzo is the man for me?
Oh I don’t want a lot for Christmas—
This is all I’m asking for:
I just wish my sister Mary’s
Light blue eyes could see once more.
Chorus
Oh, Laura’s who I want to be—
(Yeah) Ingalls Wilder of the prairie.
Almanzo, you’re my fling—
Baby, it’s Christmas so let’s
Sing, baby!***
*(Reference: Little House In The Big Woods, Little House on the Prairie, On The Banks of Plum Creek, The Long Winter, etc.)
** (Reference: Little House In The Big Woods)
***(Sing is stretched out to, like, three thousand syllables.)
(to the tune, obviously, of “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria” from The Sound of Music)
How do you solve a problem like Mariah?
Why would she wear a cumberbund to town?
Or is it a corset, or part of a tire-ah?
Regardless, the tablecloth dress gives me a frown.
… [editied for brevity, to get to the grande finale]…
Oh how do you solve a problem like Maria-ah?
Why is this lovely gal dressed like a clown?
“Always be your Mimi”
1991, babe
I return to that time
With my tight spiral perm
The 90′s will always be mine
My dress wants to be free
Pull my black scarf aside
And I know in my heart babe
Gingham will never die, no
My belt’s half the size of me
And my shrug is from 2003
Don’t even try to understand me
Ooh darling, ’cause I’ll always be your Mimi
I should mention that is to the tune of “Always be my baby”, if that wasn’t already painfully obvious…
Every night it seems…
I see it…I feel it…
this thing is a sarong…
far across the street
the racks in between us…
you beautiful sarong…
near….far….snuggled in my car…
I am wrapped in my sarong
Once More….a stranger opens a door…
and I feel that he wants my sarong….
To the tune of one of her greatest hits, Shake it Off
I’m trynna take it off
Cause this weird old cardigan isn’t hiding anything
I’m gonna dump it in a bin.
Oh I Gotta take it off
Gotta do what’s best for me
Baby and that means I gotta take it off
I wear table cover-ings
is that so hard to believe
with a cinch belt
can’t you see
they belong together
I look
like I’ve been drink-ing
Boones Farm and some He-ness-sy
is that so hard to believe
they belong together
bay baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
to “We belong together”
The card’s coming off
(Christmas)
My guard’s seen it all
(Christmas)
I’m shopping in town
(Christmas)
Baby, please, where’s home?
(Christmas)
A tire jack around
(Christmas)
My shakra of song
(Christmas)
It’s nothing, Nick’s just calm
(Christmas)
Baby, please, where’s home?
Sung to the tune of Hero:
Whoooohoooohooooo….
Got some big plaid
Flowing down below my breasts
Buffalo check makes me glad
Snuggies is the best!
My belts a truss
Had some twins that ruined me
I cinch it tight as it can be
I’ll be okaaaaaaay Yay!!!!!!
And that Minaj is full of crap
Big ol’ butt and bigger yap!
She’s gonna shoot me so she say
Making me look less cray-cray!
But got my spiral perm and bubbles
And this man holding me from trouble
Got that idol and a new year
So that Bitch can kiss MY rear
I don’t want to match this Christmas
There is just one dress I need
Don’t care about this fug belt
Underneath my boobs so free
I just want a picnic spread
Over me up to my head
Make my year complete
Cover me with your hot lunch meat
*ohhh-ohhh-oh*
*kicky riff!*
Tablecloths, they just scream “Christmas!”
And I’ve got a scarf to match
Spread me underneath a tree
Eat off me, and there’s no catch
You don’t need to hang a stocking
You don’t need to put up lights
Gonna wear my picnic blanket
Every day until Twelfth Night
I just want the ants to know
They’re welcome ‘though it’s winter now
Santa Claus, come get your cookies
Sitting on my epic prow
Nick, go get the basket please
Stack it high with wine and cheese
Put your food on me
I’m a picnic blanket, baby
{This|That’s| {an|a} {interesting|absorbing|thought-provoking|thought provoking|mind-absorbing|advanced|great|amazing} {article|post|blog post|informational post}. {Really|Very} {interesting|excellent} {thoughts|ideas|plans|guidelines|guide} {on|regarding|in regards to} {Internet|internet|online} {marketing|money making}.
One Sweet Day
Sorry, I never told you I’m in Aspen being fug
And now I’ve been caught here on camera
Drunk shopping in a shrug (in a shruuuuuuuuuuug)
And I know eventually we’ll be together
One sweet daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
You’ll eat a picnic off of my body.
To the tune of Always Be My Baby
do do doop
do do doop do doop da dum
Plaid was once baaaaabe
Something in styyyyyle
And it seemed flatteringgggg
On a body this fiiiiine
Now belts come for freeee
‘Cause I’m diva alriiiiiight
Did you see me in glitter?
Cause I know in my heart babe, that movie will never diiiiiiiiie
Old fads will always be a part of me
Though I’m sure Nick feels differentlyyyyy
Boy don’t you know the 90s cant escape me
Oh darling cause I’ll always be FUG MIMI!
“You’ll always be a part of me…I’m part of you indefinitely
Oh dress you know you can’t escape me
If I can’t wear you then I’ll put you on the table”
(Sung, to no one in particular, and in a drunken manner, to the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club “Goodbye” song)
Now it’s time [hiccup]
To Say goodbye
To that Mouse with an “L”
Nicki.
N – I – (shhhh)Ceeeeeeeeeee
She’s a goon gone loon!
K – (hiccup) – Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Aye, yie, yie!
She slipped me a mickey!
That L – O – U – S – Eeeeeeeeeeee
(Using many Mimi song titles……)
It’s one sweet day,
When I close my eyes
and I’m Gingham Mimi Butterfly
In the widest belt that I can fiiiiiind.
I was a vision of plaid
But If I can’t make it happen,
It’s just a sweet sweet fantasy, BABY
When I close my eyes, I almost slip & take a fall
I’m just a dreamfugger
But I still believe:
All I want for Christmas is better booooots.
And then a gingham dress comes along
In a plaid that feels really wrong.
But you cast your fears aside
and decide to go outside
So when you feel like your waistline is gone…
Put this girdle on, it’s real stro-ong!
And you’ll finally see the truth,
That a diva lies in yooo-ou.
I don’t know this picture made me think of “My Favorite Things,” but here you have it:
Raindrops on roses and long gingham dresses
Big sparkly earrings and blond curly tresses
Bound by a giant belt, she softly sings:
These are a few of my favorite things
When the belt’s tight
When the scarf blings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remove only one of my shoes
And then I don’t feel so bad!
Sorry for the typo. I meant I don’t know “why” this picture made me think of the song. Left out the “why.”
I enjoooooy hoisting the girls!
(sung to the tune of Mariah’s “Vanishing”)
If I could make 10 clones
Of my gingham muumuu
To sell on QVC
Surely I would
Belt in my high whistle tones
About my bodyguard and me
Surviving the night
After a full champagne flight
I’m bedazzling
My bolero and scarf
I’m bedazzling
Was stricken by a pun and wrote this…
CHECK-MATE (Penned to Nicki Minaj, perhaps, in a battle of Idol Wits)
We both love a game of chess
You started with a pawn
I know that you done did your best
But you can’t beat this belt from Tron
Next you led out with your queen
Tried to take me right down,
But my sparkle scarf got tricks you never seen
For a night out on the town
But you got me, got me
When you led out with your knight
I tried to counter with my hair
But it was such a fright!
Yet how did I not see?
This outfit was my fate
Gingham-wreathed misery
Check-check-CHECK-mate
I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I’m gonna take off this dress
And use for a skirt beneath the tree
The decor it will monochrome
The kids will match — lil’ Roc and Roe
In custom dyed emu
For Christmas my kids will be as cool … as Bluuuuuue
I don’t want a lot from my kids
They’re real cute as you can see
And I don’t care that Beyonce
Has the career that’s meant for me
I don’t care if Jay-Z has Barclays
While Nick’s on reality
To be happy I’ve got my Cristal
And a large man holding onto me
I’ve got a lot of stuff to call my own
More than you could ever know
What more can I do?
I want my kids to be as cool as Blue!
Bluuuuue, baby.
“sing-narrates”
Sung to “I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm”
The wind is blowing, the snow is falling
But I’ve got my corset-belt on!
What do I care if my mountain range is bare?
I’ve got Flannel gingham on, who cares!
Bridge:
Off with my sparkly coat, off with my scarf
Maybe if I keep singing
I won’t barf…
I can’t remember a worse bad hair move
than getting another Jheri-curl perm
What do I care about Minaj’s who rap?
I got my voice… I’ve got my crew… I’ve got my man.. I’ve got my kids…
I dropped my bottle…
Oh Snap!
Because she is wearing a caftan that wouldn’t be amiss on a lanai, to the tune of the Golden Girls theme song:
Thank you for holding my arm
As I travel the snowy brick road.
I am real drunk,
and this scarf is holding my head on.
If you threw a picnic
On my gingham blanket of a dress
You would see the biggest championship belt is on me.
And if I were sober I’d say
Thank you for holding my arm.
He’s grabbin’ my arm
I’m grabbin’ my scarf
This corset is so tight
I think I might barf
But it’s alright
I only ate oreos today
The dress is black and white
My puke will blend, oh yay!
to bob marley’s “buffalo soldier”:
buffalo plaid, yo?
well, i don’t see any buffalo.
it’s a stupid thing to call a dress;
why not stick with “a hot mess”?
BELT BELT BELT
BELT BELT BELT BELT
BELT BELT BELT BELT BELT BELT BELT BELT
BELT BELT BELT
BELT BELT BELT BELT
in case you didn’t notice, i’m wearing a BELT.
#dead
I just sang the BELT chorus out loud. Thank you, that was glorious.
To dream lover
Oh Nick won’t you baby,
Bring me a flattering dress quickly,
I need something uplifting
To cover me baby…oh yeah yeah
At dinner I split wine down my dress,
Now I’m dressed in a tablecloth-oth
It’s neither glittery
Or a bandage dress,
I feel like such a mess,
Why don’t you take me away
Nick bring a new dress for me
Dress me up Dress me down
Dress me in anything but a tablecloth baby
I want to so desperately
To show my legs, or my boobs,
And ensure Minaj aint out-diva-ing me.
I just saw Mariah perform in Australia last week, and I can confirm, yes, she does sing narrate everything!
(to the melody of Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful”)
Normally I feel so beautiful
But suddenly it’s hard to breathe
Right here my waist is squeezed
From this gorgeous belt, picked it myself
I have fashion sense
Don’t care what photos say
Reality can’t bring me doooooowwwwwn.
Sung to the tune of “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey:
I don’t want a lot for Fugmas,
but this girdle makes my organs bleed,
Don’t care about breathing,
as I shop for my pink Christmas tree.
I just demand a golden throne,
some more champagne to wet my throat (hiccups),
make my rider list come truuuuuue,
or this place is getting so suuuuuued.
I’ve started multi-taaaaaaaaaaaaasking,
Like all good mama’s doooooooooooooooooo.
My twins are so demandiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing,
I’ve found a way that’s truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue:
My babies want a picniiiiiiiiiiiiiiic,
I want to party toooooooooooooooooo.
My dress will be the blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanket,
Then take me out with yooooooooouuuuuuuuuu.
To the tune of All I Want For Christmas is You
I won’t shop a lot this Christmas
Crowded stores just freak me out
All those people, all those parcels
Kind of make me want to pout.
I will make my list and take it
To the stores when darkness falls
Love my fans, but I don’t need them
Crowding round in shopping malls.
I just want to shop at night
Brother hold my arm so tight
It won’t take too long…
With a glass of Dom Perignon
To the tune of “All I Want for Christmas” (very slowly and dramatically):
I can wear my scarf while shop-ping, see it stretch! It’s so sparkly!
I don’t care my belt looks like a, medical brace for neck or knee.
I couldn’t find a dress I liked,
So I cinched our picnic blanket so tight,
What more can I do?
Nick said I looked stupid … how true!
Me and Mariah, go back like small sequenced attire, so I KNOW this is what she’s singing:
Oh when I walk by every night
Singing sweet and drinking wine
I get kind of hectic inside
Oh Nicki I’m so over you
Darling if you only knew
All the grammys that I call mine
But it’s just a…
Cheap, cheap fantasy baby
When I roll my eyes
You come and hate on me.
On and on and on.
You are so deep in your daydreams
But it’s just a cheap, cheap fantasy baby
Images of ‘Slap her’
Creep into me slowly
As you’re coming towards my head
And my heart beats faster
When I throw you over
Randy and Urban again!
But it’s just a…
To the tune of “All I Want For Christmas (Is You)”
I don’t want a lot this new year,
There is just one thing I need,
I don’t care about the presence,
Of a basket or baked Brie.
I just want someone with me,
And my tiny husband under a tree.
Make my wish come true,
Baby all I want for Christmas is (a picnic on my lap) with you!
Sung to the tune of “Silent Night:”
Belted dress, gingham print,
Black and white, black and white.
Behold my long GLITTERy scarf
Be prepared for my twins Roc and Roe
Blush cheeks of LUSCIOUS PINK…
Blush cheeks of LUSCIOUS PINK…
(To the tune of “All I Want For Christmas Is You”)
I didn’t shop a lot for Christmas
I was just too busy
I was winning this wrestling belt
“Savage Butterfly” they called me
Drinking bubbly, barely standing
Popped my cork like a (Nick) Canon
Make my wish come trruuuuueeee
Let me win this American Idol thing, too. Yeah. Baby.
When i have a belt,
I like to sing.
Not the blood of the Welsh,
That I wear rings.
A big drape of plaid,
Driving the Fug girls mad.
Prosit, salute, cheers
Keep me from mirrors.
Hang onto the scarf
And make it to the door.
Or be on the floor,
Camouflaged in a farce.
‘I got a brand new pair of roller skates.
You got a brand new key.’
One young woman at a Beijing clinic said a surgeon had taken off too much skin from the corners of her eyes, leaving her with a slightly alarmed expression. Another was unhappy that her almond-shaped eyes looked practically the same after a 14,000 yuan operation to widen them.
beats by dre studio http://www.cheapbeatsbydretrade.com
♫♪”And I know you’re fugging me on
Go Fug Yourseeeelf,
Like so many blogs have done
Along the wayyy,
And I hope eventually I’ll win
Fug Madness (Fug Madneeeees),
One FUG daaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy
Heeeeyyyy Yehey Yey Yey Yey!”♪♫
Eh~ Sexy lady
Op op op op oppan Gingham Style
Eh~ Sexy lady
Op op op op
Eh eh eh eh eh eh
To Maroon 5′s Tattoo
Weeeee-ee-e-e-e-e-e
My scarf and I go hard
when we’re shoping or just drinking bubbly
Scarf and I go rough
Wearing plaid, glitter or belts a-plenty
But there you go again, go again,
Making me sway to one side
And I start losing my head, losing my head
I wish I could go hide
Got you stuck on my necky, necky
Like a lop-side
Yeaaah, yeahhhh, weeeeeeeeeeeee!
“Vision of Fug”
I must be blind,
Or just tipsy.
My girdle is on the wrong side of
this gingham atrocity.
Threw on this old tablecloth,
cause I spilled champagne on me.
My bodyguard is the one that I needed,
so I don’t fall down in the street.
I am a vision of fug
What else would you expect of me-e-e?
Trippin’ down these snowy bricks/Breathin’ hard through bubbly sips/Losin’ heat out the toppa my head/Mimi likes wearin’ ice instead/Oh, cinch me, sugah, don’t pinch me.
No song from me, but if this dress had a different belt and was knee-length, I’d wear the hell out of it.
My head’s going to prom in 1982
My body’s going to an Addams Family picnic
And I might have had seven too many glasses of Grand Cru
So why’d you let me out of the house, Nick?
To the tune of the first part of Hero, as sung by Mimi, natch.
These earrrings
(if you look around my extensions
You don’t have to be afraid
They’re braaand new)
But these earrings
Are they too much for myyyy dreesss?
But I’m THE Mimi, soooo
I wear what I WAAAANNT.
Oh man, I thought it was just coincidence but when I saw this photo last Friday, I immediately had a headache. Looking at it again today, another immediate headache. I am not making this up or exaggerating. This outfit is bad for my health.
A little number with a salsa feel: “Couchy, couchy.”
Not to be confused with Charo’s “Coochy, coochy,” of course.
To “Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher and Higher)
This belt, made up of old tires
Squeezing tighter, until ligaments tore
So I can’t breathe
My brain’s on fire
Wrap me in linens, I’m oxygen poor
(Chorus)
You know this belt (Is squeezing me tighter)
Keeps on squeezing (belt keeps squeezing me)
Tighter (Squeeezzinnng meeeeeeee)
Tighter and *cough* tighter (tighteeerr)
I said this belt (this belt is squeezing me)
Squeezing me (Squeezing me)
Tighter and tighter (*gasps* tighter)
Almost fainted, I’m weightless
Heels, wine and bricks are not my friend
But this hand reached out from the darkness
Performed some CPR
Now I can breathe again
(Repeat chorus)
Don’t be sad, lambs, I’ve got my champagne
The one that costs more than you make
With my hand, I’ll drink this bubbly champagne
And after, we’ll go for pancakes
(chorus til fade)
(Sung to the tune of Please Mr Postman)
(Stop)
Oh yes, wait a minute Mister Doorman
(Wait)
Wait Mister Doorman
Mister Doorman, hear me sing
(Oh yeah)
While I wear this … this … belted plaid thing
(Please, Please Mister Doorman)
Why am I wearing such a long dress?
(Oh yeah)
The cops will get me for a fug arrest
Frankly, I am too distracted by her giant belt and her corkscrew perm** to even attempt to make faux musical contribution.
**At some point, most people adopt a hair style that they will basically keep for the rest of their lives. Sadly, Mariah seems to have reached that point.
A very Mimi Christmas present:
A tune of sartorial defense,
Cause baby
Belts inspired by high school jazz choir attired
Concert dress
Are simply ‘tis the season
And, baby it’s me—do I really need a reason?
And you too, would get a free pass
If you could sing like I do
(just think, the scroll down of this coulda ended in pants)
don’t accuse this champagne high butterfly of sartorial voodoo
(baby you just lucky it ain’t glittery and see through)
You don’t need your true love bringing
You rings or other golden things
I’m simply priceless, Merry Christmas, just bask in my singing…
(Vision of Fug)
Buffalo plaid
Ankle-length sheath
Walking solo is risky
with these platforms I’ve hid underneath
Drinking some bubbly
wish I could breathe
Doing some last minute shopping
and possibly rocking this weave
I had a vision of fug
and it was all over meeeeeeee…
You guys, it just so happened I was at a Mariah concert last Thursday night and YES, she actually sung talked and sung narrated to the crowd.
E.g. “I love you Sydneeeeeeeey” and, after trying some Vegemite on stage “If someooooone doesn’t get me a glaaaaaaaaass of champaaaaagne in 1.5 seconds you’re all fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired!”)
It was a sight (and sound) to behold. It turns out that she’s a total nut job, but I love and respect her even more now. That is all.
To the tune of “Tapestry” by Carol King
I wear a lovely tapestry
When off to shop I go
A fabric made for divas
My lambies love it so
A wondrous bulky Slanket
In squares of white and black
For fun it hides a shiny gun
Minaj best watch her back.
To the tune of Dreamlover:
I need a tailor to give me
The kind of dress that will last always
I need a bodice uplifting
And not at all janky …oh yeah yeah
I want a tailor who knows me
Who understands how I feel about plaid
A belt to comfort and hold me
Without needing Spanx-y
Not at all
Why don’t you make me over
Dreamtailor come rescue me
Zip me up zip me down
Make me over, you know you want to baby now
I need you so desperately
Won’t you please come around
‘Cause I wanna be fabulous today baby
To the tune of ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’
Well you can see I’m drunk,
But I don’t really care,
With my man on my arm,
I’m floating in the air.
I had my own two kids,
unlike Bee-on-suh-nay,
And now that I can drink,
Just listen to me say, say, say, say –
I’m a diva and I’m worth all of the trou-bull-ull,
Check my belt out,
Bartender please make it a doubull-ull-ulll,
Got to step out,
Mimi’s done with birthin’ her bay-bee-eeeeees,
Gonna swing my scarf now,
My man cuter than ugly ol’ Jay-zee-eeee,
Whoa I got to barf now-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow.