I love this photo. In the background, you see Freida Pinto, looking gleaming and smooth and perfect, and then there’s Jessica Alba, who can’t help but look disheveled by comparison and appears to be (in a trick of the angle) giving Freida the what-up-bitch stink-eye:
I wish she WERE genuinely throwing a glare over her shoulder, because then I could say, “Oh, Jessica, it’s not Freida’s fault you are at the Machete premiere looking like you just recently took one to your skirt,” and we could invent an entire blood rivalry right on the spot. Instead I guess I’ll just wonder if half of her dress just didn’t get enough sunlight to grow big and strong.
No problem with that at a prior photocall:
How apt that she wore this on the heels of our 9/02/10 coverage, because the top of this is something Donna Martin would’ve worn as a bodysuit. With high-waisted jeans and a thick black belt through the loops — as opposed to wound around her feet. Oh, and probably ankle boots. Donna was so that girl.
As for Jessica, I kind of want to chop off the sleeves, shorten the skirt to just above the knee, and unbind her feet a tad. If feet start to think of shoes as prison, they will never, ever let you get away with any of the fun ones ever again. As it is, her big toes are considering diving headfirst off its leather cliff.
Comments (265):
This dress was once a tablecloth at a tapas bar in Spain, and those shoes remind me of my old ski bindings. What is going on… The first one would be cute without the other tablecloth she’s dragging behind her.
I think the first one needs to decide to be either long or short, not both. I love the shoes, though.
Not so in the second one. I mean, I do like the shoes, they are just way too heavy for this outfit. I wash my hands of that dress though. I just think it is awful. It hurts my brain to even think about all the things you’d have to do to make it good… it would just be a totally different dress.
The mullet dress would have been better as floor length all around (albeit too much for a movie premiere). The sheerness of the fabric would have alluded to the fab legs underneath, she didn’t have to hack off the front so that she could shove them in our faces.
As for grandma’s floral couch dress, throw it out and start over. It already has the rips and tears at the hem in order to justify this decision.
ooh. i kind of dig both dresses. love the floral dress, although not with those shoes. actually those shoes are fairly awful, no matter what you wear them with. way too clunky. some simple black heels would be just fine. the first dress would be super cute short, and okay long, but the uneven hemline gives it some added interest. the floral dress is a bit 90′s and i must admit i think that is awesome. i want to wear it right now.
Just me, or some serious Miley Cyrussitude in that first photo?
I didn’t know bubble wrap came in black.
Did the price of that floral dress not include actual hemming?
The first dress — chop off the mullet, make it one length (either a flouncy mini or a knee-lengh sheath), and she’s good to go.
That floral thing is a monstrosity — it looks like a bird is perched on her right boob. Not even standing up straight and fixing the boobage area can help (the girls look wonky — maybe it’s just the horrid pose) And those shoes? Oh honey, no. The hair is OK, but props to the make-up.
The second dress is clearly the one she should have worn to the Machete premiere because — OMG! there’s blood all over it.
What? Those awful red splotches aren’t blood? They’re flowers? You’re kidding me.
I would LOVE to see Juliette Lewis rock those crazy belt shoes on the red carpet; Jessica Alba, not so much.
Just say no to any mullet hem — always. Always. Just. Say. No.
Uhm, Seriously?? What was she thinking. No, wait, she wasn’t thinking. That dress looks like a cross between a flower print picnic tablecloth and a christmas tree skirt. And those shoes are the result of a straight jacket turned into footwear, just in case your feet decide to go crazy.
ROFL @ “mullet dress” – how apt! It is fugly and goofy – just like a mullet.
I really like the second shoes, albeit not at all with this dress – which I completely agree needs to be shorter and sleeveless. I think less material in the skirt would help a lot – all that pleating is making the print look wrong.
>> I kind of want to chop off the sleeves,
No, leave the sleeves. No one ever wears sleeves any more
>> shorten the skirt to just above the knee, and unbind her feet a tad.
But yes to this bit. And maybe it’s the hair, but she looks 12.
The first dress just looks itchy.
I think the pattern is just too ugly to work no matter what. However, even ugly dresses should not have hems that are fraying. The bottom looks like it’s made of cheap nylon whose seams can’t take *any* stress.
I just want to play Connect 4 on the bodice of the first dress! Maybe she’ll use it to amuse herself and her seat mate during the movie?
I honestly wouldn’t mind the floral dress so much if there weren’t so darn much of it! Imagine it sleeveless, with fewer gathers in the skirt and maybe a few inches shorter. Suddenly it’s a fun summery sundress. And of course, anonymous#1 is SO right: take those “shoes” back to the ski rental shop!
The dress on top might be nice at a uniform tea length, so we can enjoy the textured fabric. Again, the skirt would have to be less full than it is at the waistline now. I flat-out dig the textured, circle-pattern bodice.
I love the paragraph on the second dress; it is spot on accurate, especially about her toes diving off the end of the cliff. Ha ha, I can’t stand when toes are sticking way out over the edge of a shoe!
What perfect skin. And how great it would be to go through life with the face of a cherub.
The one clothes thing I like here is the summer ski boots. But they should only have been worn by Lori Petty in Tank Girl, not by Ms. Hwigginbottham at the teacher’s lounge Christmas party.
Man, I wish Lindsay HAD been invited to the premiere. She would’ve worn something way crazier than Alba’s disproportionate fug, and all the premierin’ would’ve prevented Lindsay from HITTING A BABY wither Maserati. Everybody wins!
the shoes in the second picture make manually to be alive. they are everything shoes should be and more. anybody know who they’re by?
i like the second dress, especially with the chunky shoes. i might’ve done a different belt, maybe bronze or old gold, but otherwise, she rocks the look, because SHE CAN. maybe somebody else would’ve looked like she was wearing a tablecloth, but she doesn’t.
i don’t hate the first dress, either. i would bet that it moves really nicely. i like the texture of the fabric. not a huge fan of that kind of hemline, but again, she’s so pretty and has enough personality that she can take it on and make it work.
I would love dress #1 if it were either short or long. It doesn’t work as both.
The second one is just terrible.
The first outfit is ok, it’s the second one that makes my head hurt. Just say no to dowdy dresses and formal ski boots!
Oh, dear god.
Compared to the floral, the other one is the epitome of taste and class.
Unfortunately, on its own merits, it HAS no merits.
What on earth is Alba thinking?
But have you SEEN the Cosmo cover???
dare i say she’s too thin & kicky for the second dress? dare i say i think it would look better on someone like christina hendricks, who could fill it out properly & make the skirt do what it’s supposed to {once it’s shortened to knee length–not over knee length–& hemmed}? a crinoline beneath would only make it twee & christina hendricks needs no crinoline. it would work WAY better on that sort of shape.
& ditch the shoes. just ditch the shoes–& i love platforms. those are just awful. belong on brigitte nielson–when she was married to sly stallone.
Make both of the dresses the length of the front of the first. The 2nd pair of shoes are just plain fugly, take a machete to them!
poltergasm is absolutely right – I was all set to just condemn the floral job, but , of course, put it on someone shaped like Christina H and it would take on it’s proper vaguely 50s sexy silhouette (with the hem done mind!)
I like the black one, or would if it were not a mullet, as others have said . These mullet dresses are just so try-hard with their ” look at my legs ” message.
Looks like someone already took to the 2nd dress’s hem with a pair of blunt scissors.
I’m baffled.
She’s baffled.
Baffle.
The first one: make all of the skirt long. I LOVE the entire look in the 2nd picture. I’m really digging the recent revival of early-’90′s understated sexiness!
Oh my, but I am completely captivated by those black shoes in the first photo…..must have those. *gasp*
The first dress should be just the one length. Long. Does JA not have enough snaps of her legs taken to cover them for one lousy awards night? I’ve just decided this is now my view for all cop outs like this.
As for the second pic those heels are hideous with this ensemble. I’ve long been sick of the gladiator pole dancer sandal and this takes the cake. If you must, wear it with jeans or in the dungeon with your whip and leather bikini.
The dress is not too bad, somehow the sleeves smack of overkill. And is that intended fraying I see around the hem? Fail.
Umm, make that movie premiere. My brain is frazzled by those bondage shoes.
first dress, not so bad, would look better if all short (I think it’s fun and sassy), and I love the shoes
Second dress – needs a new life as a sleeveless sheath, shorter, with the shoes from look #1. The shoes in the second photo are curious, as in I’m curious what they would look good with?
First dress should be one length all the way around and just a biscuit longer than the short level (and maybe a hair higher on the tatas).
Second dress should be sleeveless and 2-3 inches shorter.
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