Another tennis major, another debate about Venus Williams’ flashy outfits, many of which she designs herself, and all of which are significantly less boring to watch than any of those men’s matches where the dude relies on serving at 162 mph and not needing to do anything else.
First up we have a basic halter top:
Is it busy? Yes. Does it make me think of that scene in When Harry Met Sally where he yells at Bruno Kirby about his stupid Roy Rogers wagon wheel coffee table? Most definitely. But is it anywhere near as interesting and sassy and wackadelic as this next one? No. A hundred times no.
[Photo: Splash News]
Don’t you just love how subtle Venus is? She just wants you to focus on the tennis, people.
[Photo: Splash News]
By which I mean, hypnotize you into being unable to look at anything OTHER than what she is doing in this outfit, which by happenstance, involves playing tennis and not ordering Purple Hooter shots at a nightclub — although the only way I can tell is the occasional presence of a racket in her hand. Venus really is the Katy Perry of women’s tennis, is she not? Except for how she has a ton of natural talent. Otherwise, though, they are as one, to the point where if Venus decided to play the Australian Open dressed as a sequined can of Foster’s lager, I would shrug it off as foreplay in anticipation of a costume in which she is both the shrimp AND the barby on which it was thrown.
This black number also comes in pink:
[Photo: Splash News]
Alas, Hot Pink was not very skilled at staying put:
That’s why God invented matching rhinestone panties. The fireworks don’t end until He says so.
