Fug Madness, Round Two, Part Two: Charo Bracket

(3) LEIGHTON MEESTER v. (6) MISCHA BARTON

There is something delightful about the fact that we’ve got the once (and future?) queen of the Josh Schwartz Teen Dramas up against the current one. Well. Maybe not for them.

Considering how awesome The OC was during its height, this photo is sort of sad for multiple reasons:

A) Poor Marissa Cooper now has a FAILED reality show PILOT that wasn’t even PICKED UP, and:

B) those shorts, dude.

But look!

At least she’s seemingly gotten herself a side gig as a carnival psychic? That might be fun? Right? Think of all the hilarious fortunes you could make up for people that you didn’t like.

Too bad she didn’t foresee…this. Maybe her turban could have covered up her extensions’ tracks, at the very least. Come on, Mischa. THINK.

Perhaps Mischa Barton’s Psychic Friends, too, could have advised La Meester against this:

When Leighton wore this, someone tweeted us that she looked like a sister-wife, and I must agree. This dress has actually kind of grown on me — much like a fungus — since I first saw it, but it still looks a bit like the backside of wallpaper that’s been attacked by mold.

Speaking one’s backside being attacked…

And this is the place where I remind you once again of the LACE JUMPSUIT. I DON’T WANT YOU TO FORGET THE LACE JUMPSUIT. It’s like the Alamo of outfits.

(2) THE FAMILY SMITH v. (10) MARY KATE ASHLEY OLSEN

If the previous bout was between Teen Drama Queens, this one involves Familial Fug, namely, the Smiths v. the Olsens.

Jada, admittedly, looks pretty fantastic here. But what is up with Will? He’s usually so chic, but here he’s wearing a suit jacket that I think has a hood on it that you release like a parachute and his shoes are untied. Dude: you’re Will Smith. Even your cheesiest song can come on my iPod — for instance, yesterday while I was driving to Pasadena, WILLENNIUM, which is TERRIBLE — and I will listen to the entire thing. And know all the words.  And chair-dance. You don’t need to be dressing like The Biebs, dude.

Speaking of parachutes….

But, by far, one of my favorite shots of The Family Smith has to be this one:

Jada looks like she’s just fallen out of an episode of Dynasty, where she appears as the niece of Dominique Deveraux (Diahann Carroll, who was AWESOME). Jada and Dominique would, obviously, do a LOT of scheming whilst wearing hats and swinging coats/capes around themselves dramatically as they enter and exit each room. Eventually, they would wrestle over something, Dominique would crack a champagne magnum over Jada’s head, she’d fall into a coma and wake up looking like a totally different person.

As long as she’s not wearing this:

This is like what would happen if a hurricane hit a Talbots outlet and BLEW everything onto you.

Yes, yes, girls, but the fact remains: it’s rude to point, and also you are wearing a caftan. Let those of us without sin cast the first stone, right? Also, when you’re throwing that stone at me, just try not to hit my head. Thanks.

On the other hand, an unsightly head injury would give me an excuse to wear this:

(The “head injury” part of the unsightly head injury would excuse the coat/sack/dress.)

Two turbans in one Fug Madness bracket? That’s why they call it Madness, baby.