Dude, here’s the thing. When your outfit very obviously doesn’t zip, you have some choices:
They are:
a) GET A BIGGER SIZE
or
b) Have it altered to place the extra fabric on the SIDES so YOU CAN ZIP IT
or
c) Wear a jacket.
Notice what’s missing on that list? “Pose for pictures in a dress that’s obviously been half-assedly altered to fit.” The only reason I can think for doing this is if you want to stir up some rumors that you are a) Knocked Up, or b) Losing Ye Olde Marbles.
You haven’t even seen the front yet:
That Felix the Cat in a little too close to bursting out of her crotch for my personal taste — I take no issue with whimsy, but it’s a bit too on the nose (or on another body part, ahem) — and that bow is ridiculous unless you’ve just come from the set where you’re playing the car in Lexus Christmas commercial.
In short: Girl, what were you thinking?
And in poll:
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Comments (63):
she’s hideous. the dress is hideous. everything she wears is hideous and i don’t care if she’s pregnant.
*high five*
agreed. just awful.
Preach it, sister.
My opinion of her and her awful “band” notwithstanding (well I guess it is), I actually like this dress, it looks like the kind of tacky shit I’d love wear to a New Year’s Eve party. That being stated – GIRL, go UP A SIZE or don’t wear it at all, sheesh.
I am now going to say possibly the bitchiest thing I have ever said in public—-I just can not wrap my head around the fact that Josh Duhamel is married to her.
Girl, I think this EXACT thing every. single. time. I see her.
Honestly. I just don’t get it. Shouldn’t they be divorced by now?
This broad isn’t pregnant. She’s just having a residual high from all that crack she used to smoke. Only an incompetant idiot would alter a dress like that and then be photographed wearing it.
When I first saw the dress I thought that perhaps it was the designer’s idea of innovation, like exposed zippers and the like. But when I got to the second picture I realized that the dress is just too damn small!
Yeah, I checked the runway version to make sure this wasn’t intentional and as far as I can tell, it wasn’t?
Make it fit, ditch the bow and cat and it would be a nice party dress. As it is- not so much.
I honestly don’t know what to say about this. It speaks for itself…
The dress is awful, the fit is hideous, and her spray tan is crazily uneven. Girl is a walking trainwreck. I am sad for her right now.
Ke$ha looks so clean!
I don’t understand why we’re dismissing the idea that the zipper issue really is intentional. That’s a HUGE gap that was filled in, and I’ve got to believe she had other options in her closet.
Yeah, I also kind of think it was intentional. Not that it’s good, but that she did this on purpose. She does tend to wear things that are kind of wackadoo, and to me, this fits right in. She really can be so pretty, I just don’t understand why she does this…
I wondered about it being intentional since it looks like she is actually turning around to show off the back. Intentional or not, it still looks awful. And even if it did zip up all the way, this is clearly not her dress.
i don’t like it either, but are we SURE it wasn’t made that way? I couldn’t decide.
I’m with you Amy…. it’s possible it was supposed to look this way. Still weird and fugly though.
I think the dress was made for someone who hasn’t had a boob job. If she was pregnant, the stretch panel would be lower.
Yes, agree.
It doesn’t fit over her rib cage and boobs, not over her abdomen (which is where most of us keep babies).
I think they sent her the sample size which didn’t fit, she loved it, and her stylist did a crap job of altering it.
Exactly. Maybe it’s been in her closet since before the giant implants were installed, and she decided to bust (heh) it out now. Because it’s so pretty.
I agree with Amy – I figured it might have been made (as in, poorly made) this way.
OR she found it at some vintage shop and thought it was too cool to deny, and her stylist/drug dealer/spray tan applicator thought the add-a-panel was Fergie’s answer to when Rachel Bilson wearing stuff backwards. But they were ALL WRONG.
Then we have two things to worry about, yes?
1. The Ferg thinks it’s okay to go out wearing the slaughtered corpse of a dress, and
2. Somewhere there’s a vintage shop that’s selling … THIS.
It’s from Castelbajac’s Spring 2011 collection, so I can’t imagine it would be in vintage shops yet. But maybe.
Holy smokes – it’s 2011? It reminds me of ’90s homecoming dresses, minus some puff and ruffle.
At least it looks like she got her old face back.
i don’t understand. why is that awful bow not on the back, covering up the half-assed tailoring? Why stuff yourself into a dress that won’t even fit if you are going to cover up the smushed goods with giant horrible accessories? At LEAST go for a B for effort.
Oh, geez, unless there is something EVEN WORSE under the bow.
Wait, why did she only get a tan on the front side of her body?
So THAT is what happened to my Felix the Cat bath towel.
Apparently, it’s a few seasons old and our friends at Red Carpet Fashion Awards theorized it was a sample size; I don’t believe it’s intentionally like that:
http://www.redcarpet-fashionawards.com/2011/12/09/fergie-in-jean-charles-de-castelbajac-%E2%80%98a-night-of-firsts%E2%80%99-presented-by-the-hollywood-foreign-press-association-and-instyle/
I checked the link, which showed me that it could have been worse: She could have worn the matching Felix-the-Cat Russian Army cap.
Any dress that incorporates Felix the Cat anywhere, much less in that particular spot, would also incorporate that stupid added panel in the back as some sort of fashion statement. It might not have looked so bad had the panel been a different color or fabric; at least it wouldn’t have looked like a strapless longline bra.
Every time I see her, all I can think is, “Why, Josh Duhamel, why?!?”
He’s heavy on cute, but no appreciable acting skills. I think they’re a pretty even match.
I was going on cuteness alone; I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him act in anything at all. If he’s talent-challenged, then skills-wise, they’re a match.
I don’t get it. If the dress doesn’t fit, don’t shove a piece of velvet in there, PUT ON A DIFFERENT DRESS. Why didn’t her little alterations lady balk at the idea? No way does that look right.
And hey, I just noticed: no extensions! Old dress, no hair — are the Duhamels on a budget?
That’s exactly what I was wondering. Maybe she’s no longer famous enough to get dresses made for her, so she’s just having to take whatever she can get. Still, alterations are NOT that expensive.
I echo Anita above…..why, for the love of all that is holy, WHHHYYYYYYYY???!!
Well geez, all these years I’ve been storing my too-small clothes in the back of the closet hoping I’ll fit into them again one day.
And all this time I could have just been WEARING them! Doh!
val., people do that all the time – have you been to Walmart lately? Muffin top city!
To be fair, an awful lot of the people shopping at Walmart can’t afford to buy new clothes when their old ones don’t fit (especially if they’re over size 16, because good luck finding something other than a sack at Goodwill – and even that is iffy). There are plenty of people who do it out of denial or a failed understanding of the word “sexy”, of course, but not all denizens of Muffin Top City are voluntary citizens.
I love that you keep saying dude. Because I’m pretty sure that’s what she is.
Why no love for Her Fergieness? I’d have to point a finger at the inept seamstress who enabled this. It seems to fit down below, albeit sung. Perhaps Fergie handed it off and said “let the top out for the 42DD’s, baby”, then did not see the botched-up results until five minutes before camera time? Her shoes are nice, her face and hair look quite acceptable.
Really, we buy this?
Cause I don’t, you DON’T wear something like this in Public unless you are crazy, or covering it with a jacket.
Please – she has NOTHING else in her closet?
ugh, at least when Katy Perry wears this nonsense it fits
I have questions. How does the top stay up, if it can’t zip? Unless that black fabric is actually a part of the dress, wouldn’t the top fall down? I know she has big boobs, but I don’t think they could hold up a dress on their own.
Whether it’s made that way, or this is something she cooked up – either way, it looks dumb.
Seriously – who could wear that dress if it was zipped up – Fergie is pretty tiny!
All except her bosom, that is…..
It’s all about the bow. Ignore the zipper in the back and focus on the bow. Something afoot at the Circle K, people!
She probably did have the matching Felix cap, just not wearing it in the photo. Wouldn’t put it passed her. What a mess. So you really don’t think anyone will notice if I wear a black tube top to cover up the six inches I can’t zip? Awesome, let’s go.
Back to rehab, missy!
This is just hilariously bad. Also: Kate Moss wants her hair back.
Agh, THANK YOU. I was like, whose hairstyle did she just steal?
Were the circle printed higher on the front of the dress, it would be like a porthole to her uterus. Instead, closer to the hem, Felix the Cat peers out from behind a dilated cervix, fearful and a little awed by the brave new world outside.
Maybe Felix emerging from her crotch* is an unsubtle hint to her being up-duffed, and the pending emergence of a mini Fergie.
Or she’s cracked
* Hint or no hint, it’s a totally uncool way to treat Felix the cat
Does anybody else think she looks like Rachel Zoe in this picture? A voluptuous, scantily clad, Rachel Zoe? I can’t even look at her Felix crotch cat.
YES.
I love that when I mouse over the picture, it tells me that this a ‘night of firsts’. Not a good look.
I don’t know- I actually like the dress! The colors work together, the bow is rather flattering… The only thing is, it doesn’t fit her. She really should have had the side seams altered.
My issue is with her hair (every mother of a toddler has that hair every morning, but we feel bad about it), and her spray-tan, and the fact that there’s just not ENOUGH of the dress in the front. It needs much more room in the bust.
I always thought she was strikingly beautiful, and wished she would go brunet and stop perming.
It’s kind of mean to talk about how ugly she is and expressing shock that she managed to marry a good guy. Have you ever seen her body? Her face might be a matter of taste, but her body is undeniably gorgeous.
As for this dress, it looks like an alteration I would do, while saying “hey, I’m poor. I hope everybody thinks that the giant zipper is a style element anyways!
I could handle the dress if her hair/face/skin didn’t skank-ify it all so much.
This girl IS from Hacienda Heights. The HELL? This is beyond tacky and so blatantly careless she must be losing her marbles. Dude, wear a different dress! You have eleventy billion dollars and probably a stylist – if a dress doesn’t fit, just have your minions do what Mariah Carey’s do: buy a dress in a size 2 and the same one in a 10 and sew the size 2 label into the 10. See? Everyone is happy, the dress fits, the illusion is served, and no one thinks you’re a refugee from the trailer park.