Fug Madness 2011: Play-In Game, Madonna vs. Cher

Welcome to the first game of Fug Madness 2012! Need a refresher on how this works? Here’s the Fug Madness FAQ. Wondering what the hell is happening in this post? WONDER NO MORE: This is our play-in game, wherein two celebs who ALMOST made it into the tourney proper battle it out to make it to the big dance. There, thanks to a hilarious quirk of our Randomizer (which determines who is placed in what bracket), the winner of this game will take on Lady Gaga — who owes something to them both.

So let’s get to the battle — which involves perhaps more fishnet than is strictly legal.

Can you think of anything more horrifying than THIS?

Lourdes looks adorable, and not at all like she’s about to say what I would have said in this occasion, which would have been, “Moooooooooooooooooooom, you’re EMBARRASSING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.” Actually, what I would have said would have been closer to, “MOM. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? Get your robe, we’re going to the hospital,” because my own mother would have had to have been the victim of alien brain probes to leave the house wearing this.

Madge was a bit fashion-bi-polar this year. We had the highs of nudity, but they were preceded by the lows of, er, this:

The thigh-squashing indignities of this:

(How thigh-squashing does a pair of boots have to be to do that to MADONNA, whose thighs are made entirely of Kevlar?)

And what seems to be a rejection of color as a concept 85% of the time. Sigh. Oh, Madonna. You’re more interesting that this. If only this Web-site had existed during The Olden Days. You coulda been (more of) a contender.

Speaking of the olden days:

Back in them, Cher would have worn this with a headdress.

I also would have accessorized THIS with a head piece, if it were up to me:

As a distraction from….the rest of it. And in the interest of ending this play-in game with a BANG:

HOO-BOY.