“WHAT UP WORLD, THIS IS MY LADY. YEAH, SHE’S STILL MARRIED, BUT IT’S NOT SHADY ‘CAUSE THIS CAT IS NOT ‘FRAIDY OF THAT TALL NEANDERTHAL WHO WANTS HIS PAYDAY, AND FINE, THOSE WORDS DON’T REALLY RHYME BUT WHEN I’M IN FRANCE MY SKILLS AREN’T MY BEST; DON’T BLAME ME, BLAME CANNESYE WEST.”
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Comments (67):
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m ALWAYS voting Chris Pine.
Ugh, me too!
Are they a real couple or a publicity stunt? I can’t decide. They’re both such attention whores they probably don’t even know the answer.
Ugh, please, this relationship is faker than Kim’s “all natural” face.
Thank you. I’m going with that, too, now.
What is up with that beige dress?!? It is simultaneously incredibly frumpy and too revealing. Gross.
Gotta’ keep the moneymakers in play.
Ha ha! That was what I thought. How can something be so revealing AND SO MATRONLY at the same time???
Of course he looked. She puts them out there so EVERYBODY will look.
The truly sad part is that Zoe S. wore that gold nightmare with a freaking ass curtain and it STILL looked better on her. And Gwinny wore the black two-piece number like eight months ago. Oh, Kimmy. You just kan’t keep up.
Katy Perry also wore it and looked better
it says something about how loathsome I find MR WEST that I can’t look at these without pounding my desk and screaming, “Kim! You are the hottest woman on the planet! DO BETTER!”
Also: Dang, I hate her clothes. The one outfit I found tolerable was the coral lace one with a high neck and I hated her shoes. I also hate her shoes in the first pic. What, no gold heels? if you’re going to go ornamental chair, commit through the gold chair legs too.
Honestly, I can’t even SEE the clothes b/c I’m busy wishing these two would just go away. Either together or separately, I don’t care. I just want them to go away.
YES.
…please.
The rap is, naturally, as class as ever.
Side note: sniggered heartily at the caps’ed photo credits.
I’ll live through the horror of The Kandashian to get mo’ Kanye rap.
As ever, Heather, bravo!
ttly
It’s the only way the Kardashifugs are tolerable.
She looks fine, I guess. No matter what she wears, I really can’t judge it because all I can see is the giant douchebag she’s got on her arm. THAT makes everything fug.
Preach.
He is a handsome fellow when he smiles. but i’m afraid all i can think about is Josh Groban singing the tweets of Kanye West, and then I think “fur pillows are actually hard to sleep on” and then i lose my shit giggling. Kim looks extra vacant in these shots. Methinks the charade may be over soon.
My already never-ending love for The Groban grew ten-fold after that.
Josh Groban loves a blousy alcoholic!
@fiat, I was reading the rap in Groban-singing-tweet style also!
Groban = great
Kim = meh because we’ve seen those dresses on others
Kanye = who cares
I put that line as my phone alarm, so that I wake up giggling. Never fails.
Maaaaan! Whatever happened toooooo my antique fishtank?
Heather: I know your dirty little secret. Your Kanye-raps? They are totally snatched from “The Private Eyes”. You know, The Shadow’s sinister notes that accompanied every dead body? “I’m back from the grave, and roaming the moors. If you want to be safe, you’d better lock all the windows and screens.” Am I right? I hope so. That movie needs to be referenced more. I loved it when I was a young’un.
I am sorry to say I’ve never heard of that movie!
You should watch it. Don Knotts & Tim Conway solve murders committed by a madman who leaves notes with each body. Each note has a hilariously off-rhyme last line, like your awesome Kanye-speak.
Heather you are actually a really good rapper. SORRY, GIRL, BUT I CAN’T NOT LOOK. IF YOU WERE IN PRINT I WOULD READ THAT BOOK. . .
These posts are tied for first place with “Hola Lovers”! Any post that can rhyme ‘FRAIDY with PAYDAY is a gem … meanwhile, that black lace number makes it look like her boobs migrated up to her clavicle.
Please, someday … if Kanye and JLo appear in a photo together, please, please, please do a HOLA LOVERS RAP!
Oooh yeah. Actually….you guys…JLO and Kanye would NOT be a bad couple….
Cannesye… HA!!
GO. AWAY. BOTH OF YOU. (K&K not our beloved Fuggirls)
how many times in a row is he wearing that raggedy ass hoodie? doesn’t he have a clothing liiine? this whole “relationship” is faker than Katie Price’s boobs.
why isn’t there a “i got too distracted by that amazing rap of ‘ye looking at kk’s boobs photo montage to pick” option?
OMG, HOLA LOVER’S RAP…I want it, and I want it NOW!
Pleeeeaaasse…
Carol, you are so right–the GFY girls have got the WRAP on Kanye, JLo,, and of course, Rewengay…
OMG! We must have one. I can’t stand either of these two (much like JLo, actually), but I MUST read the HOLA LOVERS and the Kanye RAPs.
Lord, has she never heard of going up a size?!? Even the weird frumpy beige was too tight across her stomach. Also, if Gwynneth Paltrow wore something, it probably won’t work on a curvy body. But i you’re determined to try, GO UP A SIZE. Jeez.
As for the rap, masterful as always.
I can’t wait for Kim to say “OMG, he respects me so much. We’re remaining celibate” or some goofy shit like that.
This slightly hung over and mopey lady truly appreciates you, it is exactly what I needed this morning! You guys are the best!
The last slide was a tea-spitter, for sure – THANK YOU!
Hasn’t Gwyneth worn the dress [er skirt/crop top combo] in picture 3? And am I crazy, or is the dress in picture 4 quite nice?
She totally did! I noticed that straight away – was that at the Globes?
OMG “Cannesye West” I am dying, dying!
Horrible people, but BRILLIANT post. Brava, Heather! My favorite line: IS THAT A LIGHTBULB IN MY PANTS OR AM I JUST PLEASED TO BE BUYING FURNITURE?
“AND OH, IS THAT A LIGHTBULB IN MY PANTS OR AM I JUST PLEASED TO BE BUYING FURNITURE?”
I am dying here………this is the funniest thing ever.
Good God Kanye – get some new pants.
I must say the only good thing to come from Kanyashian is Heather’s rapping……. I shall not bemoan giving them publicity just based on that alone.
I think her clothes would be kind of cool if she maybe sized up a couple. You’re bod is bangin’. Noted. SIZE UP.
Be honest, you girls ghost write for Kanye, don’t you?
No seriously, I’m all for people taking shots at him. I had to work with him. Puts on a great show but earns the a-hole title. I can only imagine how much worse it is now that he’s with Kimmy.
Also, meh on the dresses, though I’m always biased because she’s wearing them.
I know y’all are busy with this site and the awesome books, but could you please put out a CD of these raps when you have the chance. Thank you.
Fug apart, Fug together, Fug times six. Fug forever.
I THINK HE’S KIND OF CUTE. HER, I WANNA SHOOT. AND HER FAMILY, TO BOOT.
I can’t believe I’ve become my grandmother — K&K dating so publicly when she’s not even divorced yet is tacky beyond words. For reasons which totally escape me, she’s someone many people look to for social clues, and it’s disrespectful to her still-husband that she’s so blatant in her disregard for him and the marriage she entered willingly and apparently enthusiastically. Klassy kouple, Kim and Kanye.
I don’t hate her or him but am not a huge fan of her black boots with that golden balmain dress… Maybe her sandals had hurt her feet?
http://ramblingmuse.com/2012/06/01/musings/weather-british-london/
I can cope, Kim is making her life performance art, Kanye looks palatable having met his Beyonce, I mean, her taste is nothing more than spending obscene amounts of money, and I hardly ever think her shoes work for her frame, but like a natural event, I’m accepting and getting ready to volunteer at the shelter when it carooms out of control.
If Kanye West is so rich, why can’t he buy pants that fit? She is all dressed up and he looks like a total slop in every picture. Don Johnson waiter jacket doesn’t count.
A standing ovation for the “BLAME CANNESYE WEST” shout-out. Frakkin’ brilliant, that!
Fug Girls, that was some funny commentary. Bravo.
HELL NO to all those outfits. Just goes to show you that money can’t buy taste. And I don’t need any money to laugh my head off at the rapping. Well done once again!
hilarious, hilarious post!
Sigh, Kim’s face seems to be a bit higher up from where Kanye is constantly looking. Besides, I can’t see how he can keep staring at the frumpy dresses that Kim is wearing in all these photos, especially when the majority look like they stripped down old furniture and plastered it to her curves.
Ummmmmm, pics 3-6, he’s wearing the same clothes each time? And pic 3, she’s dressed for a ball and he’s dressed for a ballgame? Or is it a rap/hip hop thing?
they look good together.
I NEED SOME WINE, CHRIS PINE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You girls are the wittiest ever!
The Kanyashian might relo here to The ATL and I’m not sure if my delicate Southern constitution can handle that much L.A. fug in my life at this particular point in time.